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  • Dear Mom, these are the flowers I would have bought you and this is the card I would have written you.

  • I've spent most of my life trying to fill in the blanks.

  • Asking everyone around me about you.

  • The memories of you tucked away in a box in the attic.

  • I don't remember what your perfume smelled like, or what made you laugh, but I'll never forget lying in your hospital bed drawing pictures with you.

  • Your rebellious little six year old.

  • I'm writing this because I wanna tell you that you were so strong.

  • That I wish you didn't have to look at your daughter knowing that you'd never see her get taller, get heartbroken, get married.

  • I'm sorry that I always made you pick me up when you were so weak.

  • That I tripped over your IV pole.

  • The Christmas I complained that I didn't get what I wanted.

  • Being afraid of your wig.

  • I'm sorry for the fits I threw, the I love you moms I never got to say.

  • And I'm sorry that it's taken me 21 years to write this card, and it's still not perfect.

  • I'm writing this because I'd give anything just to be able to fight with you.

  • I never got to ignore your phone calls because you were too overbearing.

  • I never got to introduce you to girlfriends or boyfriends you say are bad for me, and I tell you that you don't understand, but months later I realize you were right.

  • I'm writing this because I'm angry that I have to live life only part way.

  • All the yearbook pictures I took without you to do my hair, the lunches I made myself.

  • I feel like I'm missing out on a huge part of being a woman because you're not here.

  • Like a part of me is in that coffin with you, holding onto your leg, while I scoot across the floor begging you not to go.

  • You were so beautiful.

  • It's insane to believe that anyone as beautiful as you ever existed on this earth.

  • I'm writing this because I wish you were here.

  • I wish you could see the woman that I've grown into.

  • I wish I knew which flowers you liked and that I could put them in your hands, rather than on a plot of grass with your name on it.

  • I'm writing this because I wanna say thank you.

  • No matter how sick you were all you wanted to do was make sure I felt loved.

  • Thank you for taking me to Disney World when you were in a wheelchair, letting me draw those pictures in your hospital bed.

  • Writing me letters like you knew I'd grow up to be who I am, making me feel like I was so special and so smart.

  • I feel like I'll always be that six year old with a mind of her own, that didn't take orders and doesn't wear dresses that's still waiting for her mom to wake up and tell her that everything is okay again.

  • I'm writing this because I'll never love anyone as much as I miss you.

  • Happy Mother's Day.

  • [Mom.]

Dear Mom, these are the flowers I would have bought you and this is the card I would have written you.

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A2 US BuzzFeed writing hospital bed mom hospital card

What I Wish I Could Have Told My Mom

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    Estelle posted on 2020/05/10
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