B1 Intermediate 2 Folder Collection
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-Hey. My name is Jay Jurden,
and I recently went to the doctor.
I was diagnosed with a very rare but a very treatable condition.
I have what's known as black best-friend face.
[ Laughter ]
You see it? [ Laughter ]
I just look like every black best friend in TV shows,
movies, college campus brochures.
[ Laughter and applause ]
That's me.
[ Cheers ]
I'm just happy and nappy next to the science building.
Doing my best to learn about these electrons.
[ Laughter ]
Stop laughing. We need more of us in STEM
with this face. And with this personality.
I'm also an actor, and as an actor,
my job is very easy, because whenever I audition,
my lines are just variations of, "Man, that's crazy"...
[ Laughter ]
..."Yo, my mama would never let me do that,
but you need to get out there and dance"...
[ Laughter ]
..."Excuse me, but what the hell...is a scone?"
And -- [ Laughter ]
For the record, I know what a scone is.
I love scones.
People say, "Jay, you want to become a famous actor?
Move out to Los Angeles? Start dating white women?"
And to those people, I say, "Women? Hoo!
You must think I'm a really good actor."
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
I like making people smile.
There's so many beautiful smiles out there,
including, but not limited to, my own.
Yes. Natural smile, never had braces.
That's right. He did this.
I'm talking about the big orthodontist in the sky.
It's as if God said, "Your teeth will be straight,
but you won't."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Speaking of religion, my Dad's side of the family is Catholic.
That's right -- black Catholics do exist.
We say "Hail Mary J. Blige."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Full of grace in this dancerie."
[ Laughter ]
Now, I'm not straight, but I do like straight people.
In fact, straight people, make some noise!
That's enough.
[ Laughter ]
We can't take y'all nowhere.
I did something kind of drastic this past fall
to connect with my straight homeboys.
I joined a fantasy football league.
[ Cheers ]
Yeah, I thought it was something completely different.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
My friend said -- My friend said,
"Jay, you want to play fantasy football?"
I said, "Yes. What is it?"
He said, "It's me, you, six other dudes --"
I said, "Stop right there."
[ Laughter ]
"I already said yes." [ Laughter ]
No need to sweeten the deal.
[ Laughter ]
Turns out I was mistaken.
As you guys all know, fantasy football is just
book club for straight dudes. [ Laughter ]
It's just a safe space where they can go to gossip
and talk about their feelings, and that's okay.
See? When gay men gossip, we're called catty.
When straight men gossip, it's called a podcast.
[ Laughter ]
I know what you guys are thinking.
"Wow, a lot of gay stuff," and you're right.
The reason I do this -- [ Laughter ]
The reason I do this is because I still have to deal
with bigotry and homophobia even in 2019.
I'm doing a show a few months ago in New York City.
I get on stage, say some of my jokes,
a guy in the front row gets up, grumbles,
"I didn't know there was gonna be a gay guy here."
Left the show.
And in my head, I'm thinking, "Sir, what are you doing?
This is New York City.
There are definitely more outside."
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
You need to stick with the evil you know.
[ Laughter ]
I'm originally from Mississippi.
I went Mississippi, Alabama, New York,
which is just the Underground Railroad.
[ Laughter ]
The original subway. And now I live
with my boyfriend, and I love him so much.
He really is the best health-insurance provider
I could find.
[ Laughter and applause ]
My co-pay is just kisses.
[ Laughter ]
Don't ask about my deductible. That's personal.
[ Laughter ]
We live in a neighbor that I would describe
the same way many of you will describe me after the show.
My neighborhood is urban but safe.
[ Laughter ]
This older gentleman, who's lived there for years,
he noticed that the neighborhood was changing,
and he saw me going into my building with my scones,
and he said "Ay, young blood. Neighborhood's changed."
And I said, "Yeah, homie. For the better."
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
Thank you so much.
I'm Jay Jurden. This has been a dream come true.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-How you doing, buddy? That's how you do it.
Jay Jurden!
For more info, visit jayjurden.com.
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Jay Jurden Stand-Up

2 Folder Collection
林宜悉 published on July 3, 2020
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