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  • Have you ever had this happen?

  • Where one night:

  • Oh my god, everyone is hanging out without me. Why wasn't I invited?!

  • And then the next:

  • Oh my god, why did I agree to hang out with everybody?

  • Ugh. Why did they invite me?

  • The struggle is real and completely contradictory.

  • But lately I have been painfully self-aware that I am being excluded from things.

  • Like, the other day I opened my FOMO app and noticed that some friends went bowling and didn't invite me,

  • [gasp]

  • and I immediately went into a spiral of inferiority and shame and felt like I was 8 years old again.

  • [laughter]

  • But the thing is, I don't even like bowling.

  • If they had invited me, I probably wouldn't even have wanted to go!

  • But did that stop me from crying and convincing myself that I'm a worthless heap of trash?

  • No.

  • And then last week, I was talking to a friend, when she asked,

  • - Hey, are you going to Melissa's party?

  • - Oh I didn't know she was having a party.

  • - Yeah, you didn't get the invite? - No.

  • - Check your spam, I'm sure it went into your spam.

  • - Nothing.

  • - Facebook?

  • - Nada.

  • - Insta DM? - Zilch.

  • - Text? - Nope.

  • - Smoke signal? - Nothing.

  • - Huh.

  • Well, I'm sure you could come. She probably just forgot to invite you. It happens.

  • - Yeah.

  • There are a few things you can do when you feel left out.

  • I mean, if you feel like a friend is intentionally excluding you,

  • yes, that probably warrants a conversation to find out what's wrong.

  • - Why didn't you put out the smoke signal for me?

  • - Because it's an archaic way to communicate. I can't build an entire fire every time you wanna hang out.

  • I mean, invest in string and a can.

  • But sometimes, friends just hang out without you.

  • And in my case, I have to accept that when I feel left out,

  • this has way more to do with my own insecurity than my friends actually trying to hurt my feelings.

  • And I have been asking myself,

  • "Why, when I see my friends hanging out without me, is my first thought:

  • They hate me.

  • They've hated me this entire time.

  • So a few days ago, when friends made plans to go to a movie in front of me,

  • without an extended invite,

  • I took a deep breath, and I thought to myself,

  • I'm happy for them. You know what?

  • They're gonna have a good time. And if I'm really being honest with myself,

  • I don't even wanna go to a movie!

  • I want to go home and spend some time with a book.

  • Wait, did I say that out loud?

  • I'm Anna Akana, and you're coming to Becca's party, right?

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Have you ever had this happen?

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B1 invite anna basket spam hang sun

People making plans in front of you (that don't include you)

  • 8 2
    林宜悉 posted on 2020/11/29
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