Ross is a gold medal skiboarder.

And Ross, you claim you can teach me

to master the board today.

Not a problem, Conan, we're gonna do it.

I don't like speed. (audience laughing)

And I don't like to fall.

I'm not a big fan of snow

or cold weather. (audience laughing)

Snowboarding's your sport, Conan.

(audience laughing)

You think so? Absolutely.

You're very positive, I like that.

I have a custom board.

My nickname is The Cone-Dog.

(audience laughing) Okay, that's sweet.

For Conan, see how that works?

Oh yeah, right,

yeah. You,

yeah. Good one.

And then look at this guy down here.

That's me. Aww!

I put the little teeth in, (audience clapping)

and I'm wearing a scarf 'cause it's cold.

And I don't know why I'm wearing a nightcap.

(audience laughing) I just, I'm kinda mad

at the guy who did this 'cause I wanted it

to be more ski wear, and it looks like

I'm going to sleep. (audience laughing)

[Ross] I like your ears.

What's, like that, that bunny ears on the top, what that?

Oh, right up here? Yeah,

what's those? Yeah, he's the dog.

That's the Cone-Dog. That's the dog part,

okay, I see. Yeah.

We got the canine's- Cone-Dog.

And the ears, I see.

And then to intimidate my opponents, check this out.

You're gonna love this.

When I go for the big jump. Nice.

Look at that, when I go way up

into the air. (audience laughing)

(audience applauding) (audience cheering)

"You suck," right in the guy's face.

Then I grab the clip and I show him my ass pad,

and then right down. (audience laughing)

When you're learning to initiate a turn,

you kind of want to kind of like slide your back foot around

like this, right? Right.

That creates- So the back foot

is the rudder sort of. Kind of like a rudder.

Yes. So it kinda

tilts your board that way. (audience laughing)

You don't want to knock the boards down the hill.

But I just knocked your board downhill.

You want to keep your knees flexible.

Flexible. You don't want to be stiff.

You want to be able to absorb everything.

Right.

All right. You gotta be kinda loose.

Loose. Right, okay.

Okay, hands in front.

All right. Hands in front,

you know you kinda- And it's kind of

a Zen thing, right, like- Yeah, right, surfing.

It's very much I am one with what's happening around me

and anything that happens is okay.

Whatever happens is cool,

'cause that's- Exactly.

Just the way it is, dude, that's just the way it is.

Right. (audience laughing)

(Conan grunting) (boot clicking)

Son of a bitch! (boot thudding)

(audience laughing) (Ross chuckling)

(Conan exhaling heavily)

I don't know what happened there,

I totally lost my cool. (audience chuckling)

Gonna strap on. I think my straps

are in the way, there, okay.

Now I'm in.

I'm not gonna get on my knees in front of you, Conan.

[Conan] Whatever, you've heard the rumor.

This one first, (audience laughing)

goes underneath there.

I am strapped in, clocked up, and dialed out.

Let's chop.

(Conan grunting)

Ah, watch this!

Ah, ah! (board sliding)

(audience laughing)

Ah! (grunts) (board sliding)

Ah, don't help me, I can do it.

Ah! (board thudding)

Son of a bitch!

(audience laughing) (board sliding and thudding)

Ah, (grunting) dah!

Ow! (audience laughing)

(audience applauding)

Can I get some paramedics over here?

I think that, I think that went very well.

(audience laughing)

Stand up slow, nice and easy.

Yeah, oh yeah! Get a feel.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah. (board slams)

What we're gonna do is we're gonna go in that direction

and then I'm gonna get you to do the rudder thing

with that foot. (Conan exhales)

And turn around.

Take it kind of behind you

and we're gonna make a turn this way.

Okay. All right?

That's definitely not gonna happen.

(audience laughing) (board sliding)

There we go, look at that!

[Ross] You're doing good, keep, yeah,

you're doing good. There's on the heel.

Ah! (grunts) (body slams)

(audience laughing)

Now that's my stop.

That's how I stop.

That's just my technique.

I don't even want to call it falling, I want to call that

my dismount. (audience laughing)

So right here, the next section where you're gonna try it

from going to the heels to turn onto your toes.

I'm going to make an example demonstration.

(board sliding)

Heel side, heels back, rudder!

(audience laughing)

Yeah, there's no way. (audience laughing)

(branch snapping) Ah! (grunts)

Yeah, ah! (grunts)

I think there's a bear in here.

(audience laughing) Yeah, come back

if you can.

Ah! (grunts) (audience laughing)

Okay, here, sit on your butt if you can.

There we go!

Let's just lie here for awhile.

(audience laughing)

That's fine.

You know, I can work with that.

Hey, Ross? Yeah.

Do you ever wonder, like,

(audience laughing)

if it was the end of the universe,

but then what's after that, do you know what I mean?

I just keep coming and coming.

I never give up until it starts to get difficult,

and then I usually quit. (audience laughing)

Ross?

Conan.

I love you. (audience laughing)

Let's get back out there. All right, let's do it.

(Conan grunting)

50/50. 50/50.

Loosey goosey leaning back, edging back into hill.

(upbeat rock music)

(audience laughing)

Who do you think you are? (audience laughing)

God?

You think you're God?

(sobbing)

I can't, God! (sobs)

Okay, I'm better. (audience laughing)

Let's go.

(upbeat rock music)

Now you're all toes now. Now I'm toes, baby!

(audience laughing) This is the more natural

position for a snowboarder to be in.

Why didn't we start on that then?

(audience laughing)

I just thought, you know, you're kind of

half-ass backwards all the time

that I'd just go with the flow.

[Audience Member] Oh, ho, ho, ho!

Don't make me dial you up, dude.

(audience laughing)

'Cause this a number you don't want

to be connected to. (audience laughing)

(board sliding)

Good job. Hey, look!

I stopped (audience cheering)

without falling down, by god!

(board sliding)

[Ross] Heels, heels!

Heels! (audience cheering)

Lookin' good! (audience applauding)

This mountain is my lady. (audience laughing)

You're my lady.

Conan, I've been watching you,

I think you're ready for the pipe.

Dude, I know I'm ready for the pipe.

You ready, Conan? (upbeat rock music)

Let's do it.

(audience cheering)

(audience cheering)

(audience cheering) (audience applauding)