Thank you very much, everybody.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Well, guys, it was another big day in Washington,

as House Democrats formally introduced

the resolution to impeach President Trump.

And if you're watching, no, this is not a repeat.

[ Laughter ]

Yep, Trump is being impeached again.

Right now, everyone in America is having déjà coup.

[ Laughter ]

This morning, Trump was charged

with "incitement of insurrection."

You know you messed up

when you're charged with the title of a '90s Star Trek movie.

[ Laughter ]

Seriously, it's never good

when your crowds rise to the level of Klingon.

It's looking like one more impeachment for Trump.

Trump gets impeached the way most people get vaccinated --

in two doses.

Some people say impeaching Trump will divide the country.

Really? How much more divided can the country get?

We're currently in a state

of Monopoly game after Thanksgiving.

That's where we are.

Meanwhile, some of Trump's most loyal defenders are saying

we shouldn't kick him while he's down.

Even "The Karate Kid" is going,

"Eh, this one time feels okay, I think.

Sweep the leg, sweep the leg."

Well, if you think Trump's upset about getting impeached,

imagine how he felt the other day when Twitter announced

that they're permanently suspending his account.

A lifetime ban.

[ Cheers and applause ]

A lifetime ban.

Trump's basically the Pete Rose of social media.

[ Laughter ]

Right now, Trump's phone is stuffed into a pile of rice

after being drenched with tears.

[ Laughter ]

The good news is

now Twitter can go back to what it used to be for --

judging celebrities at award shows.

In addition to Twitter, Trump has been banned or restricted

from Apple, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat,

Google, Amazon, Pinterest, TikTok...

[ Inhales deeply ]

...YouTube, Reddit, Twitch, Stripe, Discord, and Shopify.

-Aw. [ Laughter ]

-Trump started this year

thinking he should be on Mount Rushmore.

Now can't even get on Instagram.

Seriously, in one weekend,

Trump's phone became a $2,000 flashlight.

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ]

Yep, now Trump can't tweet, snap, post, or stream.

It's gotten so bad,

he can't even sell embroidered pillows on Etsy.

-Aw. -Hmm.

-Of course now we're going to have to settle

with him holding 50 press conferences a day

and yelling 280 characters at a time.

Ah, it's 2:00 a.m. Time for another press conference.

Things have gotten so bad for Trump that PGA announced

that they will no longer hold the 2022 PGA Championship

at Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey.

[ Applause ]

No more Twitter, no more PGA.

If Diet Coke comes out against Trump,

he's going to lose his mind.

Again.

Let's change gears here. Oh, this was fun.

Yesterday, Nickelodeon aired its first-ever

kid-friendly broadcast of an NFL playoff game.

Check out what it looked like.

-Now plunging forward. End zone and touchdown.

-Hey, there's the slime!

[ Imitating air horn ]

-And now Wil Lutz will come on for the extra point.

And he kicks it right through Spongebob.

[ Laughter ]

-Yeah. That actually looked normal to me.

Then again, I watch every game

after dropping an insane amount of acid.

[ Laughter ]

"Uh, that was right through Spongebob there.

Congratulations."

[ Laughter ]

It was great. The slime cannons?

-Yeah. -It was awesome.

A lot of people enjoyed seeing the game like this.

I mean, it was way better than the time

they had the Rugrats host a UFC fight.

[ Laughter ]

That just didn't work. That just didn't work.

Some entertainment news -- HBO announced

that they are rebooting "Sex and the City."

Yeah.

[ Applause ]

Even crazier, there's also going to be a version

that airs on Nickelodeon.

[ Laughter ]

Yep, everyone is back,

except Kim Cattrall won't reprise her role as Samantha.

It's like "The Avengers" rebooting, but Thor is like,

"You won't be seeing this hammer."

[ Laughter ]

[ Cymbals tapping ]

Yep, 17 years after the final episode,

"Sex and the City" coming back.

They already released an episode,

and the first 20 minutes

is Mr. Big waiting for his pill to kick in.

[ Laughter, groaning ]

And finally I saw that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

is launching a healthy energy drink called ZOA.

You can tell the drink is good.

Nancy Pelosi just chugged one, crushed the can on her forehead,

and said, "Let's impeach this Jimbroni."

Hi, everyone! Thank you very much.

it is Monday. We're excited to be back,

and we got a fantastic week of shows ahead.

Nicole Kidman will be here!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Amazing. Did you see "The Undoing"?

-Yeah, I did. -She crushed it, man.

Anthony Mackie will be here. Oh, I love Anthony Mackie.

Plus, Anne Hathaway, Angela Bassett, Lilly Singh.

Oh, stay up late tonight.

Lilly Singh is premiering tonight after Seth.

So it goes me, Seth, then Lilly.

But it premieres tonight.

We love you, Lilly Singh.

Check out Lilly tonight.

But first, we have a great show for you tonight.

She stars in the movie "On the Rocks" on Apple TV Plus.

Rashida Jones is here.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Plus, from the film "The King of Staten Island"

and "The Mandalorian," Bill Burr is here.

God. [ Cheers and applause ]

That dude is next-level funny.

-Yeah, man. -He's on a different world, man.

He's just -- Gosh, I just love that guy so much.

And we got great music from Old Dominion!