Where one night:

Oh my god, everyone is hanging out without me. Why wasn't I invited?!

And then the next:

Oh my god, why did I agree to hang out with everybody?

Ugh. Why did they invite me?

The struggle is real and completely contradictory.

But lately I have been painfully self-aware that I am being excluded from things.

Like, the other day I opened my FOMO app and noticed that some friends went bowling and didn't invite me,

[gasp]

and I immediately went into a spiral of inferiority and shame and felt like I was 8 years old again.

[laughter]

But the thing is, I don't even like bowling.

If they had invited me, I probably wouldn't even have wanted to go!

But did that stop me from crying and convincing myself that I'm a worthless heap of trash?

No.

And then last week, I was talking to a friend, when she asked,

- Hey, are you going to Melissa's party?

- Oh I didn't know she was having a party.

- Yeah, you didn't get the invite? - No.

- Check your spam, I'm sure it went into your spam.

- Nothing.

- Facebook?

- Nada.

- Insta DM? - Zilch.

- Text? - Nope.

- Smoke signal? - Nothing.

- Huh.

Well, I'm sure you could come. She probably just forgot to invite you. It happens.

- Yeah.

There are a few things you can do when you feel left out.

I mean, if you feel like a friend is intentionally excluding you,

yes, that probably warrants a conversation to find out what's wrong.

- Why didn't you put out the smoke signal for me?

- Because it's an archaic way to communicate. I can't build an entire fire every time you wanna hang out.

I mean, invest in string and a can.

But sometimes, friends just hang out without you.

And in my case, I have to accept that when I feel left out,

this has way more to do with my own insecurity than my friends actually trying to hurt my feelings.

And I have been asking myself,

"Why, when I see my friends hanging out without me, is my first thought:

They hate me.

They've hated me this entire time.

So a few days ago, when friends made plans to go to a movie in front of me,

without an extended invite,

I took a deep breath, and I thought to myself,

I'm happy for them. You know what?

They're gonna have a good time. And if I'm really being honest with myself,

I don't even wanna go to a movie!

I want to go home and spend some time with a book.

Wait, did I say that out loud?

I'm Anna Akana, and you're coming to Becca's party, right?

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