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  • -You know what I read the other day? -Hmm?

  • Eminem is fucking 41.

  • - What?! - Yep!

  • - No, he's not. - Yeah!

  • - No, he's not. - Dude, no, it's true.

  • And his daughter, Hailey, 18.

  • I feel so old!

  • Lately it's like I turn on the TV

  • and all the athletes and pop stars

  • are younger than me.

  • Yeah, Blake Griffin is 25.

  • - I'm 26! - I'm 26.

  • - We're so old. - So old!

  • I would say going to the bathroom is my greatest struggle.

  • We are closer in age to Homer Simpson than we are Bart Simpson.

  • I read on Buzzfeed that if Bart Simpson were a human

  • he'd be 37 years old.

  • We are so old. - We're so old.

  • I thought about my dead husband today

  • and realized I could no longer clearly picture his face.

  • Do you guys realize we've been out of college almost as long as we were in college?

  • I want to get a dog to be less lonely,

  • but I think I'd die first and then he'd be lonely.

  • Aubrey is gonna be a mom!

  • She's our age and she's gonna be a mom.

  • - Papa, you ready for church? - I'm not your father.

  • Sorry, I have dementia.

  • Ever since I started working full time two weeks ago, I automatically wake up earlier on the weekends.

  • It's like my body knows. It knows!

  • I can't sleep at night because all my bones hurt..and my regrets.

  • Yesterday, while I was fucking my girlfriend,she found a gray chest hair!

  • Well, there goes the last of them molars.

  • When I smile now, I have, like, lines.

  • Like...

  • Oh!

  • This is normal now.

  • Nintendo 64 came out 18 years ago!

  • You're fucking lying!

  • I used to have 33 cousins.

  • Now I have no cousins.

  • The Chuck-E-Cheese mouse is different now!

  • - Different how?! - It's skinny!

  • Kids born in 2000 are teenagers now!

  • - I won't...I don't - Teenagers!

  • I'm going to be sick.

  • Well, at least we're not fucking idiots.

  • We're so old!

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-You know what I read the other day? -Hmm?

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A2 US simpson fucking bart lonely chuck cheese hailey

If You're Only 20-Something, Stop Saying You're Old

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    Halu Hsieh posted on 2014/05/28
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