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  • - This is your constitution, alright?

  • It's just a piece of paper. (film reel clicking)

  • (soft mellow music) We gotta keep it's integrity

  • 'cause it's gonna hold everything together.

  • This right here, this is us, this is the American people.

  • We're special, we're magic.

  • Hello, yay, we all live in here.

  • (celebratory orchestral music)

  • What up, homies?

  • - Welcome to-

  • - [Both] Cunnilingus class!

  • - I'm Shaboose Michaels. - I'm T-Ray Tombstone.

  • - And we're here to teach y'all how to-

  • - [Both] Go down on bitches right!

  • - Now, bitches ain't being satisfied, so check it.

  • - Quit (beep) on that clitoris so damn hard.

  • - Bitches don't like that nonsense.

  • - That's like putting the tip of your penis in a vacuum.

  • - Y'all need to-

  • - [Both] Chill on the clitoris!

  • - Go around that business.

  • - It's like a button made of a million penis tops.

  • - Now every bitch like her cunnilingus

  • a little bit different.

  • - Vaginas are like snowflakes.

  • - Snowflakes is different.

  • Learn your bitch's snowflake.

  • - Ask your bitch what she wants-

  • - [Both] Then do what she say!

  • - Some bitches like it in a circle!

  • - Some bitches like it up and down.

  • - Some bitches like it hard.

  • - Some bitches like a soft.

  • - [Both] Communicate with your bitches!

  • - Make the alphabet with your tongue.

  • - A, B,

  • C, D.

  • - And when she grab your hair

  • like she gon' pull your damn head off-

  • - [Both] Stick with that letter!

  • - I'm talking about B (babbles), B (babbles), B (babbles).

  • - Or D, D-D-D (babbles), D D-D-D-D.

  • - [Both] Vaginas deserve respect!

  • - You don't want someone slapping around your little homey.

  • (comic slapping) (T-Ray screaming)

  • - You with the hat.

  • - Yo. - How you like your BJs?

  • - Damn, dawg, all the time!

  • (all laugh)

  • - Shut the (beep) up!

  • - [T-Ray] That's 'cause penises is easy.

  • - And vaginas is hard.

  • They're-

  • - [Both] Confusing!

  • - Imagine there's and explosion at the envelope factory.

  • - Flaps everywhere, a world of flaps.

  • - And you need to lick your way out the factory.

  • - But every bitches' flaps is different.

  • - Learn your bitch's particular flaps.

  • - Flaps be-

  • - [Both] Crazy!

  • - Every flap need to be listened to.

  • - And then you will get out of the factory alive.

  • - Stay down there.

  • - [Both] Plan your breathing like you're swimming!

  • - You gotta be talking about-

  • - [Both] Stroke, stroke, breathe!

  • Stroke, stroke, breathe!

  • (men panting)

  • - Alright, let's take a five minute break.

  • - And when we come back,

  • we gonna talk about warming your bitches up

  • before you get busy.

  • - And how to last for more than two damn minutes.

  • - Take a peach and practice.

  • - Practice on a peach.

  • - Take a peach and practice. - Practice on a peach.

  • - Take a peach and practice. - Practice on a peach.

  • (door thuds)

  • (slow footsteps) (men sighing)

  • (Shaboose sighs) (dramatic music)

  • (flesh masks squelch)

  • - Ah.

  • - I think it's gonna work.

  • - 30 down, three billion to go.

  • (women cackling manically) (dramatic music)

  • (men snapping) ♪ One, two

  • Doom-bada doom doom doom

  • There goes the girl who owns my heart

  • ♪ I knew she was the one right from the start

  • Our love is here to stay

  • Each and every day

  • We know that we will never part

  • Bo bo-lo bo bo bow

  • (men laugh) - Wow!

  • (men clap) Great work, everybody.

  • Troy, I love that little Motown outro thing, super soulful.

  • - Cool, thanks, Lyle.

  • Yeah, it just came to me so I went with it.

  • - Wow, that's crazy. (men chatter)

  • - Hey, is this where the acapella group meets?

  • - Oh, hey, Mark! - Hey, Lyle,

  • what's going on, buddy? - Mark, get over here.

  • - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Guys, this is

  • my buddy, Mark.

  • He just transferred from Minnesota.

  • I thought he could sit in on a few practices.

  • I don't know, maybe join the group?

  • - Maybe.

  • (dramatic music) (men chuckle)

  • - Alright, guys, let's do "Always Been My Girl" again

  • from the top. - "Always Been My Girl," okay,

  • I know that, yeah. - And, Mark,

  • show us your stuff (chuckles). - You got it, man.

  • - Alright, guys, ready?

  • One, two, three ♪ (men snapping)

  • Doom-doom doom doom doom

  • There goes the girl who owns my heart

  • ♪ I knew she was the one right from the start

  • Our love is here to stay

  • Each and every day

  • We know that we will never part

  • Bo bo-do bo bo bow

  • Ooh wee-ee-ee-ee-ooh

  • (Mark sputters)

  • (men laughs) (men applaud)

  • - [Lyle] You gotta be kidding me, Mark.

  • That was out of this world.

  • - Gosh, okay, well hey, I just,

  • it just came to me so I just went with it.

  • (dramatic music) - Great,

  • well keep going with it.

  • Guys, have a safe weekend, alright?

  • See you on Monday.

  • - Nice to meet you guys, man. (men chatter)

  • That was awesome. - Isn't he the best?

  • - Cool, guys, great practice.

  • - Troy, good effort. - Alright (laughs).

  • Ooh wee-ee-ooh ♪ (Mark claps)

  • - Yeah, check you later, guys.

  • See you later, alligators!

  • (men's chatter fades)

  • (dramatic music)

  • The (beep) you think you doing, (beep)?

  • - I'm doing my thing, (beep).

  • The (beep) you doing?

  • - (chuckles) See, this my seven white boys, (beep).

  • (dramatic music) (Mark scoffs)

  • You need to back the (beep) up.

  • - (beep) that (beep), I'm 'bouts to get mine.

  • - Do you have any idea how long it took for me

  • to infiltrate this group, (beep)?

  • (dramatic music)

  • 25 minutes.

  • (dramatic music)

  • You think I'm gonna rollover for some falsetto ass (beep)?

  • Pfft. (dramatic music)

  • - Well you know what, (beep)?

  • White boys is gon' do what white boys is gon' do.

  • And if they wanna run

  • with a high-ass singing falsetto (beep),

  • then that's on them.

  • - Oh, that's on them then?

  • - Oh, that's on them then. - Alright,

  • so it's like that?

  • - Oh, it's so like that.

  • - Well, watch your back, (beep)!

  • - Okay. - Watch your back, (beep)!

  • - Alright. - 'Cause you (beep)

  • with my (beep), I (beep) with your (beeping)!

  • (dramatic music)

  • (men laughing) - And improvise!

  • - Oh, it's so cold out and it's gonna be dark soon.

  • - Oh my God, yeah, we should build a fire!

  • - Yeah. - Yeah,

  • oh, I can (mumbling)...

  • Oh, fire!

  • - Oh, oh! - Fire!

  • - Freeze (claps)!