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  • First, I want to talk about something.

  • And that something is not talking about something.

  • We're in the thick of the holiday season.

  • We all know the holidays are a tense time.

  • People are stressed out.

  • There's different personalities.

  • Sometimes, the only thing we have in common with our family

  • is the last name and heartburn.

  • But I'm here to help.

  • I've come up with a list of safe subjects

  • to talk about with your family this holiday season.

  • All right?

  • Guaranteed non-offensive, non-political, non-exciting

  • topics of conversation.

  • Plants, who can be offended by a plant?

  • Plants are beautiful to look at.

  • They give us oxygen. They get you high.

  • Actually, that could be a problem.

  • Because your Grandma Lulu doesn't think the wacky tobaccy

  • should be legal.

  • She can suck down the peppermint schnapps, but no, don't--

  • no smoking.

  • So, all right, here's a safer subject-- home decor.

  • I can talk about home decor all day long.

  • I love it.

  • Look around a room and find something

  • to talk about that you can compliment.

  • You know, a piece of furniture, or a piece of art,

  • or wallpaper.

  • You know what?

  • Don't say, "wallpaper" because then Uncle Harry hears "wall"

  • and he's off to the racist.

  • I mean races.

  • Definitely don't mention races, because that'll bring up

  • Aunt Susan's gambling problem.

  • So forget that.

  • All right.

  • Talk about-- you know what?

  • Food.

  • People love to talk about food, especially dessert.

  • People love dessert.

  • And there's always a pie around.

  • All kinds of pies.

  • There's pecan pie, apple pie, peach pie.

  • Don't say, "peach."

  • No.

  • Because that sounds like "impeachment."

  • And now Cousin Adam is mad.

  • All right.

  • Weather, you can really-- that's--

  • you can talk about the weather.

  • You say, you know--

  • because that's boring, really.

  • You just go, hey, how about the weather?

  • You know?

  • Or, what a beautiful day.

  • Or, you know, it's chilly.

  • It sure is cold outside because this time of year

  • the climate is changing.

  • Don't say, "climate change."

  • Here's what we should do.

  • We should gather around, everybody

  • around the television, watch my show.

  • That's what you do.

  • [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah.

First, I want to talk about something.

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B1 TheEllenShow pie wallpaper decor holiday season peach

Safe Conversation Topics to Talk About During the Holidays

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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