Eminem is fucking 41.

- What?! - Yep!

- No, he's not. - Yeah!

- No, he's not. - Dude, no, it's true.

And his daughter, Hailey, 18.

I feel so old!

Lately it's like I turn on the TV

and all the athletes and pop stars

are younger than me.

Yeah, Blake Griffin is 25.

- I'm 26! - I'm 26.

- We're so old. - So old!

I would say going to the bathroom is my greatest struggle.

We are closer in age to Homer Simpson than we are Bart Simpson.

I read on Buzzfeed that if Bart Simpson were a human

he'd be 37 years old.

We are so old. - We're so old.

I thought about my dead husband today

and realized I could no longer clearly picture his face.

Do you guys realize we've been out of college almost as long as we were in college?

I want to get a dog to be less lonely,

but I think I'd die first and then he'd be lonely.

Aubrey is gonna be a mom!

She's our age and she's gonna be a mom.

- Papa, you ready for church? - I'm not your father.

Sorry, I have dementia.

Ever since I started working full time two weeks ago, I automatically wake up earlier on the weekends.

It's like my body knows. It knows!

I can't sleep at night because all my bones hurt..and my regrets.

Yesterday, while I was fucking my girlfriend,she found a gray chest hair!

Well, there goes the last of them molars.

When I smile now, I have, like, lines.

Like...

Oh!

This is normal now.

Nintendo 64 came out 18 years ago!

You're fucking lying!

I used to have 33 cousins.

Now I have no cousins.

The Chuck-E-Cheese mouse is different now!

- Different how?! - It's skinny!

Kids born in 2000 are teenagers now!

- No...no. I won't...I don't - Teenagers!

I'm going to be sick.

Well, at least we're not fucking idiots.

We're so old!

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