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  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

  • EVERYBODY.

  • LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.

  • HELLO, JON.

  • >> Jon: WOOOO!

  • THAT'S A BAND THERE.

  • >> Stephen: IT IS.

  • I HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR YOU, JON.

  • DO YOU HAVE FRIENDS DOWN IN GEORGIA?

  • >> Jon: YES, I HAVE FRIEND IN GEORGIA, OF COURSE.

  • FAMILY IN GEORGIA.

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW IF THEY'RE REGISTERED TO VOTE.

  • REMEMBER, THE DEADLINE TO REGISTER TO VOTE IN THE RUNOFFS

  • IN JANUARY FOR THE TWO SENATE SEATS, THAT'S DECEMBER 7.

  • >> Jon: RIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY.

  • >> Jon: RIGHT, DECEMBER 7 IS THE DEADLINE.

  • SO GOTTA SPREAD THE WORD.

  • >> Stephen: YOU CAN REGISTER EVEN IF YOU WEREN'T REGISTERED

  • FOR THE GENERAL ELECTION IN NOVEMBER, RIGHT?

  • >> Jon: RIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: AND IF YOU WEREN'T OLD ENOUGH AT THE GENERAL

  • ELECTION.

  • SO IF YOU'VE TURNED 18 BETWEEN NOVEMBER 3 AND JANUARY 5,

  • RIGHT-- I THINK THAT'S THE ELECTION.

  • BOOM.

  • YOU'RE IN.

  • >> Jon: BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

  • THERE IT IS.

  • >> Stephen: YOU CAN REQUEST A BALLOT BY MAIL.

  • AGAIN, IT'S JANUARY 5.

  • FOR MORE INFORMATION TO EVERYBODY OUT THERE-- AND PLEASE

  • TELL YOUR FRIENDS IN GEORGIA, JON, GO TO BETTERED

  • KNOWABALLOT.COM/GA, FOR ALL THE RESOURCES YOU NEED AND A

  • STEP-BY-STEP VIDEO BY ME ON HOW TO REGISTER TO VOTE.

  • IT'S FREE.

  • YOU'RE LOSING MONEY IF YOU DON'T GO.

  • >> Jon: YOU CAN DO IT RIGHT NOW.

  • >> Stephen: JON, YOU HAVE ANY RUNOFF MUSIC, SOMETHING FOR A

  • RUNOFF?

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

  • >> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.

  • THANK YOU, JON.

  • >> Jon: ♪ OH, GEORGIA

  • >> Stephen: CHILDREN: THEY'RE LIKE ADULTS, BUT NOT AS

  • EDUCATED.

  • AND THEY CERTAINLY DON'T TALK IN PERFECT WORD CHOICES LIKE WE CAN

  • DO IT.

  • AND WITH KIDS SPENDING MORE TIME AT HOME RIGHT NOW, PARENTS ARE

  • REALIZING THEY ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS.

  • SO I'VE BEEN PROVIDING A SERVICE WHERE I ANSWER REAL QUESTIONS

  • FROM REAL KIDS, SENT IN BY REAL PARENTS WHO ARE REAL TIRED.

  • SO, PARENTS, FEEL FREE TO TAKE A BREAK AND LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN IN

  • FRONT OF THE TV.

  • BECAUSE IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR >> "STEPHEN TAKES YOUR KIDS!"

  • >> Stephen: I AM NO LONGER ASKING YOU, I AM TELLING YOU: WE

  • ARE CHANGING THAT NAME!

  • HI, KIDS.

  • I'M STEPHEN, AND I'LL BE YOUR TEACHER TODAY.

  • AND I'M HERE TO ANSWER QUESTIONS, SINCE MY MIND IS FULL

  • OF ALL THE CORRECT ANSWERS.

  • HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT I NEVER ASK A QUESTION?

  • EXACTLY.

  • LET'S GET STARTED.

  • FIRST QUESTION!

  • >> DOES A CHICKEN TALK TO A CHICKEN?

  • >> Stephen: YES, IT CAN, UNLESS THE SECOND CHICKEN FORGOT THE

  • FIRST CHICKEN'S BIRTHDAY.

  • THEN THEY MAY NOT TALK FOR MONTHS.

  • NEXT QUESTION!

  • >> WHAT HAPPENS IF YOGURT GOES IN YOUR-- UM-- NOSE?

  • >> Stephen: OKAY, THIS DOES NOT SEEM LIKE A HYPOTHETICAL.

  • BUT DON'T PANIC-- I'M GOING TO TALK YOU THROUGH THIS.

  • YOU GOT TWO OPTIONS: ONE, GO GET A TISSUE, AND BLOW IT OUT.

  • TWO, ADD SOME BLENDED FRUIT AND PROTEIN POWDER.

  • THEN YOU DON'T HAVE YOGURT UP YOUR NOSE.

  • YOU'RE JUST MAKING A DELICIOUS NASAL SMOOTHIE.

  • NEXT QUESTION.

  • >> IF THERE WAS ONE CHARACTER IN THE ENTIRE "LORD OF THE RINGS"

  • STORY LINE THAT COULD BE AN AVOCADO, WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK

  • COULD BE THE AVOCADO?" >> Stephen: WOW.

  • THAT IS AN INCREDIBLE QUESTION.

  • FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS ON ASKING ME PERHAPS THE ONLY

  • QUESTION ABOUT "THE LORD OF THE RINGS" THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN

  • ASKED BEFORE.

  • I HAVE TO GIVE THIS SOME THOUGHT.

  • SAM.

  • SAM IS THE AVOCADO.

  • NEXT?

  • >> I'M CONFUSED.

  • WHICH LAMBORGHINI SHOULD I PICK FOR MY SCHOOL PROJECT, A

  • CENTENARIO OR THE PERFORMANTE?" >> Stephen: MAHESH, I GOTTA SAY,

  • I'M CONFUSED, TOO.

  • I MEAN, CENTANARIO OR PERFORMANTE?

  • ARE THOSE REALLY THE ONLY TWO CHOICES, MAHESH?

  • I MEAN, SURE, THE REAR-WHEEL STEERING AND THE INCREASED

  • DOWN-FORCE MAKE THE CENTENARIO A TECHNICAL MARVEL AND MOVING

  • TRIBUTE TO THE ANNIVERSARY OF FERRUCCIO LAMBORGHINI'S BIRTH,

  • BUT EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S ESSENTIALLY JUST A MODIFIED

  • AVENTADOR.

  • AND, YES, THE PERFORMANTE IS A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF ENGINEERING

  • FROM THE CARBON FIBRE FRONT BUMPER TO THE FORGED COMPOSITE

  • REAR SPOILER.

  • BUT HAVE YOU EVEN CONSIDERED THE CLASSIC COUNTACH LP-400?

  • I'M TALKING ABOUT THE INITIAL MODEL WITH THE NARROW TIRES AND

  • LOW DRAG COEFFICIENT.

  • IT MAY NOT HAVE THE PERFORMANCE CAPABILITY OF NEWER MODELS, BUT

  • THE ICONIC SCISSOR DOORS AND THE STRIKING ALLOY BODY WORK

  • HELPED IT PIONEER THE ANGLED ITALIAN WEDGE DESIGN THAT WOULD

  • GO ON TO BECOME A LAMBORGHINI SIGNATURE.

  • BUT IT'S YOUR SCHOOL PROJECT.

  • DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

  • NEXT QUESTION.

  • >> WHY DO DINOSAURS STOMP ALL DAY AND NIGHT?

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S AN IMPORTANT QUESTION.

  • THANK YOU.

  • THERE'S A LOT TO UNPACK THERE.

  • THERE'S TWO REASONS THEY DO THIS, REALLY.

  • DINOSAURS STOMP ALL DAY BECAUSE THEY'RE STILL UPSET THAT COMET

  • WIPED OUT ALL OF THEIR FRIENDS.

  • AND DINOSAURS STOMP ALL NIGHT BECAUSE THEIR DOWNSTAIRS

  • NEIGHBOR IRV IS PLAYING THE MUSIC TOO LOUD, AND THEY HAVE TO

  • BE ON A ZOOM CALL FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.

  • WE ALL LIKE STEELY DAN, IRV, BUT TURN DOWN THE "AJA."

  • NEXT QUESTION.

  • >> MY QUESTION IS, CAN YOU CATCH A CLOUD?

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S A DEEP QUESTION, JAMES.

  • TRYING TO THROW YOUR ARMS AROUND A CLOUD WOULD BE LIKE TRYING TO

  • CATCH A MOMENT IN TIME.

  • RATHER THAN CAUGHT, IT IS TO BE OBSERVED LIKE ALL THE MOMENTS

  • THAT FLOAT ACROSS THE SKY OF OUR LIVES.

  • WE CANNOT KEEP THEM, AND THAT VERY FACT GIVES THEM A TRAGIC

  • BEAUTY.

  • WE ARE HERE BUT ONCE, SO SEEK NOT TO HOLD WHAT CANNOT BE HELD,

  • JAMES, ONLY BE PRESENT TO EXPERIENCE IT.

  • EITHER THAT OR ASK YOUR PARENTS TO SPRING FOR STEPHEN COLBERT'S

  • CLOUD VACUUM, WHICH RETAILS ON OUR WEBSITE FOR ONLY $349.99.

  • STEPHEN COLBERT'S CLOUD VACUUM: WE PROMISE IT'S GONNA SUCK!

  • NEXT QUESTION.

  • >> HOW DOES SANTA GET THE PRESENTS TO ALL OF THE KIDS IN

  • ONE DAY?

  • I'M LIKE...

  • >> Stephen: THAT IS A TOUGH ONE, JULIA.

  • LUCKILY, I HAPPEN TO BE GOOD FRIENDS WITH SANTA, AND MAYBE HE

  • CAN ANSWER THIS ONE HIMSELF.

  • SANTA?

  • >> HO, HO, HO, HO, HO!

  • HI, JULIA.

  • IT'S ME, SANTA.

  • HOW DO I DO IT?

  • I'LL TELL YA HOW I DO IT.

  • YOU DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, ALL RIGHT?

  • YOU FILL OUT YOUR CHRISTMAS LIST, AND COME CHRISTMAS

  • MORNING, YOU OPEN YOUR PRETTY LITTLE EYES, AND THERE'LL BE

  • PRESENTS.

  • THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.

  • I'LL GET IT DONE, PANDEMIC OR NO PANDEMIC.

  • I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 10,000 YEARS.

  • IT'S GONNA GET DONE.

  • ALL RIGHT?

  • SO I DON'T NEED THE "HUH?" I DON'T NEED THAT EXPRESSION.

  • I DON'T NEED THAT FROM YOU.

  • SO, DON'T WORRY.

  • IT'LL GET DONE.

  • THANK YOU.

  • OH, THANKS FOR THE COOKIES.

  • >> Stephen: THANKS, SANTA.

  • AND THANK YOU, KIDS.

  • WELL, PARENTS, I HOPE THAT GAVE YOU A LITTLE BREAK.

  • AND IF YOUR KIDS HAVE QUESTIONS AT HOME, PLEASE POST A VIDEO TO

  • SOCIAL MEDIA USING THE HASHTAG COLBERT-KID-QUESTIONS, AND WE

  • MIGHT JUST FEATURE IT IN OUR NEXT INSTALLMENT OF "STEPHEN

  • TAKES YOUR KIDS."

  • LOOK ME IN THE EYES.

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

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B1 stephen jon question santa georgia lamborghini

Will "Santa Claus" Ferrell Helps Stephen Answer Real Questions From Real Kids

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/12/05
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