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  • What's up, party people? I'm Marie Forleo and for over 20 years I have been obsessed

  • with learning what it takes to turn dreams into reality. You know, I started my company

  • back in the day with no clue, no connections, no money, and over time grew it into something

  • spectacular. I created the award winning show MarieTV,

  • was named by Oprah as a thought leader for the next generation, and wrote the instant

  • number one New York Times bestseller Everything Is Figureoutable. I've helped millions of

  • people transform their businesses and lives, and guess what? Every week I'm going to help

  • you take action and make the difference you were born to make, but please do not expect

  • anything about this podcast to be traditional. We've got songs, weird sound effects, the

  • occasion F bombs, maybe some fart jokes, if you're lucky, and anything else that makes

  • me laugh. It's all fair game, because this is The Marie Forleo Podcast.

  • If you're finding it hard to feel inspired, or creative, or energized right now, guess

  • what? You are not alone. The emotional toll of this pandemic, man is it real, but there

  • are steps you can take to start feeling better. So, in this episode we're going to talk about

  • why it is vital to opt out of non-stop negative news and what to focus on instead. My case

  • today is backed up by a unique combination of brain science, Milli Vanilli, and good

  • old common sense. You're also going to hear from a special guest

  • who's an expert on the power of good news, Mr. Tank Sinatra. But first a word from today's

  • sponsor. I'm Marie Forleo and I quit writing boring

  • copy after I discovered nobody wants to read that shit. If you have problems writing in

  • a way that's true to your voice and helps convert browsers into buyers, The Copy Cure

  • may be right for you. Check with your health professional and after

  • she says she doesn't care about your writing skills, sign up for our free seven-day writing

  • class at the copycure.com. That's the copycure.com. All right, here we go, people. First of all,

  • thank you so much. We are loving the voicemails that y'all have been sending. If you have

  • no idea what the hell I'm talking about just Googleleave Marie Forleo a voicemail

  • and you will get the entire scoop. So, when we were listening to your voicemails

  • this week we noticed a recurring theme. There's a lot of people not feeling like themselves

  • these days, which makes a whole lot of sense given the fact we are in the midst of a global

  • pandemic. Right? Folks are feeling lethargic and unfocused,

  • and finding it harder and harder to just get things done. So, let's dive straight into

  • today's Hey Marie segment and talk about some steps we can all take to start feeling better

  • now. Hey Marie, this

  • is Susmitha from Bangalore, India and I love your podcast, and your book, and basically

  • everything about you. You are so freaking awesome and inspiring. Especially your energy.

  • My question for you is, during these times of uncertainty it's hard to feel very creative

  • or inspired or productive. So, even though technically we have more time

  • on our hands, it's not very easy to do stuff. Usually we get into the sense of blah. You

  • know? So, can you give me tips on how to get over that?

  • Susmitha, great question. You are not alone, my love, but more importantly these feelings

  • you're having are not your fault. In fact, outside of this global crisis there's another

  • more insidious reason you might be feeling especially blah and low energy these days.

  • And surprisingly Milli Vanilli has our answer. Seriously, though, right now most of us are

  • consuming a lot more news than usual. I mean, we're checking the headlines when we wake

  • up, maybe we're getting news alerts all day long, and then, let's be honest, we're probably

  • watching even more news at night. Make no mistake, there is a direct connection

  • between what you're watching, reading, and listening to all damn day, and how you feel.

  • Your energy levels, your mood, your ambition. Now, to understand how this all fits together,

  • let's look at the nature of both the news media and some simple neuroscience. For example,

  • did you know that there's a long standing adage in the news industry that goes like

  • this, "If it bleeds, it leads." I know it's a horrible statement, but it's

  • true. Now, what does it mean? It means that many newspapers, TV and cable networks use

  • fear and pain to hook our attention and keep us coming back for more.

  • So, that jolt of adrenaline and the negativity, as weird and strange as this is going to sound,

  • it can actually be addictive to our brains. Why is that? Because of something called negativity

  • bias. So, negativity bias is something I've talked

  • about many times before. It is the human tendency to pay more attention and give more weight

  • to negative experiences over positive or neutral ones.

  • This is not just some fancy pants psychological concept. This is real, people. Our brains

  • are literally wired to notice more of the bad stuff and pretty much ignore the good

  • stuff. It's evolutionary. We did, actually a whole MarieTV episode on

  • this if you just GoogleMarie Forleo negativity bias,” you will find it. So watching the

  • news isn't just addictive, though, it's also terrible for your health.

  • Non-stop negativity weakens your immune system. Right? Increases anxiety, and guess what?

  • Ding, ding, ding. It reduces your ambition. So, what's the fix? What do we do about it?

  • Two simple steps. Step number one. Reduce your traditional news

  • consumption. And I'm talking no more than one serving per a day. So, here's how this

  • looks in my life. Right now, I'm going to be honest, I am obsessed with watching New

  • York governor Andrew Cuomo and his daily briefings. I love this guy.

  • Every single night I literally get out my popcorn, I sit my ass down on the couch and

  • I watch his updates on YouTube. Why do I do that? Well, he delivers the facts with precision

  • and empathy. He puts the data first, and then he tells us his opinion last. And he always

  • separates fact from his opinion. He's got a whole new PowerPoint slide on it. I love

  • it. He also says cool things like this. Like,

  • "Before you open your mouth why don't you go look in the mirror." I love him. Anyway.

  • Every single time I watch, no matter how bad, or terrible, or painful the facts are, I actually

  • leave feeling informed, and energized, and hopeful. It's so weird. It's like taking a

  • Xanax in the middle of this pandemic, but then getting really inspired and wanting to

  • change the world. It's awesome. I think it's a reflection of his leadership

  • and his communication style, and honestly I appreciate both. Now, look, before anybody

  • wants to come for me on this podcast thinking that I'm suggesting that you ignore the news,

  • or look past the suffering of others, or pretend this all isn't happening, I need you to calm

  • down. I am not suggesting that any of us turn a

  • blind eye to anything negative, nor am I suggesting that we close our hearts and not be aware

  • of the suffering of others. Do you know me? Have you paid attention to my work for any

  • amount of time? If not, you need to get yourself educated,

  • because look, there is a distinction here. There is nuance. There is a limit to how much

  • negative news any human being should be taking in each and every day. So, yes, you got to

  • be aware of the facts, yes, you got to know what's happening so you can help, but no,

  • you should not be watching non-stop negative news all day long and then feeling like crap.

  • I believe we have to take our pain and our hurt, and turn it into hope. And in order

  • to do that you have to have the energy to take productive action. So, back to you, Susmitha.

  • I want you to find a local news source that actually gives you the facts, and leaves you

  • feeling strong. Limit your intake of the facts to maybe, I don't know, five to 10 minutes

  • max and then just be done for the day. And once you do that, we are going to move onto

  • step number two. Increase your good news consumption and use

  • what I call the five-to-one rule. My author friend Rick Hanson taught me this one. Our

  • brains are like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones. Again, that

  • is negativity bias at work. So, some studies have shown that in relationships

  • it actually takes five positive interactions to make up for a single negative one. And

  • I think we should apply this five-to-one rule to our consumption of negative news. Don't

  • you think? I think. So, here's how it's going to work. From this

  • moment forward each time you choose to consume one bit of traditional news, seek out five

  • pieces of good news to counterbalance it. That's right. So, for every little bit of

  • negativity you allow into that beautiful mind of yours go find five positive, or inspiring,

  • or funny, or hopeful things that are happening. And here's an example to get you started.

  • So, there's this woman, right? Who lives alone and is completely isolated during this pandemic.

  • She's got no spouse, no kids, no pets, no one to be in quarantine with.

  • So, instead of feeling sorry for herself, or letting fear or negativity take over, guess

  • what? She decided to use what she had in her kitchen to make a difference to others.

  • So, she cooked up this big old tray of eggplant parm and she posted an update on Nextdoor,

  • which is this app here in the states that helps neighbors stay connected to each other.

  • And she said, "Look, I just made a big tray of eggplant parm, if you're hungry, if you

  • don't have food right now come by my front porch and get it."

  • And so, she left these individually wrapped portions on her front porch so people could

  • just safely come and get something to eat. And it was such a hit that she's been making

  • meals for her community every few days. So, check it out. Right? Instead of watching

  • non-stop negative news all day long, or feeling bad, or sorry for herself, she decided to

  • do something productive instead. She's not only serving up eggplant parm, people, she

  • is serving up some good news too. I mean, don't you feel inspired by this? I

  • don't even feel inspired, I actually feel hungry. Anyway. If you're still not convinced

  • on the power of looking for good news, then I think you need to meet my next guest Mr.

  • Tank Sinatra. He's the founder of the popular website and

  • Instagram account @tanksgoodnews. So, Tank, thanks so much for joining me on The Marie

  • Forleo Podcast. Today we are talking about the power of good news, and I was like who

  • better to have on the show to talk about this with me than you?

  • The guy. Yeah. Exactly. The guy. Can you tell us why,

  • and how you started your sites? So, I'm 39 years old. I've been on this planet

  • that long and from as early as I can remember I didn't understand why the news, all they

  • wanted to talk about, I remember being a kid and being like, "The world seems like a scary

  • place." Growing up in New York there was always kidnappings,

  • and robberies, and murders, and what I quickly learned is that none of that stuff was happening

  • around me, and if I didn't get it from an external source I didn't have to feel bad

  • about everything going on bad in the world. Because, if you talked about neuroscience

  • you know that the brain really doesn't know the difference between what it's imagining

  • and what is real. So, if you're watching the news, and your mouth is dry and your heart

  • is pounding, and you're angry and then somebody says something and you're snapping at them,

  • now there's misplaced anger going on, just because you had to watch this thing that you're

  • addicted to. I don't blame the media or us. I think it's

  • just one of those things where somebody who wanted to make a lot of money figured out

  • this weakness that humans have, and it's a weakness for negativity.

  • Yeah. Negativity bias. That's what we just talked about. The brain is hardwired to give

  • more attention to the negative than the positive. It's evolutionary. It's just part of how we're

  • built. Yeah. We want to survive.

  • Yeah. So, if there's a snake on this pathway you

  • got to remember not to go down that pathway. So, I guess I didn't figure it out, I just

  • kind of experimented and I had seen some really beautiful stories go viral over the years.

  • I've been on the internet a long time, and I don't know, I just said, "What the media

  • is doing is they're creating a visceral reaction in people. That reaction happens to be negative.

  • What if I could create a visceral reaction that's positive where, instead of your mouth

  • getting dry or you getting angry, you're crying tears of joy or you're getting a little heart

  • flutter, or you're feeling for the first time in however long that the world is not a scary

  • place, and it's not out to get you.” So, I just try and pollute my brain with positivity

  • as much as possible. I love that. I love that.

  • Yeah. I'm actually just curious about this, personally.

  • How do you find the good news? Where does it come from? Do you have other people that

  • search for it? Is this all you? Do people submit things? How does it come about?

  • No. So, the thing is, it's really not that hard to find. That's the trick. You would

  • think that... I remember when I started the page, Hurricane Harvey was going on and the

  • local news is... I was posting only huge stories. J. J. Watt raising 20 million, the Cajun Navy

  • driving hundreds of miles to rescue people. And I remember I happened to have the news

  • on one day in the house and I saw a video or a story of a little four-year-old boy who

  • had fallen off a deck in the Bronx and died. Right?

  • It wasn't Eric Clapton's son falling out of a window, it wasn't some powerful person's

  • kid, it wasn't extenuating circumstances, it was just some family who lost their child,

  • and that made the news. And what occurred to me was that it doesn't

  • always need to be big news, it could be little news and if I attack it with that attitude

  • I'm never going to run out of good news. Ever. And it's just, it's so easy to find. I mean,

  • at this point... There was one point very early on in the development of the page, maybe

  • like two weeks in where I realized, I almost felt like my work was done with the page,

  • because not only was the page growing, but people were then starting to send me stories

  • and I was like, "That means they're turning around from the Instagram page, going out

  • into the world and finding their own good news."

  • Yes. The ripple effect has begun. So, people send

  • it. I like finding my own. I have a bunch of different sources that I go to. Every big

  • media outlet has a good news page or section, or human interest, it's just buried behind

  • the shootings, and the fires, and the coronavirus and all that.

  • I'll tell you, I live for NBC Nightly News. At the end there's Inspiring America, there's

  • all the segments at the end that are the human interest stories, and it's like, I live for

  • them. And they're amazing. They are so amazing. So, I just want to appreciate on you and thank

  • you for what you do in pulling them all together for us.

  • I don't know if you want to talk into this or not, and if it's not interesting that's

  • cool. I was wondering if you could talk about the difference between toxic positivity and

  • genuine, helpful positivity? This notion of toxic positivity is around that... It's almost

  • this subtle nuance. Right? Where people are like, "Never give up."

  • Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just going down this one side where

  • it almost feels like there's a lack of empathy or compassion for a whole range of positivity

  • that could also include the fact, "You know what? Sometimes you do have to cut your losses

  • and that's not necessarily negative." Or, "You know what? Things are hard, and it's

  • okay to take a rest, and then you get back up." It's a bit more of a, I would say, holistic

  • version of positivity that most of us can relate to, versus a toxic version, which would

  • make people feel like, "Oh my gosh, if I take a nap I'm just losing at life."

  • So, the reason that I was confused when you brought that up, is because I remember coming

  • across that and landing on the fact that, that's just not positivity to me. That's not

  • evenThat's not toxic positivity. There's a couple of people out there on the

  • internet who... I always want to be careful for a few things. One, I try to make sure

  • that my page, the things that I post, the stories that I pick, the captions that I write

  • are never too sappy or preachy, because I never want it to come across like I don't

  • know what's going on in the world. Or I'm somehow unaware of the fact that bad things

  • are going on. I don't have my head buried in the sand. I'm

  • not Pollyanna. I just happen to look at the good news 80%, bad news 20%. And the news

  • is just bad news. Right. Right, right, right.

  • It's not 95/5, it's not 100/0, it's not 50/50. Because like you said, the five-to-one. You

  • got to offset that somehow. Totally. I was doing research too and there's

  • this old adage, right? I've been running my business now for 20 years and I'm just fascinated.

  • I'm fascinated with advertising, I'm fascinated with media, fascinated with commercials, and

  • there's this old adage, "If it bleeds, it leads." Right?

  • Yeah. And that's been around forever. It's been

  • around forever, just speaks into what you're talking about. So, what do you think that

  • we as individuals can do? And we talked about this a little bit already.

  • Someone listening to this right now. Getting on board going, "Yes. I want to get this five-to-one

  • ratio down. I want to start looking for it in my life." And let's say they're in India.

  • Actually, today's question was from one of our viewers in Bangalore India, earlier on

  • in this podcast. Anything that you would say to them to do, to start cultivating this in

  • their own communities, in their own countries, in their own world, wherever they are?

  • Yeah. I mean, it starts internally. It starts with one. It's one of those things where if

  • you try and bite off more than you can chew, you wind up getting frustrated and saying,

  • "Oh, this is fake. This is not real. I can't actually do this."

  • Yeah. I'm trying to think of the best way to put

  • it. I read a page of probably 10 different books a day. Maybe two pages.