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  • -How it works is you're going to hit this button here,

  • which really works.

  • It activates the opinion topic generator.

  • It will land on a random topic that relates to

  • this time of year.

  • Whatever it is, you have to give your opinion on it.

  • -Knee jerk? -Yep. First thing.

  • Doesn't have to be prepared. Nothing.

  • You ready? -Okay. Yep.

  • -Go ahead.

  • [ Musical beeping plays ]

  • -Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. -Oh. You know what?

  • This is what pisses me off about that.

  • No, but for real, okay so they're mean to him

  • and there's a foggy night.

  • I guess this is the first time it's ever happened.

  • And so Santa puts him in front, I'm assuming,

  • and he lights the way.

  • And then they go, "then all the reindeer loved him,

  • and they shouted out with glee, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,

  • you'll go down in history."

  • First off, you don't just erase the abuse.

  • And secondly, "you'll go down in history,"

  • That's a claim. And fame and love, I hate to say it,

  • but fame is not love. They are very different things.

  • I have done a lot of work to get to that conclusion.

  • And I hope Rudolph sees a therapist.

  • [ Bell dings ] -That's unbelievable.

  • [ Cheers and applause ] -I never thought about that.

  • That is fantastic.

  • -I've never thought about it either.

  • -That's so good. That's the whole point of the game.

  • Let's give it another go over here.

  • -Okay. All right.

  • [ Musical beeping plays ]

  • -Mistletoe. If any decoration needs to be me too'd,

  • the mistletoe -- this is the most -- who the hell?

  • Like, in what world -- like walking through a doorway

  • with another person weird enough.

  • I don't need this perverted garnish over the door.

  • I don't want to see it. I don't want to hear about it.

  • -Oh, my God. I've never -- That's fantastic.

  • I've never heard you raise your voice.

  • -It's an upsetting garnish. -It's an upsetting, yeah.

  • Let's do another one. -Okay. All right.

  • [ Musical beeping plays ]

  • -Fingerless gloves. -Okay.

  • They seem to be favored by crooks in movies.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Now, I'm no forensic scientist, but I would imagine

  • that it's exactly these parts of the hand that you want to

  • cover up if you're a crook. -There you go.

  • Listen up, crooks. -Alright.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -I want to do this all night. We only have time for one more.

  • -I love my own thoughts. [ Laughter ]

  • -John, you have one more. -Okay, go.

  • -Thank you very much. Here we go.

  • -yeah.

  • [ Musical beeping plays ]

  • -The 2010s. 2010s. -Oh, they're ending.

  • -They are, the decade is over. -Ooh!

  • [ Audience groans ] -That's right.

  • -Well, what a decade.

  • Here's how I'd sum up the 2010s.

  • I was going through the airport and there was a guy

  • and he was traveling and there was a woman from TSA.

  • And they were screaming at each other.

  • And she said, "I wouldn't disrespect you,

  • if you hadn't disrespected me in the first place."

  • And that is the 2010s. [ Laughter ]

  • We're trying to figure out who disrespected who

  • in the first place and we're both screaming at each other

  • and everyone is just trying to get on their Southwest flight.

  • -That's fantastic.

  • That is John Mulaney right there.

-How it works is you're going to hit this button here,

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B1 TheTonightShow beeping reindeer musical rudolph garnish

Wheel of Opinions with John Mulaney

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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