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  • often isn't much time for the finer nuances of psychology In our day to day lives, when we collide with a problematic or annoying person, we tend simply to capture what annoys us in a very general way.

  • We call them neurotic or mad, difficult or a head case.

  • It's understandable that we should reach out like this for a catchall term, but there are better and worse words to generalize with the most effective, comprehensive and humane is also one of the simplest in maturity.

  • If we wanted to sum up most of what is askew with ourselves and our fellow ailing and troublesome humans, we could do worse than to define our collective deficiencies on insanity under the umbrella term immature.

  • It is out of maturity that we rage and slander that were meek and uncreative, that we grow suspicious and panicky that were insulted on, offend, and why have we not developed as we should?

  • If we wanted to further generalize, we can point to two problematic dynamics that operate in the background of almost all our most regrettable moments, one low self worth to low trust.

  • In others.

  • It is these two phenomena that seem best able to explain why living with ourselves and others can prove at points so immeasurably difficult.

  • Where there is low self worth, a litany of troubles follow among them.

  • An inability to take criticism and inability to disagree firmly but calmly with someone else.

  • A paranoid fear that others must hate us, a sense that disaster and punishment must come our way.

  • An inability to show our true Selves, a sense that what we really think won't appeal to anyone, from which follows a lack of creativity and originality and finally, a defensive grandiosity and arrogance that masks our own fragile ego.

  • And where there is low trust in others, a range of adjoining difficulties arises an inability to trust those who want to help us and give us feedback and inability to teach others about what we feel, want and think.

  • A fear that others are always primed to attack and denigrate us, a sense that because others have let us down, they might do so again, which inspires conservatism, lack of trust and rigidity.

  • Unsurprisingly, both of these dynamics low self worth and low trust in others could be traced back to floored developments in childhood.

  • It is a hugely unfortunate vulnerability in our makeup that we cannot possibly value ourselves until we've bean valued very deeply by somebody else.

  • We learn toe like who we are because someone way back first liked who we were.

  • It was through their enthusiasm and resilient care for us that we gradually grew able to internalize a positive self image and then acquired the tools to care for ourselves and others.

  • Even when the world beyond was ambiguous or hostile, The caregivers, kindly supportive voice became the way we learned to speak to ourselves at moments of crisis.

  • As a result of love.

  • We have the strength to hear criticism.

  • We can apply boundaries and push back against unfair treatment.

  • We don't await punishment or disaster.

  • We could be ourselves in company on our minds of creative on, unafraid of their depths.

  • Trust in others is similarly the gift of a good childhood, the result of a positive relationship with one or two people in our formative years.

  • When we entered the kitchen not every time but enough times to form a protective layer over our ego, this other person looked up and lit up.

  • We trusted them.

  • If there was something that worried us.

  • We knew they would listen and try to help.

  • They would never humiliate or attack us.

  • They were on our side.

  • They might have had a name for us little champion button chops or sweet sheep.

  • At one point in adolescence, we certainly didn't want that name used anymore, and it would be mortifying if colleagues knew it today.

  • But it remains a secret symbol of an emotional bedrock upon which all are later confidence was able to emerge in dark moments.

  • It can be tempting to assume that if we've not had adequate love in the early years on have lacked experience of good relationships with done for, the truth is less dark.

  • We will face great difficulties, a kind of tax on our whole lives, exacted by our childhoods that other luckier people will never have to pay.

  • But we can follow three routes to ameliorate our sorrows.

  • Firstly, we need toe understand the past.

  • This is less obvious than it can sound.

  • It takes a great deal of courage to explore at the necessary level of detail what really happened to us and why the minds temptation is to flee such uncomfortable material for easier subjects.

  • But really recovery requires a proper engagement with the humiliations and agonies of yesteryear.

  • Secondly, we need to be able to commune around our wounds with other people who've gone through the same or similar things.

  • We need to ensure that we're not going to be alone with our pains and that we can build connections with fellow sufferers.

  • Thirdly, a related point.

  • We need to build reparative relationships.

  • If we were not properly loved, then we need to find people who could love us properly Now, which is not going to be an easy task when, because of our histories were liable to reject any appropriate candidates who offer themselves.

  • We need other people to help us to lessen our suspicion of ourselves and then to help us to see that the world won't always reject our ideas or try to Marcus or have no time for our riel Selves.

  • People tend nowadays to pride themselves on their capacity for some hard work.

  • There is no harder work than that just outlined.

  • It leads directly to no greater sums of money and no higher status.

often isn't much time for the finer nuances of psychology In our day to day lives, when we collide with a problematic or annoying person, we tend simply to capture what annoys us in a very general way.

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B1 inability trust generalize immature maturity reject

Two Reasons People Are Immature

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/10/14
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