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  • To being single forever and ever.

  • And ever.

  • What video is this?

  • [Drunk single people review - Valentine's day gifts]

  • Today, we're reviewing Valentine's Day gifts, and we are not qualified to do so.

  • I am, as the people say, alone but not lonely.

  • I am alone and a little bit lonely sometimes.

  • I'm just ready to cry.

  • This got so sad.

  • We are an objective party, here to tell you how dumb your gifts are to each other.

  • Oh, a dozen long-stem roses.

  • - Flowers always smell nice. - They do smell good.

  • But also kind of smell like a funeral home.

  • Don't⏤what are you doing, Kelsey?

  • I was gonna do "she loves me, she loves me not".

  • If you just give me some flowers, that's enough.

  • She loves me, she loves me not...

  • You went, you got the flowers.

  • You thought of me.

  • - That's really sweet. - You bought them.

  • She louh... oh.

  • It went in my wine.

  • Just in general, send your friend flowers, why not?

  • I'm gonna drunk send all of my friends flowers.

  • - She loves me not... - I'm on the edge of my seat.

  • She loves me.

  • [beep] Surprise!

  • Wow, Wow.

  • - Surprise, surprise. - Wow, Wow.

  • If she brought me wine and flowers, I'm probably gonna give it up.

  • Oh, I see chocolate.

  • It has a fucking cat on it.

  • Thanks, but you don't love me.

  • Yes, it's going straight to my hips.

  • The one thing I don't like about these chocolates is that you don't know what you're getting.

  • And then, I try it and I'm like...

  • This gift tells me, ohhh kind of forgot that I had to do something for Valentine's Day so I'm going to get this.

  • This is more acceptable for me in milkshake form or milk form.

  • If you got me chocolate milk for Valentine's Day, that would be awesome.

  • This would be a no for me dawg.

  • That being said, I'm gonna have another.

  • Yeah I'm hungry.

  • Actually, this is all delicious, you know what, I take it back.

  • This is a f**king dope gift.

  • If you gave me this, I would laugh a lot.

  • And I would wear these with you as a joke one time and then we would never use them again.

  • With four leg holes?

  • This is hilarious.

  • We're going to try it on?

  • This is happening.

  • This is incredible.

  • No!

  • This is not sexy.

  • Two people can't comfortably fit in this.

  • A boner, a nice ass and two human bodies can not comfortably fit in here.

  • - Where do you put your hands? - I can't, I can not put my hands.

  • - How does it look? Let's give it a twirl. - There's no way to not be sexy with this.

  • Ohh, yeah.

  • Zach, no wonder we're single.

  • I know.

  • - Look at the dumb shit that we do. - I know.

  • Joke gifts would be awesome.

  • If my girlfriend got me a joke gift, I'd love it.

  • Now I'm like a baby joey.

  • I'm like a baby kangaroo.

  • It starts off silly.

  • But if I was going to have sex with Zach right now, I'd be having the most fun sex I could have.

  • That's the most action I've gotten all year.

  • Same.

  • [Nicholas Sparks 4-Pack]

  • Love this movie.

  • The Notebook?

  • Yes.

  • The Notebook is great, but you don't do a four pack.

  • I'm sorry but who has a DVD player any more?

  • This isn't for Valentine's Day.

  • This is for single people.

  • This is for us.

  • This is what we should watch.

  • He built her a house.

  • And yet some people still don't watch my Instagram stories.

  • Maybe we just don't like movies that much.

  • No, I like movies, but you gonna take me to a movie and not get me a movie.

  • This is a threat.

  • This is like if you break up with me, you'll never have this.

  • These are all sad stories.

  • You know what I would love, Space Jam.

  • Would you just stay with me?

  • Stay with you?

  • What for?

  • Look at us, we're already fighting.

  • Well, that's what we do.

  • We fight!

  • You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass.

  • - Because I want you. - All of you.

  • Forever you and me, all the days.

  • - Go, I lost you once. - No, don't go

  • - I think I can do it again. - No, you can't, you know you can't.

  • - If that's what you really wanted. - You know you can't, you won't do it.

  • F**k you Ryan Gosling.

  • I'm gonna cry.

  • Nicholas Sparks might be the reason I'm alone.

  • [Wedding ring]

  • The cynic in me says "ah, cheesy", but then the romantic in me is like "f**k yeah, Valentine's Day proposal."

  • I would just be like, bitch ...

  • You don't propose on Valentine's Day.

  • You don't propose on Christmas.

  • And you don't propose on my or yours birthday.

  • - Why not? - Those are staple holidays that belong to Jesus Christ, Cupid, me and you and not in that order.

  • Will you make me the happiest man in the world?

  • Yes! Yes! Yes! A million times yes!

  • Boo, wait, is it the right or the left?

  • It's this one.

  • I like diamonds.

  • Jewelry's good.

  • I'd say again.

  • Customize it to the person.

  • Subscribe something on it, inscribe.

  • [Final Thoughts]

  • I still like the idea of Valentine's Day.

  • I hate that none of these things are gonna be for me.

  • Just some like love man.

  • I'm happy for people who are in love.

  • And I'm happy for myself because I love myself.

  • Damn straight.

  • Do whatever you want, I don't know.

  • Why are you asking us?

  • We don't know anything, that's why we're here.

  • Yeah, we're the worst people to ask this.

  • It's all about what's your intention and showing that you really care.

  • And wear a condom.

  • Oh God, you don't want kids yet.

  • You're not ready.

  • You're not ready.

  • Will you be my back-up Valentine?

  • I'd be an honor.

  • You're drunk now?

To being single forever and ever.

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