Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • Ellen DeGeneres has been getting a lot

  • of hate on the internet recently this

  • video isn't meant to be a commentary on

  • her one way or the other

  • but after seeing those hate videos we

  • thought you'd like to know the common

  • types of jokes that make people dislike

  • you and some of the jokes you can make

  • instead that will make people like you

  • the first type of joke that will make

  • someone dislike you is sharing their

  • sensitive information to get a laugh for

  • example watch Taylor Swift's reaction

  • after Ellen tries to get her to say who

  • the song we are never ever getting back

  • together is about now not everyone is

  • uncomfortable talking about their exes

  • so this isn't immediately a bad idea for

  • a gag but Taylor is obviously

  • uncomfortable with it

  • despite this Ellen plows ahead to try to

  • get a laugh in the scenario it's pretty

  • obvious early on that Taylor wants Ellen

  • to stop but normally you won't get such

  • clear feedback so there are two signs of

  • discomfort you should look out for if

  • you're going to make jokes about

  • potentially sensitive areas of someone

  • else's life if you see these signs it's

  • time to pull back and pivot topics the

  • first sign you want to look for is

  • verbal hesitation check out this clip of

  • ariana grande and notice how she

  • repeatedly cuts herself off mid-sentence

  • the second sign is that Arianna shows

  • shrinking and self-soothing body

  • language first hugging herself then

  • covering and touching various parts of

  • her face body language like that is a

  • clear cue to pull back and pivot to a

  • different topic but instead Ellen plows

  • ahead so she can tell her joke and while

  • the audience laughs notice Arianna does

  • not you know I'm his homey and now he's

  • living in your homey

  • [Applause]

  • there's that right it seems like Ellen

  • wanted to tell that joke no matter how

  • ariana reacted and maybe as a talk-show

  • host that's okay but in your life if you

  • plow through these signs of discomfort

  • you'll end up hurting your relationship

  • with the person you're talking about

  • even if you get a laugh from other

  • people in this next clip take note of

  • Cara Delevingne self soothing body

  • language as the Graham Norton starts to

  • share a potentially sensitive sex story

  • of hers I think your embarrassment that

  • shows quite high why clearly Graham

  • thinks this is a funny story and wants

  • to share it with the audience and maybe

  • he thinks that since Keira shared it

  • with him she won't mind him telling it

  • and that's all good there's no harm in

  • bringing it up but when you see these

  • early signs of discomfort in your own

  • life like breaking eye contact and

  • self-soothing neck or face touches

  • that's your cue to change topics don't

  • continue to force the issue like Graham

  • does if you notice someone nervously

  • touching their face or suddenly closing

  • off their body take it upon yourself to

  • stop and redirect the conversation one

  • great way to do this is to turn the joke

  • back on yourself for example watch this

  • awkward clip of Ellen trying to out

  • Mariah Carey as pregnant by showing she

  • won't drink alcohol

  • [Applause]

  • ask you if you're pregnant

  • right then if Ellen had realized Mariah

  • wasn't comfortable sharing and said

  • something like oh you don't want to

  • drink great that means to for me it

  • would have gotten the laugh she wanted

  • from the audience plus a laugh from

  • Mariah and then she could have segwayed

  • into Mariah's upcoming album Mariah

  • would have appreciated Ellen in that

  • moment for taking the pressure off of

  • her and inviting her to talk about

  • something she actually wants to discuss

  • when telling jokes you should aim to

  • make the other person feel good any

  • negative emotion the experience will be

  • linked back to you

  • this is the second mistake people

  • sometimes make making jokes designed to

  • make the other person feel guilty for

  • example in this clip you'll see Ellen

  • attempt to jokingly make Dakota Johnson

  • feel guilty for not inviting her to a

  • party it does not go over well how was

  • the party I wasn't invited actually no

  • that's not the truth Ellen you were

  • invited nice to know last time I was on

  • the show last year he gave me a bunch

  • about not inviting you but I didn't even

  • know you wanted to be invited to a party

  • why I didn't even know you liked me this

  • is a surprisingly common joke that most

  • people make when they're hurt or don't

  • know how to communicate their

  • frustration but ironically all you do

  • with this joke is make the person want

  • to spend less time with you than they

  • already do Ellen continues the joke

  • after Dakota Johnson's co-star Zack

  • mentions how great of a friend Dakota is

  • from Dakota's expression you can see

  • she's not enjoying this style of humor

  • she's not a good friend of mine but

  • she's a good friend

  • to you and that's what matters for

  • another example here's Jimmy Fallon

  • trying the same joke with Robert Downey

  • jr. crazy blowout from what I read I

  • guess my invitation lost in the mill

  • it's fine obvi but you know I you know

  • where I am pretty much every nevas know

  • that you you can tell from Roberts face

  • he does not love the joke and instead of

  • responding with something apologetic he

  • fires back with a burn you had a lot of

  • people there pray over 30 people over

  • there brother yeah thing about yeah you

  • weren't invited these jokes often become

  • habits which is why you want to be

  • careful you say them unthinkingly and

  • then they backfire if you catch yourself

  • making jokes like this your best bet is

  • to change them out for jokes that make

  • the other person feel good the examples

  • in this video aren't the norm for Ellen

  • she's actually quite good at making

  • jokes that pretend to be teasing but are

  • really meant to elevate the other person

  • like here with Amy Adams you're an

  • amazing actress you're not not one but

  • two nominated films tonight you were in

  • that's just

  • that is so what is the word for it

  • selfish I guess if you want help

  • learning how to build this positive

  • habit you can check out our other video

  • on Ellen which will link to in the

  • description that said not every joke has

  • to be a compliment in order to be

  • well-received there's nothing inherently

  • wrong with teasing in fact this is how

  • some of the closest friends interact

  • with each other but one situation that

  • will often get you in trouble is when

  • you're teasing someone of lower status

  • than you for a solid example of how

  • social status affects the reception of

  • your jokes check out these two clips the

  • first clip is Jimmy Kimmel a famous TV

  • show host poking fun at markiplier and

  • mrs. May two youtubers who he doesn't

  • know very well and who are by contrast

  • less famous than him markiplier in

  • particular doesn't seem to like it you

  • guys should try being around other

  • humans

  • [Applause]

  • it's likely markiplier felt Jimmy was

  • coming from a mean place and mocking him

  • contrast that with this clip of Sofia

  • Vergara effectively making the same joke

  • saying her husband has a nerdy

  • personality I've heard you accuse him of

  • being a nerd in what way is hold on what

  • way is that

  • hey nerd he's inside of him he was just

  • put in the wrong body I tell him you're

  • in you're trapped in the wrong body

  • Sofia can get away with calling her

  • husband a nerd because they have a close

  • relationship and because Jo is an

  • incredibly handsome movie star so he's

  • very unlikely to feel sensitive about

  • this or take offense and as overkill she

  • even makes sure to compliment him each

  • time before calling him a nerd that's a

  • great way to tease someone and still

  • make them feel good so feel free to

  • tease people you're close to especially

  • about things they're unlikely to be

  • sensitive about but be aware that those

  • exact same jokes can come off as hurtful

  • or mocking if you direct them to people

  • who you don't know well who aren't as

  • high on the social totem pole like lower

  • classmen at school or people below you

  • on the org chart at work and especially

  • avoid teasing those people about

  • something they care about if you follow

  • this advice you'll avoid alienating

  • people with these common types of jokes

  • but unfortunately there's no guarantee

  • that everyone will like you especially

  • if you plan to live a life where you

  • take risks and try to be exceptional

  • you're going to acquire haters and

  • doubters along the way that's why we

  • created a program designed to help you

  • develop deep and authentic confidence

  • it's a 30-day program that will give you

  • emotional mastery so that even if you

  • say the wrong thing in conversation make

  • a mistake at work or don't have things

  • go the way you planned you're able to

  • pick yourself up with confidence and

  • continue to feel great about yourself

  • no self-doubt no beating yourself up the

  • way this works is by focusing first and

  • foremost on your relationship with

  • yourself

  • this means exercises that put an end to

  • those moments where you're controlled by

  • fear of rejection failure or conflict a

  • very common outcome is that members

  • realize they deeply want to share what

  • they've learned and help other people on

  • their own personal development journeys

  • so we've added a bonus section that is a

  • crash course in starting a YouTube

  • channel it's one we made at the very

  • beginning of our channel when we had

  • about 20,000 subscribers so it's a very

  • tactical explanation of how to build

  • from zero now this is only the third

  • time we've spoken about emotional master

  • on the YouTube channel in the past we

  • only offered it to people who had joined

  • our email list or charisma university

  • program and that means there's no page

  • explaining the course just a checkout

  • page so if you're intrigued and want to

  • know more the best thing to do is check

  • out the course directly with the link

  • below you can do that knowing that it

  • comes with a 60 day money back guarantee

  • there's nothing you need to do no

  • worksheets to fill out to get the refund

  • you just go to billing and refund and

  • you'll get every penny back but I do

  • hope you try it because it addresses how