You have an amazing friend and they have a partner who you do not really like.

Do you just be nice about your tongue?

Do you vocalize your opinion?

Well, the first thing is to figure out why you do not like them.

'Cause if you feel upset because your friend is no longer available to you, because their time is now divided between you and their partner, that has nothing to do with their relationship and everything to do with your own insecurity.

And if that's the case, then it's time for you to work on you by strengthening other support systems, picking up hobbies and sometimes speaking up if your friend is the kind of person who gets lost in a relationship and totally neglects their friendships.

I used to be that girl, so call me out if I do it.

But maybe you don't like this person because you genuinely think that they're a bad fit for your friend.

In this case, you can say something, but make sure that your opinion is not one rooted in judgment.

Judgment is like:

Your boyfriend is a dick.

Versus,

I just feel really uncomfortable when I see him act like that.

Judgment:

Your boyfriend is a dick.

Versus,

His behavior really concerns me.

It's also helpful to point out specifics about problematic behavior rather than blanket statements.

So a generalization would be:

Your boyfriend is a, you guessed it, dick.

Versus,

He just made no attempt to meet you halfway, and you're such a generous person that I can't even imagine you exhibiting that kind of selfishness, you know.

And I just worry about you being emotionally neglected in this relationship, but how do you feel?

But ultimately this is your friend's relationship.

So before you even bring it up, I would think long and hard about why you feel this way, whether or not your friend would even be receptive to hearing your opinion and the extent of the behavior that you're witnessing.

'Cause everyone has flaws and all relationships are gonna come with their own set of problems.

No one's perfect, and usually your friend is willing to accept some negative behavior in exchange for all of the positive benefits in that relationship that you may not be witnessing.

'Cause even if he is a dick, he's probably using that dick in a way that makes her feel great.

All you can do is be supportive, kind and honest when it calls for it.

I'm Anna Akana.

Stay awesome, Gotham.