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  • (whoooa!)

  • Hello!

  • (choo-choo-choo-choo...)

  • So many realities...

  • (whoa!)

  • I like drinking cider because it tastes like beer for kids.

  • (ga-doosh!)

  • I use the term pie...

  • ...loosely.

  • In honor of America Day, we're gonna bake.

  • Now, as some of you may recall, baking is not necessarily my...

  • ...my specialty.

  • Unlike all the other cooking I do - which never goes wrong and is perfect...

  • [I don't actually have any cheese]

  • [Cheese is trapped]

  • [Buiscuits]

  • [I broke it]

  • So, that's why it's important to face it...

  • because that's what Americans do:

  • When we make a mistake, we do the same thing again and hope something different happens this time.

  • He's a little turtle...

  • ...for drinking!

  • Maybe if I just open the oven, somehow there will be a pie in there already...?!

  • .... No!

  • We can do it, we can do it.

  • "apple pie recipe"... I guess... [clicks]

  • "search"

  • The problem with finding recipes online:

  • They always give you, like, this three paragraph introduction...

  • ...to why you should give a fuck about the recipe you're about to be reading.

  • I personally don't care. I just wanna see the recipe.

  • I also like it when there are pictures!

  • Here we go:

  • Two cups of fluor, blabla blabla blablabla, blabla blabla bla.

  • Rolling pin?! Let's just focus on mixing everything together in a bowl.

  • So, get your bowl...

  • [uses bowl as percussive instrument] [drops it]

  • There's music everywhere.

  • So, I think we'll need sugar, ...

  • ...butter, ...

  • ...probably an egg, ...

  • ...maybe some sort of liquid addition?

  • Put all the stuff I said in there. YAAAY!

  • Two cups of flour.

  • Yay.

  • I think part of the reason I don't like baking so much is that baking...

  • sucks.

  • Major. Lots.

  • So, one tablespoon.

  • Some people are like - "You have to sift it so blablablablabla",

  • and then you're like - "Can you just shut up?!"

  • Add an egg.

  • Flour, sugar, egg, ...

  • Oh.

  • You weren't... You weren't supposed to add the egg.

  • Let's just forget we read that.

  • "warm butter till soft, not melted."

  • God! Dammit! Why would you say that?!

  • "warm your butter up somehow - don't melt it":

  • Who's gonna finish that sentence?! NOBODY!

  • Mix your shit... With your egg! And your melted brother -- butter...

  • Everything is on your whisk and not in the bowl - that's how you know that yoooou.....

  • This whole cooking thing is a matter of opinion.

  • There is no right, and there is no wrong.

  • There is just: food and...

  • inedible.

  • Okay...

  • Now we're just gonna put this over here... And we're not gonna do anything else with it...

  • ...because following instructions is for losers and we're the cool kids.

  • (blab)

  • To make apple pie, I bought apples...

  • That's a lemon.

  • I love apples...

  • Ya.

  • They're perfect for eating.

  • "peel the apple"

  • The directions for apple pie turned out to be really, really, really long.

  • Sooo, I... skimmed 'em.

  • And I have determined the most important steps:

  • ONE! ...

  • Cut your apple up to a bunch of pieces.

  • Make it into the bowl? Twenty bucks says I can!

  • Two... Put, like, vinegar on that apple. And then cinnemon.

  • (la la la) (doo dee dee dee dee) (boooop)

  • Three...

  • bake.

  • I say go with what you know.

  • mmmmh.

  • (choop) (choop choop)

  • Put it in the oven... ...and hope for the best.

  • Timer.

  • Baking, to me, seems like how parenting must be:

  • First, you have to create it...

  • ...which is messy.

  • Then... you have to watch it grow... in the oven.

  • And then... you have to eat it.

  • And that...

  • ...could taste really bad.

  • There's a train coming! [choo-choo sound on bottle]

  • Oh my God, it's so magical

  • I'm just an American. I want everything... ...constantly.

  • (bake-a-bake-a-bake)

  • [timer goes off]

  • Alright, alright, alright, alright...

  • Woooo.

  • Baking.

  • OU!

  • Like Amer-- OU!

  • I think I just burned my boob.

  • This is like America:

  • You got your big ones. And you got your little ones.

  • When did we add confetti?

  • Step one: Give a fuck about baking.

  • The fold in my forehead looks like a butt.

  • Seasonally inappropriate towel.

  • Thumbs up!

  • I take my glasses off because everything's already blurry.

(whoooa!)

Subtitles and vocabulary

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B1 baking bake pie choo choo apple bowl

My Drunk Kitchen Holiday: America Day Pie Cakes

  • 211 4
    Furong Lai posted on 2012/12/15
Video vocabulary