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  • BUT FIRST, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THAT FINAL PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.

  • DID YOU GUYS WATCH LAST NIGHT?

  • REGGIE, DID YOU SEE IT?

  • >> Reggie: I DID.

  • >> James: YEAH?

  • WHAT DID YOU THINK?

  • >> Reggie: IT WAS ALARMINGLY MELLOW.

  • >> James: IT WAS.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE?

  • IT REMEANED ME OF A TIME THAT WE WERE GOING, I THINK ABOUT 13,

  • AND WE WERE GOING TO MY AUNTIE MARILYN'S AND I HAD BEEN QUITE

  • BADLY BEHAVED THE LAST TIME WE WERE THERE, RIGHT, AND I CAN

  • REMEMBER SO VIVIDLY, AND I ONLY REMEMBER IT WATCHING THE DEBATE

  • MY MOM GOING, NOW, NO MORE OF WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME.

  • DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

  • YOU'RE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR.

  • ANY MESSING AROUND, ANY CHATBACK, ARGUING, FIGHTING,

  • THAT'S IT, WE'LL JUST GO.

  • DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

  • I SAID, YES.

  • AND THE WHOLE TIME I WAS THERE, I WAS, THANK YOU, AUNTIE,

  • MARILYN.

  • AUNTIE MARILYN, IS THERE ANY CHANCE I COULD HAVE A CUP OF

  • TEA?

  • THANK YOU, AUNTIE MARILYN, I REALTY APPRECIATE IT.

  • THAT'S WHAT THE TWO OF THEM LOOKED LIKE ON THE STAGE.

  • THEY'D BOTH BEEN TOLD OFF.

  • >> Reggie: YEAH.

  • >> James: I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHO THAT DEBATE WAS FOR.

  • MORE THAN 47 MILLION AMERICAN VOTERS HAVE ALREADY VOTED.

  • WHO HASN'TMADE THEIR MIND UP?

  • I THINK PEOPLE ACTUALLY VOTED EARLY JUST SO THEY DIDN'T HAVE

  • TO WATCH THAT FINAL DEBATE.

  • WATCHING THE AT THE BAIT?

  • NO, I'VE SENT MINE IN.

  • I'LL BE WATCHING THE GIANTS-EAGLES GAME.

  • HAVE A GOOD ONE.

  • IT WAS FOR THE ONE REMAINING UNDECIDED VOTER.

  • I CAN TELL YOU HIS NAME IS CRAIG, HE LIVES IN DENVER, AND

  • FUNNY FACT ABOUT CRAIG, HE IS AN (BLEEP).

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LET'S TALK ABOUT THE DEBATE.

  • IT STARTED OUT PRETTY CIVIL WITH BOTH TRUMP AND BIDEN STAYING ON

  • TOPIC.

  • THE FIRST SUBJECT WAS THE CORONAVIRUS EPIDEMIC WHICH LED

  • TO THIS EXCHANGE -- >> WE'RE ABOUT TO GO INTO DARK

  • WINTER, A DARK WINTER, AND EHE HAS NO CLEAR PLAN AND THERE'S NO

  • PROSPECT THAT THERE'S GOING TO BE A VACCINE AVAILABLE FOR THE

  • MAJORITY OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE BEFORE THE MIDDLE OF NEXT YEAR.

  • >> PRESIDENT TRUMP, YOUR REACTION, HE SAYS YOU HAVE NO

  • PLAN.

  • >> I DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A DARK WINTER AT ALL.

  • >> James: THESE GUYS ARE SO EMO.

  • DARK WINTER SOUNDS LIKE AN "AVENGERS" MOVIE OR A SEQUEL TO

  • "THE HUNGER GAMES" THAT WILL NEVER BE IN THEATERS BECAUSE TO

  • HAVE THE DARK WINTER.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S ACTUALLY GOING TO BE A

  • FAIRLY WELL LIT WINTER BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE STUCK

  • INSIDE.

  • FOR ANY YOUNGER VIEWERS, WHEN I SAY WELL LIT, I DON'T MEAN THE

  • WAY YOU MEAN LIT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW, TIM KNOWS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) TIM'S THE POINT REFERENCE

  • WHENEVER I WANT TO GO, TIM, ONE OF THE YOUNG HIP AND GROOVY

  • GANG GOING FOR.

  • AND HE'LL COME BACK GOING, OH, HE'S, LIKE, FLOSSING IN THE

  • CORNER AND -- ( LAUGHTER )

  • AT ONE POINT, PRESIDENT TRUMP WENT ON THE ATTACK AND ACCUSED

  • BIDEN OF HIDING FROM COVID IN HIS BASEMENT.

  • >> WE'RE LEARNING TO LIVE WIT.

  • WE CAN'T LOCK OURSELVES UP IN THE BASEMENT LIKE JOE DOES.

  • HE'S OBVIOUSLY MADE A LOT OF MONEY SOMEPLACE, BUT HE HAS THIS

  • THING ABOUT LIVING IN A BASEMENT.

  • PEOPLE CAN'T DO THAT.

  • BY THE WAY, I, AS THE PRESIDENT, COULD DON'T THAT.

  • I'D LOVE TO PUT MYSELF IN THE BASEMENT OR IN A BEAUTIFUL ROOM

  • IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND GO AWAY FOR A YEAR AND A HALF UNTILT IT

  • DISAPPEARS.

  • >> James: YEAH, WE WOULD LOVE IT, TOO!

  • IMAGINE TRUMP DISAPPEARING LIKE THAT.

  • AFTER HE SAID THAT, EVEN MELANIA LOOKED UP FROM HER MAGAZINE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP SAID HE'D LOVE TO HIDE IN

  • THE BASEMENT FOR A YEAR.

  • BUT I GUESS HE'LL HAVE TO MAKE DUE WITH HIDING ON A GOLF COURSE

  • FOR BASICALLY THREE YEARS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, THE NIGHT STARTED OFF A

  • LITTLE SLOW, BUT THEN JOE BIDEN REALIZED EXACTLY WHO HE IS.

  • >> HE'S A VERY CONFUSED GUY.

  • HE THINKS HE'S RUNNING AGAINST SOMEBODY ELSE.

  • HE'S RUNNING AGAINST JOE BIDEN.

  • I BEAT ALL THOSE OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE I DISAGREED WITH THEM.

  • JOE BIDEN HE'S RUNNING AGAINST.

  • >> James: JOE BIDEN.

  • BIG BABY B.

  • THE BIG MAN.

  • THE SULTAN OF SLEEP.

  • COME ON, MY GUY!

  • EITHER JOE BIDEN FOUND HIS FIGHTING SPIRIT OR HE FORGET

  • THAT HE'S JOE BIDEN, BUT EITHER WAY, I'M PUMPED!

  • AT ONE POINT, THOUGH, TRUMP WENT AFTER BIDEN'S SON, HUNTER, AND

  • IMPLIED THAT BIDEN HIMSELF WAS INVOLVED IN SOMETHING UNETHICAL.

  • >> TO EVEN HAVE A STATEMENT THAT WE HAVE TO GIVE 10% TO THE BIG

  • MAN.

  • YOU'RE THE BIG MAN, I THINK.

  • I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE YOU'RE NOT.

  • BUT YOU'RE THE BIG MAN, I THINK.

  • >> James: THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

  • ANYTIME ANYONE -- THE ONLY TIME ANYONE USES THE PHRASE BIG MAN

  • IS IF THEY FORGET SOMEONE'S NAME.

  • YEAH, HOW YOU DOING, BIG MAN, BIG FELLA, TIM, REGGIE, BIG

  • ( BLEEP ) PLAYER.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T THINK JOE BIDEN IS THE

  • BIG MAN.

  • NO ONE LOOKS AT JOE BIDEN AND CALLS HIM THE BIG MAN.

  • IF I WAS GOING TO CALL HIM THAT, I WOULD CALL HIM, LIKE, SLICK,

  • NIGHT TIGER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Reggie: THAT'S GOOD.

  • >> James: TRUMP TRIED TO PORTRAY HIMSELF AS BEING TOUGH

  • ON RUSSIA SAYING THE UKRAINE ASKED FOR WEAPONS TO DEFEND

  • ITSELF FROM RUSSIA BUT OBAMA AND BIDEN GAVE THEM SOMETHING ELSE

  • INSTEAD.

  • >> I SOLD WHILE HE WAS SELLING PILLOWS AND SHEETS, I TOLD TANK

  • BUSTERS TO UKRAINE.

  • THERE HAS BEEN NOBODY TOUGHER ON RUSSIA THAN DONALD TRUMP.

  • >> James: AND IF YOU'RE INTERESTED ON PILLOWS AND SHEETS

  • IT'S AVAILABLE AT HIS NEW OUTLET STORE BED, BIDEN AND BEYOND.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ONE OF THE BIG JAW DROPPING

  • MOMENTS TO HAVE THE NIGHT IS WHEN TRUMP SAID THIS.

  • >> NOBODY HAS DONE MORE FOR THE BLACK COMMUNITY THAN DONALD

  • TRUMP, AND IF YOU LOOK, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN,

  • POSSIBLE EXCEPTION, BUT THE EXCEPTION OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN --

  • >> James: WOW.

  • THE HUMILITY.

  • IT'S A TOSSUP, ABRAHAM LINCOLN ENDED SLAVERY, DONALD TRUMP --

  • MET KANYE THAT ONE TIME.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW, TRUMP SAYS NOBODY HAS

  • DONE MORE FOR THE BLACK COMMUNITY, AND YOU CAN SEE THIS

  • BY HOW MUCH THE BLACK COMMUNITY COMES OUT TO SUPPORT TRUMP AT

  • HIS RALLIES.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT TRUMP DIDN'T START THIS.

  • A LITTLE WHILE LATER HE HAD THIS TO SAY.

  • >> I AM THE LEAST RACIST PERSON.

  • I CAN'T EVEN SEE THE AUDIENCE BECAUSE IT'S SO DARK, BUT I

  • DON'T CARE WHO'S IN THE AUDIENCE, I'M THE LEAST RACIST

  • PERSON IN THAT ROOM.

  • >> James: THAT ROOM MUFFIN PRETTY DARK BECAUSE HE COULD

  • UPPT SEE THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN MODERATOR TEN FEET IN FRONT OF

  • HIM.

  • THE LEAST RACIST PERSON IN THE ROOM.

  • THAT WOULD ONLY BE TRUE IF HE WAS IN A SINGLE-STALL BATHROOM.

  • DONALD TRUMP, JR. WAS AT THE DEBATE MEANING DO DONALD TRUMP

  • ISN'T EVEN THE LEAST RACIST PERSON IN THAT ROOM.

  • THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE WHO ARE RACIST DO, THEY COMPARE HOW NOT

  • RACIST THEY ARE.

  • THEN THEY GOT INTO THE ISSUE OF CLIMATE CHANGE, AND TRUMP

  • PAINTED A PICTURE OF...

  • SOME BIZARRE ARCHITECTURE.

  • TAKE A LOOK.

  • >> WHEN HE SAYS BUILDINGS, I WANT TO TAKE THE BUILDINGS DOWN

  • BECAUSE I WANT TO MAKE BIGGER WINDOWS INTO SMALLER WINDOWS.

  • IF YOU HAD NO WINDOW, IT WOULD BE A FUNNY THING.

  • >> JAMES: I GOT TO HAND IT TO TRUMP.

  • THAT'S A FUNNY IMAGE.

  • BIG BUILDING, LITTLE WINDOWS-- THAT'S JUST CLASSIC COMEDY.

  • BUT THERE'S A VERY SIMPLE REASON WHY TRUMP IS AFRAID OF TINY

  • WINDOWS.

  • THE MOST COMMON PLACE YOU FIND THEM IS IN A PRISON.

  • TINY WINDOWS?

  • >> Reggie: JAIL.

  • >> James: THAT'S RIGHT, IN JAIL, IN PRISON.

  • REGGIE, I WILL GIVE YOU $100 IF YOU CAN EXPLAIN WHAT TRUMP WAS

  • TALKING ABOUT.

  • >> Reggie: I THINK, UH, HE'S TALKING ABOUT IN THE '80s,

  • WHEN THERE WAS A MANDATE BY FEDERAL LOCAL INSTITUTES SUCH AS

  • SCHOOLS TO MAKE THEM MORE ENERGY EFFICIENT, THEY TOOK AWAY

  • PROBABLY 60% TO 70% OF THE WINDOW SIZE, AND IT WAS VERY

  • TINY AND KIND OF DEPRESSING AND NOW WE SEE A REVERSAL ON THAT

  • TREND.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: HERE'S THE THING

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: HERE'S THE THING

  • ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST SAW, RIGHT, NUMBER ONE, REGGIE WATTS,

  • SMARTEST GUY IN THE ROOM AND, NUMBER TWO, NOT ONE OTHER PERSON

  • IN THIS ROOM KNOWS WHETHER THAT'S RIGHT OR NOT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND WHAT WE'VE ALL DONE IS GO --

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SOUNDS CONVINCING.

  • TRUMP THEN HAD THIS TO SAY ABOUT WIND.

  • >> WE'RE ENERGY DEPENDENT.

  • I KNOW MORE ABOUT WIND THAN YOU DO.

  • >> James: OKAY, EASY THERE CAPTAIN PLANET.

  • YOU KNOW WHY TRUMP DOES KNOW MORE ABOUT WIND?

  • FULL OF HOT AIR!

  • HIT ME, GUILLERMO!

  • ( RIM SHOT ) ♪

  • ♪ ♪

  • ♪ >> James: SO THAT'S IT!

  • THAT IS IT, GUYS.

  • NO MORE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES.

  • WEWERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THREE, WE ENDED UP WITH TWO, ONE WAS

  • ILL BEHAVED, NASTY AND OFF THE RAILS, THEOUT WAS BORING, IT

  • BASICALLY SUMS UP BOTH TO HAVE THE CANDIDATES.

  • AND, NOW, AMERICA, IT'S UP TO YOU.

BUT FIRST, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THAT FINAL PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.

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