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  • Clyde, thank you for being here.

  • Tell us what have we got here?

  • Well, we have a Chinchilla from Peru.

  • I thought that was an affluent rat, you had there.

  • (audience laughs)

  • A rat that had come into some money.

  • I've heard of... this is a Chinchilla.

  • I know the Chinchilla coats.

  • This was the animal they used to make Chinchilla coats.

  • And you can tell this...

  • So he'd go like over here

  • in this part of the coat right here.

  • No, I'm kidding, I like animals too.

  • This is incredible, they feel so soft.

  • Very, very dense follicles of hair.

  • (audience laughs)

  • This is not so soothing for the Chinchilla,

  • but for me, very calming.

  • This is what I do before every show,

  • as I have a Chinchilla brought to me and I...

  • (Conan sighs)

  • ... soothing.

  • Very nice.

  • This animal very seldom even drinks,

  • and it, it would never take a bath in water,

  • because high up in the Andes it's cold.

  • Right.

  • The follicles are so dense,

  • it would probably never dry out and would actually die,

  • so it bathes in dust.

  • Bathes in dust?

  • And if you put this animal in our...

  • I thought that was a shake and bake,

  • (audience laughs)

  • cook it up, is this extra crispy or Cajun spice?

  • So if I put the Chinchilla in here,

  • it will take a dust bath?

  • I think he will, yes.

  • Alright, this is a amazing.

  • (audience coos)

  • Oh, that's great television right there.

  • (Audience laughs)

  • And he's done, that was it?

  • That's it?

  • You can't just take a...

  • and then it leaves the pan and... that's nice Clyde,

  • throw it back into the dust.

  • (audience laughs)

  • This is the only way they can stay clean,

  • is to basically roll in dust,

  • and many other animals do this as well.

  • Is it soothing for the animal?

  • This is the Chinchilla at a four star spa.

  • A little massage right there.

  • (Conan sings)

  • You must calm Chinchilla calm, that's incredible.

  • Let me show you something else I brought along.

  • Let me show you something else,

  • alright, that sounded sinister,

  • when you said it that way.

  • I guess he's just chilling out right here, look at this.

  • Just hanging out, he can hang out, he's okay.

  • I hope that guy works for you.

  • (audience laughs)

  • That was an audience member that just came down.

  • 'I want a Chinchilla.'

  • Oh my God, look at this.

  • I took a group of people to Tanzania on a Safari in June,

  • and these are found in Tanzania,

  • in the Rocky areas of rather dry,

  • almost desert like conditions.

  • Yes.

  • And it's called a Tailless whip scorpion

  • or some people call them Cave dwelling spiders.

  • But, wait, wait, wait, which is it,

  • a spider or a scorpion?

  • Damned if I know.

  • (audience laughs)

  • I honestly...

  • Wait, you're whipping out a bug

  • and it may be a scorpion, but you're not sure?

  • I don't think it's a scorpion.

  • Well, thanks for the scientific breakdown.

  • (sarcastically) I don't know, it might be a scorpion.

  • I'm not sure.

  • How about if I put it on you?

  • Alright, okay I'm scared of these things.

  • They are poisonous.

  • (everyone screams)

  • It's on my crotch.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Off crotch, off crotch.

  • Okay, look at that.

  • Wait, that's great, yeah, that's nice.

  • Why do you put them on people?

  • (Conan screams)

  • Okay, look, it's clinging to you.

  • Alright, do you wanna put it on my hair?

  • Put it on my hair, all bugs like my hair, I've found.

  • It's not sticking is it?

  • Oh my God, oh my god, it just...

  • What's it doing, why is it...

  • Why is it on my... it's on my wrist right now.

  • It may be extending it's fangs.

  • I'm being very still, it's doing something.

  • It's like probing my wrist right now.

  • It's taking my pulse.

  • (audience exclaims)

  • They actually do have venom.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Are you an idiot, what do you mean it has venom?

  • Isn't the wrist the shallowest portion of the body?

  • So if a spider, a venomous spider,

  • or scorpion was to attack me,

  • the wrist might be the most lethal place.

  • It will be the main line.

  • Yeah, incredible, what a wonderful demonstration.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Should we remove the spiders please?

  • That's great.

  • Or scorpions or whatever they are.

  • How are we going to get this one off without it...

  • bite or it's okay?

  • It's going into the... okay,

  • it almost went into the sleeve,

  • which it thought of as a pale, freckled cave.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Alright, what's next?

  • Let's keep this moving Clyde.

  • Okay, here's another potentially dangerous animal.

  • I thought you meant her.

  • (audience laughs)

  • (Conan exclaims)

  • What is this, I was clowning around

  • and I didn't see you bring out this thing.

  • What is it?

  • Accurately enough,

  • it's called a black headed Python from Australia.

  • And these animals don't get quite as large

  • as some of the Asian and African Pythons.

  • They get about eight feet long and they're constrictors...

  • Oh, constrictors, good.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Put around neck and then mention the constricting part.

  • (audience laughs)

  • When they are ready to kill prey, they wrap around it,

  • they squeeze it tightly,

  • and the animal dies of suffocation or cardiac arrest.

  • That's great.

  • (audience laughs)

  • That's really great.

  • It is constricting a little bit right now around the throat.

  • Is that because it senses that I'm scared

  • and it's squeezing.

  • I think he's afraid of falling,

  • he wants to wrap around very tightly.

  • Okay, alright, so I should support him,

  • now, could it bite you in the face,

  • if I jammed this into your head right now?

  • (audience laughs)

  • If I came at you with this would it bite you in the head?

  • It could, yes he could.

  • So there's a chance

  • he would bite you in the head while it was strangling me.

  • (audience laughs)

  • But, it probably would turn around and bite you

  • because you have the tail end, and you know...

  • But at the last second,

  • the Chinchilla springs from its dust bath

  • and saves me, alright.

  • He could consume the Chinchilla.

  • They swallow their prey whole.

  • Their jaws distend enough

  • that this animal could swallow something as long as...

  • Do you ever make these animals fight each other?

  • Is that as HBO kind of thing, Cinemax?

  • No we don't.

  • Fox TV, definitely, alright.