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  • You know what's weird?

  • - Now the NSA can't see what I'm doing.

  • - I don't really think the NSA cares about whatever it is you're doing.

  • I'm pretty sure they have more pressing concerns.

  • [phone rings]

  • Oh, I have to take this. Hello?

  • - Ms. Akana, this is the National Security Agency.

  • [dramatic music]

  • Oh, hey Wendy, what's up?

  • So your ex called his best friend yesterday and I have so. Much. Tea.

  • Tell me everything. - I'm brewing a pot now.

  • Which means that I'm emailing you the transcript.

  • - You're the best. - Anything for you boss.

  • Oh, can you also tell your friend to hide the one on her phone?

  • She does some really weird stuff when she's alone, and we don't have the ability to turn off the cameras.

  • I was having a conversation about self-worth with a friend the other day when she said,

  • "Yeah, if my career disappeared tomorrow

  • I'd be a hundred percent okay."

  • And I was like, [record scratch]

  • "Wow. Yeah, uh. Definitely-- I would not feel that way at all."

  • One of my resolutions for this year,

  • and for the rest of my life really,

  • is to not tie my self-worth to my productivity.

  • And it's not that I don't want to be productive

  • But I also don't want to feel like a terrible human being when I'm not producing professional results.

  • But that has made me wonder. How do you even define self-worth, right?

  • Because obviously the ideal is having your own internal measure of success that is based on an unshakable

  • faith in your worth that no external factors could possibly affect it.

  • But really how do you implement that in your life?

  • Because I usually value myself based on my positive contributions to the world:

  • how helpful I am to humans and animals, and the strength of my support system.

  • But if all of that fell away,

  • would I still feel like I am worthy?

  • No, absolutely not.

  • I'm a potato.

  • And I have to really think and ask myself this question like,

  • What would I need to feel totally okay if everything was taken away from me?

  • And after a lot of thinking I came to the conclusion that I would need to feel that, at my core,

  • I am enough.

  • Just me as is.

  • No fancy career, no loving friends, no passions, no art, no multi-cat family --

  • If I had none of that to feel like I'm enough, I would need full self-acceptance and compassion and self-love.

  • But it's like, how do you even achieve that?

  • And that's an even more difficult question.

  • And I realized, after a lot of internet, and hunting, and book reading, and article reading

  • that it comes down to taking total responsibility for your life, your circumstances, and your problems.

  • And it means acknowledging that we have the personal power to shape our reality in the image that we want,

  • to stay true to our values,

  • to live in authenticity as much as we can, and to forgive ourselves for our flaws while simultaneously

  • striving to live wholeheartedly and be our best.

  • It means having your inner world be so solid

  • that the outside chaos can't even sway your belief in yourself and your inherent value.

  • [deep inhale] No big deal. You just do that.

  • And obviously like I'm not there, or I would be Buddha

  • But it has been a very interesting phase in my life

  • Where I'm consciously thinking about how I want to

  • shape my belief system to serve me as I move into my 30s.

  • And the tangible steps that I am taking to reach a level of self-worth that is

  • [chuckles] much higher than my own,

  • is to cultivate habits outside of achievement, because I am such an achievement ho.

  • So I'm trying to do activities that are purely for fun.

  • And welcoming stillness and relaxation as necessary instead of a giant waste of time.

  • Dealing with my issues instead of avoiding it through

  • scrolling through social media endlessly, or binging TV or alcohol.

  • And really connecting to my values. And even defining what those are and

  • what they look like and how I implement them.

  • Self work to self-worth is really hard,

  • and what I find most annoying about personal growth is that it never ends.

  • I mean once you feel like you have a good handle on your stuff, you're like, oh wait

  • There's another room in this house full of stuff I didn't even know existed.

  • But I also know that growing is a... big part of being a happy human.

  • So.

  • What about you? I mean, what do you think it would take for you to feel worthy

  • if every external factor in your life fell away?

  • And how are you gonna get there?

  • I'm Anna Akana,

  • and I want to say thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring my midlife crisis.

  • Squarespace has award winning templates and an all-in-one platform.

  • So there's no patches, upgrades or installs ever.

  • If you need a domain, look no further!

  • Squarespace has a simple and unique set-up experience

  • and 24-hour customer service if you have any crises of your own along the way.

  • You can go to squarespace.com/anna to start your free trial today

  • and use the offer code ANNA for 10% off at checkout.

  • That's squarespace.com/anna, and the offer code ANNA for 10% off.

You know what's weird?

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a self-worth having

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/11/13
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