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Ever wonder why some couples make it, and others don't?
Scientist Dr. John Gottman did.
He spent 40 years studying thousands of couples to find out exactly what separates
the relationship masters from the relationship disasters.
Shakespeare compared love to a rose.
Gottman uses a different metaphor:
an emotional bank account.
You know how a regular bank account works.
So what's an emotional bank account?
It represents the positive and negative balance in your relationship.
The best couples maintain a high balance.
Couples that break up are often in the red.
You make deposits through positive interactions, and you withdraw through negative ones.
What does a deposit look like?
It's a simple act of showing your partner that you care for and support them.
It's as easy as sending your partner a good luck text before a meeting or cooking them
dinner after a long day.
And pay attention when your partner shows you their admiration and support,
notice when they're investing in your relationship.
A withdrawal is either hurtful behavior toward your partner, or ignoring their invitations
to connect.
But withdrawals and deposits don't have equal weight!
In fact, Gottman found it takes five positive interactions to make up for one negative one.
Happy couples maintain AT LEAST this 5:1 ratio.
If you make constant deposits and keep your balance high,
you're saving up for a rainy day
when you'll need to cash in on that goodwill.
Gottman notes that small daily deposits,
like asking your partner how their day was,
is far more important than the occasional over-the-top romantic gesture.
Positivity leads to more positivity.
This is not about keeping score.
It's about investing in your relationship, and your shared emotional bank account,
moving from “Me-ness” to “We-ness.”
So keep your balance high by doing nice things every day and recognizing when your partner
does them for you.
You'll build up that emotional bank account in no time!
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Invest in Your Relationship: The Emotional Bank Account | The Gottman Institute

14 Folder Collection
Mahiro Kitauchi published on June 15, 2020
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