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  • The attachment theory argues that a strong emotional and physical bond to one primary caregiver in our first years of life is critical to our development.

  • If our bonding is strong and we are securely attached, then we feel safe to explore the world.

  • We know that there is always that safe base, which we can return to anytime.

  • If our bond is weak, we feel insecurely attached.

  • We are afraid to leave or explore a rather scary-looking world because we are not sure if we can return.

  • People who are securely attached are said to have greater trust, can connect to others, and, as a result, are more successful in life.

  • Insecurely attached people tend to mistrust others, lack social skills, and have problems forming relationships.

  • There is one type of secure attachment, and there are three types of insecure attachments:

  • Anxious/ambivalent, anxious/avoidant, and anxious/disorganized.

  • In responses to distress, the first three react organized, while the last acts disorganized.

  • To understand the theory better, let's look at Mr. and Mrs. Smith, who have four children, Luka, Ann, Joe, and Amy.

  • The Smiths are lovely parents who cuddle, make frequent eye contact, speak warmly, and are always there for their kids.

  • But one day Mr Smith falls very sick and dies.

  • For Mrs Smith, life now becomes very difficult.

  • She spends all day working, while at the same time trying to care for her childrenan impossible task.

  • At six years of age, Luka's brain is, for the most part, developed, his character strong and his worldview shaped.

  • The new situation does not affect him much.

  • He knows there is still always mum, his safe haven.

  • He feels securely attached.

  • Later, he turns into a trusting and optimistic young man.

  • His self image is positive.

  • Ann, who is three, has problems coping with the new lack of attention.

  • To Ann, her mother now acts unpredictably.

  • She is anxious about their relationship, and, as a result, becomes clingy.

  • To get her mum's attention, she has to raise her emotional state and scream.

  • When her mum finally reacts with a predictable response, she herself acts ambivalent and doesn't show her true feelings.

  • Later in life, others think Ann is unpredictable or moody.

  • Her self image is less positive.

  • Her attachment style is anxious/ambivalent.

  • Two-year-old Joe, spends his days with his uncle who loves him but thinks that a good education means being strict.

  • If little Joe shows too much emotion or is too loud, his uncle gets angry and sometimes punitive.

  • This scares Joe.

  • He learns that, to avoid fear, he has to avoid showing his feelingsalso in other situations.

  • As an adult, he continues this strategy and has problems entering relationships.

  • His image of himself is rather negative.

  • His attachment is anxious/avoidant.

  • Amy, who is just one year old, gets sent to a nursery.

  • The staff there is poorly trained, overworked, and often very stressed.

  • Some are outright abusive.

  • Amy, therefore, becomes anxious of the very people she seeks security from,

  • a conflict which totally disorganizes her ideas about love and safety.

  • As she is experiencing fear without resolution, she tries to avoid all social situations.

  • As an adult, she thinks of herself as unworthy of love.

  • Her self image is very negative.

  • Her attachment is anxious/disorganized.

  • Our attachment is formed in the very first years of our lives, a time when we are too young to communicate our anxiety, and, as a result, can experience high levels of stress.

  • Then, our adrenal gland, an organ sitting on top of our kidneys, produces the stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol.

  • The heart rate increases, the blood pressure goes up, and we become alert.

  • If that happens frequently, it is called "toxic stress".

  • Toxic, because it impairs the development of a child's brain and weakens the immune system.

  • In embryos or at a very young age, toxic stress can even switch the expressions of genes, which can affect our health many decades later.

  • By simulating a Strange Situation, we can assess an attachment style, already by the age of 1.

  • To do this, we let the child play with their mothers for a few minutes inside a room.

  • Then the child is left alone.

  • The key moment is the child's reaction when her mother returns.

  • Securely attached children first usually hug their mother...

  • Then can calm down and eventually get back to playing.

  • Insecurely attached children can be ambivalent and avoidant.

  • Some can't stop crying or refuse to continue playing.

  • The long term effects of our attachment in the early years, are well documented.

  • Using the theory, researchers at Minnesota University were able to predict already at age 3, if a child would dropout of high school with 77 percent accuracy.

  • In another study, undergraduates at Harvard were asked to assess how close they felt to their parents.

  • 35 years later, they were ask about their health.

  • 91% of those who said they had a rather broken relationship with their mother, were also diagnosed with health issues, including coronary artery disease, hypertension, and alcoholism.

  • For those that had reported a warm relationship, the figure of poor health diagnosis was just 45%.

  • But there is another reason why the early years deserve special attention.

  • They are the starting place for subsequent behaviors.

  • A kid that feels securely attached at age 2, can make friends at kindergarten.

  • Their worldview gets reinforced with every interaction and they develop optimism.

  • As a result they make good relationships at school, then at college, and later at work.

  • Highly insecurely attached children can miss out on this opportunity.

  • Psychologist John Bowlby, a pioneer in attachment theory, allegedly said...

  • "What cannot be communicated to the mother, cannot be communicated to the self.".

  • In other words: those who feel insecurely attached, might not quite understand themselves.

  • To get to know who they are and what they feel, they might have to go way back in time.

The attachment theory argues that a strong emotional and physical bond to one primary caregiver in our first years of life is critical to our development.

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