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  • Hey Ambitious Professionals, it's Linda Raynier of Lindaraynier.com guiding you to a career and life you'll truly enjoy. Now in today's video

  • I'm going to walk you through questions that you really want to ask yourself if you find that you're someone who struggles with

  • social anxiety at work, in the sense that you have trouble communicating and connecting with your co-workers and your bosses

  • but you want to be able to be seen as

  • leadership material and be considered for senior management positions in the future

  • As a Career Strategist, I've had the pleasure of helping many professionals land their dream job offers

  • and if you're interested in working with me one-on-one, I can give you details about that at the end of this video. In

  • my line of work,

  • I've met all kinds of professionals

  • and there are some that I've come across who, maybe this is you, where you are a very hardworking

  • professional, you do a good job in your company, you are recognized for being someone who works extremely hard

  • and you take pride in that as well.

  • But at the same time, you find that when it comes to developing relationships - really solid bonds with your co-workers, with your bosses and

  • being able to portray that sense of confidence within yourself through the way you communicate

  • You struggle a little bit in that area and you know that if you really want to become the leader that you deserve to be

  • in the future that that's something that you really want to work on. So a lot of the time these

  • professionals would ask me the question, "how can I learn how to communicate better

  • to my co-workers and my bosses so that they can see me as leadership potential?Now the thing about that is that

  • communication is one aspect to it

  • But there's actually a whole other layer that you may not even recognize is something

  • that's holding you back from even being able to

  • communicate with them in the first place. Because one thing that I really want you to remember is when it comes to being a truly

  • great leader, so for example when you look at

  • inspirational people who are leaders in their fields, you find that there's an element of

  • authenticity

  • they're genuine and

  • there's a component to them that really truly knows themself. So for you,

  • if you really want to be that great leader eventually in your career, you have to really learn more about yourself; know yourself first.

  • It's not just about working hard. And the more you can know yourself

  • it's going to give you an advantage because then the more that you're gonna get to know others.

  • Because if you can understand your own feelings emotions

  • thought

  • processes, you can start to relate to others from that perspective so it's at a much deeper level and so the bond that you can

  • create with other people, other human beings, is going to be at a much deeper level

  • than just very surface level conversation. So now let's go through the questions

  • and I want you as we go through to really ask yourself is this something that I'm dealing with and

  • From there you'll be able to figure out a way to really improve yourself in that area. Question #1 that you want to ask yourself:

  • "Is there a place inside of me that is seeking their approval?"

  • I completely understand that if you were interacting with your boss or your boss's boss or their boss

  • Or anyone in the you know sort of senior executive management team that at times you may feel

  • Intimidated because it's hard for you to feel completely yourself around them and especially if you're coming from a background where

  • You are told to respect your elders growing up especially for someone like me growing up in an Asian household

  • We were always told to respect our elders and so

  • Whether or not they were older if they had a higher rank

  • You had to show respect you had to be polite you had to be courteous

  • So it's almost like when you interact with them it you feel as though subconsciously

  • You don't even realize it you're almost feeling as though you're bowing down to them

  • Because on the inside you think that's a sign of respect. I'm being polite and courteous to them, but do you actually know?

  • What's happening when you're interacting with them in that way? You're actually making the other person feel a little awkward

  • Because what's actually happening without you even realizing it is that you're looking to that person to

  • Validate you to make you feel worthy of yourself

  • Instead of showcasing your own Worth and your own value just front on with them. You're almost

  • Lowering yourself to them and asking them to give you approval for who you are. Now, unless that

  • Senior Manager or Director or Boss, whoever they are is

  • someone who is wrapped up in his or her ego

  • And they love going on power trips unless they're that person for the most part

  • they're gonna feel a little uncomfortable if you treat them that way and

  • They are going to see you the way that you see yourself because you're lowering yourself in front of them

  • They're gonna look down on you. Are they not human too?

  • Are they not of the same essence that you and I are? They are human too.

  • Just because that they're at a higher level in their career doesn't necessarily mean that you have to

  • lower yourself in front of them, seek their approval and

  • show a certain side of you

  • That is not authentic to who you are. So if I'm telling you to not seek their approval

  • what do I actually mean? I mean you need to approve of yourself first.

  • You need to know your value and what your worth is. What you have to remember is this:

  • people will see you the way that you see yourself.

  • So you need to turn the lens around and instead of looking at how other people react to you

  • And how they view you you need to first ask yourself. How do I view myself?

  • because if you can embody the

  • valuable, worthy, confident person that you are, the professional that you are, knowing that you're hardworking, knowing that you're smart, knowing that you're capable,

  • knowing that any company would be happy to have you in the role that you're doing

  • because you know you've been able to do well if you can start to embody all of that and believe that within yourself then that's

  • going to

  • present a different energy

  • To these higher up individuals or even to just your colleagues and as you see yourself in a more valuable

  • Worthy from a more valuable worthy point of view they're gonna see that of you as well. Question #2:

  • "Why do I feel less or smaller than these people in their presence?" Now,

  • This is very similar to what we talked about in question number one, but this is really about knowing yourself

  • So let's take it to the next level and dive deeper into this. If you find yourself struggling to develop strong

  • bonds with people around you, in your workplace, your co-workers, your

  • bosses and whatnot... you really have to ask yourself. What is causing me to feel

  • smaller than them? Where did that come from?

  • That's the real key. The reason why it's important to ask yourself the source

  • where the source of this truly came from is is because as soon as you can identify?

  • Where it originated from this feeling of feeling not good enough feeling small is

  • When you can fully understand yourself, and you can fully understand how you came to

  • Feel the way that you feel about yourself and once you understand it you bring awareness to it

  • What ends up happening is you end up detaching from it it ends up. Just oh I get it now

  • That's why I feel this way. Oh well

  • I don't have to hold on that hold on to that any longer

  • And I can let that go. So if you can start to take yourself down to that deep level and say where did this start?

  • It could have been from your upbringing

  • Actually the likelihood is that it came from your upbringing

  • Where perhaps your parents, your family situation,

  • you were raised in a way where you were taught that you had to lower yourself in front of

  • "older wiser people" and

  • You had to assume that you just didn't know as much and if that was the case

  • You really need to make sure that

  • That was something that happened to you when you were younger that happened to you back then

  • But it doesn't have to be something that you carry forward with you now as an adult.

  • It could have just been an experience that you dealt with but now it's time to

  • Recognize it for what it is, where it came from,

  • understand it fully and then fully let it go. And the great thing about going through this

  • self-reflection deep-dive process of understanding where the source of these feelings come from is

  • That it doesn't have to take years... it can be instantaneous as long as you're willing to put in the effort to dig deep so

  • Reflect on this and once you are able to find the answer to where the source of your feelings come from, you're able to

  • understand yourself better you're able to detach from it let it go and

  • you're able to appreciate the lesson that it's taught you about yourself and

  • Then from there you're going to be able to move forward in your career with a more positive outlook and with greater levels of confidence.

  • Question #3:

  • "Do I know

  • how to truly be myself and

  • express who I really am?" After you've gone through questions 1 & 2 you'll probably get to a point where you're gonna say now:

  • so what? now what? how do I act in front of others? How do I present myself? How do I express who I am?

  • Who am I? and the answer is you don't present... you don't act...

  • You're just simply there.

  • You're just simply you. You connect. You connect with the people that are around you in a genuine way without

  • looking to them for approval, without looking to them

  • to determine who you are. You are instead determining who you are first

  • Knowing who you are from the inside first and portraying that outwards

  • Not looking to the world for feedback about who you are and what makes you special and then

  • Swallowing and taking that in. That's the reverse way of living, so to be a truly authentic genuine leader

  • It's about living from the inside out. It's about understanding who you are

  • truthfully from the inside understanding all your nuances and then being able to connect with another

  • human being in a genuine way

  • Because the more you understand yourself like I said the more you can understand the other person and the wonderful thing about this is

  • You're gonna start feeling less fearful and worried about what others think of you because you realize that actually

  • They're also going through the same

  • struggles as you that they are also looking to the world looking to others to determine their worth their value and

  • You can see it in them because you've already recognized it in yourself

  • And so when you can understand another person you start to feel less fearful about what they'll think of you what they're

  • What you start worrying less about?

  • Other people's thoughts because it has no value at the end of the day people are wrapped up in their own issues anyway

  • So as long as you can clear your own issues then you can move into the world with more confidence

  • And if you see someone or interact with a co-worker who is dealing with their own issues you can just be present,

  • observe, assist them if you can, give them advice if you need to,

  • help them along the way, guide them and interact with them in a way that they're going to feel comforted.

  • And you're not doing anything above and beyond who you already are if you don't feel like doing that you don't

  • have to, but it's just gonna be you

  • interacting with the world, with people in a completely different way and

  • That's what's going to generate your leadership abilities

  • You know your ability to connect with others, your ability to understand others is what's going to allow you to?

  • Feel like a genuine leader, and then once you feel like a genuine leader people are going to feel that you are as well.

  • So there you have it my three questions on how you can overcome

  • social anxiety at work and so that you can become the true leader that you're meant to be.

  • Now if you're someone who is in your current job,

  • you're not happy there because you realize there is limited growth potential for you, and you're wanting to find the next opportunity

  • But you've been looking for several months

  • And it just has not been working and you realize that you need to learn how to sell yourself more

  • Effectively then feel free to head on over to my website lindaraynier.com/standoutgethired

  • That's my 1-on-1 coaching program where I work with professionals

  • Who are looking to land their dream job offers and I help them along that way

  • Along the way and along the process so if this is something that you're interested in then fill out the application form if and

  • if I feel that you're a fit,

  • I will reach out to you. [Music queue] If you like this video then please give it a thumbs up subscribe share it with your friends

  • Thank you so much for watching, and I will see you next time.

Hey Ambitious Professionals, it's Linda Raynier of Lindaraynier.com guiding you to a career and life you'll truly enjoy. Now in today's video

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How to Overcome Anxiety (at Work)

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    Summer posted on 2020/08/26
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