Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles It is a very gray and rainy day outside, so having a cup of tea is incredibly comforting. And this is our first 'Tea-time Tuesday' segment in the new studio. Finding happiness is something I was hoping we could chat about today and I know that it's an incredibly difficult topic to cover because every person is so individual when it comes to how they feel happy and what makes them happy. And, the topic of happiness: I feel like it's been tackled by philosophers since the dawn of man and there seems to be kind of no trivial answer when we are looking at how people can become more happy. But when we look at something like social media or commercials, they make it seem like it's not even a question at all. They give us the impression that, you know, if you buy a certain thing or if you look a certain way, then you'll become happy. They make it seem like happiness is conditional. If you do this, then you'll be happy. By now I think we've all learned, from one source or another, that social media is heavily curated. We selectively, and very carefully, choose what we share with the world. The content that I share is very much included in all of that. So for example, I share with you meals that I authentically eat at home. But I plate it in a way that I wouldn't normally do if I was eating it alone at home. Cause I grab some artsy-looking bowls. I place it on a backdrop with some accent pieces that color complement the food. I make things look a little bit messy. I add garnishes to make it look really pretty. And, I do all of that because it's an art form for me, but I think it gives people the impression that, that's what my food looks like all the time. But it's not! It's the whole expectation vs reality bit. And the same thing happens when we are scrolling through social media and we see these people who look like they're living exceptionally happy lives. And we start to think to ourselves, "Maybe if I do what they're doing, then I'll also be happy. Maybe if I travel more, then I'll be happy. If I buy that outfit, that makeup, that jewelry, then I'll be happy." "Maybe I don't have time for that, because I'm studying, but if and when I graduate then I'll be happy." It's this game we're constantly playing and it's a game we're never winning. And it's the If... then game. "If I get fit, then I'll be happy." "If I find a loving and supportive partner, then I'll be happy." If... then. If... then. If... then. And it's a very toxic way of thinking. And, I think it's toxic for a couple of reasons. For one: it makes us feel like happiness is something that only comes later and as a result of something. But, that is definitely not the case! Happiness is something we can all tap into at any moment. And the second reason it's toxic: let's say we do that thing; we go travel, we graduate, we buy that jewelry, we get fit, we have that partner. Then what? Cause from my experience, it's always something else. The bar keeps getting set higher and higher, and happiness seems to be this thing that is forever out of reach. And, that's how a lot of us can end up feeling like we're stuck in a rut. So what can we do about it? I think there are three things we can do. For one: catch that thinking dead in its tracks. If you notice yourself doing the If... then thinking, remind yourself that it's important to have aspirations and dreams and desires, but achieving those things alone will not make you happy. Other things can also bring about happiness! Number two: in that exact moment when you notice yourself doing the If... then thinking try to shift your mindset and, one way to do that is to just stop, look around you, and start saying "thank you." "thank you, thank you, thank you." for everything thats around you. Maybe you live in a certain home, or you're surrounded by certain people, you live in a certain country. There is things to be thankful for. I think that when we do the If... then thinking, we are focusing on the things that we lack. But when we say "thank you," we are grateful for the things that we have. And, so you might want to travel really badly, but we live in a country where a lot of people come to as tourists. Is there a way that maybe you can be a tourist in your own country? It's just about shifting the mindset a little bit. We might not have graduated yet, but we have the ability to get an education. We have the ability to advance our knowledge. We might not have a partner, but maybe we have supportive friends or family. The point of this is to focus on the things that we have instead of the things that we lack. And number three: I think it's really important to also mention, that it's okay to not be in the state of happiness all the time, contrary to what social media makes you believe. That's just being human! And, I think that's sometimes the flaw of some of the self-improvement movement. It makes us feel like if we're not stronger, happier, faster, better versions of our former selves then we've failed in some way. We feel guilty for feeling the ups and downs of life, but that's just characteristic to being human. We need the ups and downs and hardships to learn and grow. And those down moments help us appreciate the up moments so much more! So if I can summarize: happiness is this very difficult and complex topic to explore but it's the state of emotion that we are all constantly striving to achieve. And, I think one important way that we can do that is to be grateful for the things that we have instead of focusing on the things that we lack. So trying to minimize that if... then thinking whenever we can, and to realize that it's only human to feel down sometimes and to not, kind of feel, guilty for feeling that way. And, also, before I sign off, there is one more thing I've been wanting to mention for a while now. I think that's it for today. Thanks a lot for enjoying this cup of tea with me! I hope you guys have an awesome week ahead. We'll see you in the next video!!!