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It is a very gray and rainy day outside,
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so having a cup of tea is incredibly comforting.
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And this is our first 'Tea-time Tuesday' segment in the new studio.
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Finding happiness is something I was hoping we could chat about today
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and I know that it's an incredibly difficult topic to cover because every person is so individual
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when it comes to how they feel happy and what makes them happy.
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And, the topic of happiness: I feel like it's been tackled by philosophers since the dawn of man
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and there seems to be kind of no trivial answer when we are looking at how people can become more happy.
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But when we look at something like social media or commercials, they make it seem like it's not even a question at all.
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They give us the impression that, you know, if you buy a certain thing or if you look a certain way,
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then you'll become happy.
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They make it seem like happiness is conditional.
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If you do this, then you'll be happy.
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By now I think we've all learned, from one source or another, that social media is heavily curated.
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We selectively, and very carefully, choose what we share with the world.
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The content that I share is very much included in all of that.
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So for example, I share with you meals that I authentically eat at home.
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But I plate it in a way that I wouldn't normally do if I was eating it alone at home. Cause I grab some
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artsy-looking bowls. I place it on a backdrop with some accent pieces that color complement the food.
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I make things look a little bit messy.
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I add garnishes to make it look really pretty.
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And, I do all of that because it's an art form for me,
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but I think it gives people the impression that, that's what my food looks like all the time. But it's not!
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It's the whole expectation vs reality bit.
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And the same thing happens when we are scrolling through social media
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and we see these people who look like they're living exceptionally happy lives.
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And we start to think to ourselves, "Maybe if I do what they're doing,
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then I'll also be happy.
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Maybe if I travel more, then I'll be happy.
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If I buy that outfit,
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that makeup, that jewelry, then I'll be happy."
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"Maybe I don't have time for that, because I'm studying, but if and when I graduate then I'll be happy."
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It's this game we're constantly playing and it's a game we're never winning.
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And it's the If... then game. "If I get fit, then I'll be happy."
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"If I find a loving and supportive partner, then I'll be happy."
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If... then. If... then. If... then.
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And it's a very toxic way of thinking.
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And, I think it's toxic for a couple of reasons.
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For one: it makes us feel like happiness is something that only comes later and as a result of something.
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But, that is definitely not the case!
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Happiness is something we can all tap into at any moment.
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And the second reason it's toxic:
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let's say we do that thing; we go travel,
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we graduate, we buy that jewelry, we get fit, we have that partner.
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Then what?
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Cause from my experience, it's always something else.
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The bar keeps getting set higher and higher, and happiness seems to be this thing that is forever out of reach.
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And, that's how a lot of us can end up feeling like we're stuck in a rut.
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So what can we do about it?
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I think there are three things we can do.
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For one: catch that thinking dead in its tracks. If you notice yourself doing the If... then thinking,
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remind yourself that it's important to have aspirations and dreams and desires,
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but achieving those things alone will not make you happy.
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Other things can also bring about happiness!
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Number two: in that exact moment when you notice yourself doing the If... then thinking
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try to shift your mindset and, one way to do that is to just stop, look around you, and start saying "thank you."
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"thank you, thank you, thank you."
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for everything thats around you.
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Maybe you live in a certain home,
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or you're surrounded by certain people, you live in a certain country.
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There is things to be thankful for.
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I think that when we do the If... then thinking, we are focusing on the things that we lack.
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But when we say "thank you," we are grateful for the things that we have.
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And, so you might want to travel really badly, but we live in a country where a lot of people come to as tourists.
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Is there a way that maybe you can be a tourist in your own country?
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It's just about shifting the mindset a little bit.
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We might not have graduated yet, but we have the ability to get an education.
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We have the ability to advance our knowledge.
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We might not have a partner, but maybe we have supportive friends or family.
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The point of this is to focus on the things that we have instead of the things that we lack.
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And number three:
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I think it's really important to also mention, that it's okay to not be in the state of happiness all the time,
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contrary to what social media makes you believe.
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That's just being human! And, I think that's sometimes the flaw of some of the self-improvement movement.
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It makes us feel like if we're not stronger, happier, faster, better versions of our former selves then we've failed in some way.
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We feel guilty for feeling the ups and downs of life, but that's just characteristic to being human.
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We need the ups and downs and hardships to learn and grow.
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And those down moments help us appreciate the up moments so much more!
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So if I can summarize: happiness is this very difficult and complex topic to explore but it's the state of emotion that we are all constantly striving to achieve.
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And, I think one important way that we can do that is to be grateful for the things that we have instead of focusing on the things that we lack.
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So trying to minimize that if... then thinking whenever we can,
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and to realize that it's only human to feel down sometimes
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and to not, kind of feel, guilty for feeling that way.
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And, also, before I sign off, there is one more thing
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I've been wanting to mention for a while now.
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I think that's it for today.
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Thanks a lot for enjoying this cup of tea with me! I hope you guys have an awesome week ahead.
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We'll see you in the next video!!!