Thank you.

You can pull that off,

I don't think I could pull that off.

Are you sure?

I mean I don't know I think it's interesting

when you're this tall and you're bald

and you have a big goatee, people treat you differently.

I mean people, oh they're afraid of you?

Yeah they're afraid.

The baldness and the devil goatee,

you got all that going for you.

You look like someone who just emerged from hell

and is here for vengeance.

I wonder if we could actually do that right now.

Like kind of.

(laughing)

Conan.

(laughing)

You know I wanna ask you about this

because you just brought it to mind.

I know that you are speaking

about other worlds, netherworlds.

You're a big Dungeons and Dragons guy.

I mean you take this very seriously

and you run a D&D game that a lot of celebrities,

like A-list celebrities are in your D&D game,

is that correct?

This is correct yes, that is correct.

Yeah it's a lot of fun you know.

All of us used to play when we were younger.

It was instrumental for a lot of us

in terms of what we wound up doing for a career.

For me as an actor, character building,

writing back stories.

I was doing that stuff before I even started acting

or even understand that that was something

you could do for a profession.

And certainly the guys who created Game of Thrones

play in my group. Oh really?

So that was instrumental for them

in creating long form storytelling within a fantasy world.

I mean with dragons and archetypal warriors

and fighters and wizards and things like that.

But also you might not know that my trainer

of the past 10 years who is a CrossFit champion

was also huge into Dungeons and Dragons.

The Big Show, seven foot four. I know Big Show,

he's been on my show countless times.

I love that guy, he's fantastic.

So Big Show is in my D&D group

and would charter flights from Florida

to come in on Friday to play.

And also Vince Vaughn is in your group?

Vince Vaughn is in my group, Tom Morello,

guitar god Tom Morello.

All super hardcore serious when we were younger about D&D

and I got the idea to start playing again.

And it's become this thing that all of us

kind of live for during the week to get to Friday

to play this game and see each other

and talk smack and roll dice and yell at each other

and it's so much fun.

And you are a Dungeon Master I'm told,

which means you hold a great deal of power

and knowledge as Dungeon Master in the D&D world correct?

Yes yes, yes.

Yes yes Conan.

I'm like a show runner of our show

where say Dan and Dave for Game of Thrones

were responsible for coming up with the storyline

and where the plot was gonna go.

And then who all the characters are,

they're gonna step in and interact with the main characters.

I'm that person so I also do all of the voices

for all those characters.

Oh you do the voices too?

I do voices yeah.

So anytime they meet a new character,

I do the voice of that character.

If they go into a store or blacksmith shop

or an alchemist shop, they might find someone.

You know hi I'm Stan what can I get you?

And it's like these two people from Pittsburgh.

It's like talking to them about their blacksmith needs,

you know you'ens need a great sword and that.

Yeah we can knock one of them out for you,

come on back then tomorrow morning.

I love that these guys that run

this magical shop are from Pittsburgh.

Yeah so they keep going back to the shop

to make me do the voice.

Or for example there was a seagull.

There's a character in the group who can speak to animals.

So he thinks it's really funny to make me do voices

for all these different animals.

So he always wants to talk to every animal he can find.

You know I wanna talk to the seagull.

And the seagull is really unimpressed

with everything they've done.

You know I thought you'd be dead by now, this is crazy.

So Chris Walken, Chris Walken is the seagull.

His name is Christopher Squaken.

(laughing)

And so he'll fly around and meet them

or hey I wanna talk to that squirrel

and see if the squirrel saw anyone run through the forest.

And it's like oh here we go.

Oh hi what's going on guys, that's crazy.

Yeah I saw a couple people run by here earlier.

And you know now you're the satanic Christmas animals

from South Park.

Let's say I was in this game.

Let's pretend I'm an A-lister and I'm in this game.

What animal would I be?

What would you see me being?

I mean you're the showrunner,

you're the Dungeon Master.

What would I do?

What would I be?

Like animal wise? Yeah animal wise.

Or like character wise

because you could be. Yeah whatever.

You could be a wizard.

Well let me ask you a question.

Would you rather fight with a sword

and be some kind of Conan the Barbarian-eque character

or are you more like a wizard or someone who casts spells?

Yeah I don't wanna personally be in any danger.

So I like the idea of being far away

from the actual fighting and maybe I'm doing incantations

or maybe just making threatening phone calls.

I'm not someone who's actually in the,

I don't have a sword or a weapon, I can't get hurt.

I like the threatening phone call idea

because there's spells where you could like speak

into someone's brain.

So you could just send evil messages

into people's brain from way in the back.

That's what I do here at the Late Night Show

with people that work with me.

For years, just writers, anyone who works on the show

I'm constantly, I'm playing with their minds,

I'm passive aggressive.

I think that's my talent.

Yelling at Andy maybe I don't know.

That's right, people don't know this

but when we started the interview.

Just as we were about to start and we were ready to go,

Andy was right back here talking

as loud as humanly possible.

And you were on the line and I was like Andy,

Andy shut the fuck up.

And he started yelling back at me

and you were loving it.

Well it's like when you're a kid

and you're on the phone with your friend

and mom leave me alone.

You know they start screaming at their mom.

It was one of those where. What.

You got to see our real, Andy are you back there?

Did he take off?

Where does he go?

He's out in the alley like smoking weed, it's unbelievable.

(laughing)

It's incredible.

This is such an unprofessional organization.

He was back there yelling and making noise.

But I think he did leave.

I think he's in the alley outside the theater,

40% chance he's high right now.

Is that right?

Yeah well it's a gateway drug, smoking the weed.

I mean next thing you know

Andy's on heroin, meth, something.

Yeah and then next thing you know

he's playing Dungeons and Dragons.

So I mean you gotta be careful.

That's how it works.

I love this.

Now when you play Dungeons and Dragons

do you guys trash talk each other?

Is that a game where you can trash talk?

Let's say you and Vince Vaughn,

do you guys get into it?

Yeah in fact Vince's character was attempting

to buy a magic carpet.

So in the game there was a shop.

You know what can I get you?

And then he came in, I'd like a magic carpet.

And then all of a sudden he got into this,

it was like a used car battle.

Where he was trying to work me down

over this used magic carpet

and I was this used magic carpet salesmen

that was like trying to sell Vince on the fact

that he needs the bigger model.

He needs to spend a little more money

and he's trying to work me down.

It went on for five to 10 minutes,

this improv between Vince's character

and my used magic carpet salesmen.

And everyone in the room was screaming and laughing

and on the ground crying.

My question is where's Sofia when all this is happening?

You're married to one of the

most beautiful woman in the world.

One of the sexiest women to have ever lived.

And you're in a room playing Dungeons and Dragons,

where is she?

Does she approve of all of this?

Well here's the thing Conan, she knows where I am.

I'm not out in a back alley getting in trouble.

Yeah okay all right, right.

So she always knows every time where you are

and what you're up to.

She's knows where I am yeah,

and I think that's the most important thing.