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  • - You know, so we're watching the story

  • about the Toy Hall of Fame, which is in Rochester.

  • And we're seeing all the toys that are being inducted

  • and so everyone in the office starts talking

  • about their favorite toys growing up, right?

  • So some people are like "Oh yeah, no

  • for me it was Shoots and Ladders,

  • and for me it was the sled,

  • and for me it was this, it was that."

  • And then, the people were like,

  • "What was your favorite, favorite toy growing up?"

  • And I was like, "Genuinely,

  • my favorite toy growing up was a brick."

  • (audience laughs)

  • All right, which sounds crazy

  • but, Spinny why do you walk away like I'm a crazy?

  • (audience laughs)

  • like you literally walk away

  • like I'm saying the wildest thing.

  • No cause we, so what happened was no,

  • we had, when we were growing up I'd live

  • at my Gran's house in Soweto,

  • and then what would happen is,

  • a lot of kids didn't have toys,

  • but it wasn't like a sad thing

  • like "Oh, I don't have toys."

  • It was like we'd play with whatever we find.

  • And so the most popular thing little boys would play

  • with was bricks, and your brick was,

  • you'd play with it like a toy car.

  • So you'd walk around the neighborhood searching

  • for the best brick, all right?

  • 'Cause the game you would play,

  • we didn't put wheels on it or anything,

  • like someone asked in the office,

  • they're like, "Did you put wheels on?"

  • No, there's no wheels, where were we gonna find wheels?

  • If we have wheels, we wouldn't have these problems.

  • (audience laughs) So we just took bricks,

  • so you would find bricks,

  • and then the game you'd play is you'd drive around

  • in the dirt with your brick car,

  • and then you would smash into the other boys' bricks,

  • and then if your brick was the last brick standing,

  • you won the game.

  • So, like all of us, it was like a mission.

  • You're like, "Man, I gotta find bricks, I gotta."

  • You just walk around the whole day, just searching

  • for bricks, and there's this one brick

  • that we had called a face brick, all right?

  • Which is basically like a really beautiful brick

  • that you can, you know bricks that you don't plaster over?

  • 'Cause you have that as the face of your house,

  • that's why you would call it the face brick, right?

  • And so, that was like the dream brick.

  • It was the most expensive brick, though.

  • You couldn't, you'd find everyone

  • with gray bricks and the dark black bricks

  • and all those, but those bricks break.

  • You come with a face brick, everyone would see you,

  • you'd pitch up, you'd be like a pimp rolling up

  • in a Rolls-Royce Phantom, like genuinely.

  • I remember one day I found the face brick,

  • and you know I got the, all the kids were like (car noises).

  • And I've got the little swag, and they're like,

  • "Oh Trevor, are you playing, are you playing?"

  • And then I was like, "Yeah."

  • and I pulled my brick out from behind my back.

  • And they're like (gasps) "Face brick, face brick."

  • And it's like, "Now he has a face brick, face brick."

  • And it's like, "Let's go."

  • And then you drive, and then everyone rams in,

  • and I'll be like, "You guys ram me first, I'll just chill."

  • And everyone tries to ram your brick,

  • and because it's a face brick,

  • it's compact, it doesn't crack,

  • and everyone's brick crack in half,

  • people are devastated.

  • You see kids smash their brick,

  • and the brick cracks dead in the middle,

  • and they're like (cries dramatically)

  • (cries out in foreign language)

  • It's like a big thing.

  • And then you'd play, and you'd take the brick,

  • and it was such a popular thing

  • that you had to be careful if you lived in the townships

  • because kids would steal bricks from outside your house

  • if you were doing renovations,

  • so if you weren't careful,

  • you would have all your bricks outside,

  • 'cause you're like, "Oh I'm gonna build a wall."

  • And then the next day you would come there,

  • and you'd be like, "Where the fuck are my bricks?"

  • (audience laughs)

  • And all the bricks are gone,

  • and there's just kids driving around, like (car noises).

  • It's like, "Are those my bricks?"

  • "I don't know what you're talking about, man.

  • This is my favorite toy."

  • It just makes you realize, you can just have fun

  • with anything, man, it was, that was genuinely my favorite.

  • Even now when I see bricks, I get happy.

  • Like I said to friends,

  • that's the one thing I don't like about living

  • in New York, you don't see bricks often,

  • just loose bricks hanging around.

  • You take that for granted, I walk around, I'm like,

  • "Man, no bricks, no bricks, no bricks, no bricks."

  • And if I see a brick, there's a thing in me still

  • to this day that wants to take the brick,

  • and I have to stop myself and be like,

  • "You're the host of 'The Daily Show'.

  • You can buy all the bricks you want."

  • And it's like, "Yeah, but take that brick Trevor,

  • come on, you know you want to."

  • And I was thinking, imagine if TMZ caught me on camera,

  • and it's like, "Trevor Noah spotted stealing a brick."

  • And then I'd be trying to explain it,

  • "No, it's a car, no it's not a" (laughs)

  • "Is Trevor Noah oh drugs?"

  • "No wait, it's so strong."

  • "What were you doing Trevor?"

  • "I was gonna build my own wall."

  • (audience laughs)

  • That's what South Africa, you guys,

  • you should let Donald Trump build the wall,

  • and then just bring all the South African kids overnight.

  • (audience claps and laughs)

  • And they'll just like take the.

  • So in my grandmother's house,

  • we didn't have a tap in the house.

  • We had one tap shared amongst four houses,

  • and that seemed cool compared to my cousins

  • because in the villages, they had one tap,

  • which was like a mile away.

  • So I'd go to my cousins to visit them

  • for the holidays, and then I would,

  • my cousin would wake me up at like 5 a.m.,

  • I'd be like, "Dude, what are you doing?"

  • He's like, "We gotta go get water."

  • And I'm like, "What?"

  • And then you get the wheelbarrow,

  • and then you go, and it's fun when you're on the way there

  • 'cause you're like, "This is fun."

  • You've got your wheelbarrow, you're rolling.

  • And then you fill up, you forget that you have

  • to fill them up with water.

  • So these giant, giant, giant drums of water,

  • and then you bring them back,

  • and your like, "Fuck."

  • The whole time, you're just like,

  • "I don't need water, I don't need water."

  • And then one day I took,

  • 'cause my cousin was shredded just because of that.

  • Every single day was just him lifting a barrel.

  • It was like 400 pounds on a wheelbarrow,

  • just pushing that every single day.

  • And then one day I remember, I was like, "I can do this."

  • And I took it, and I was like, "Oh, oh, oh oh"

  • And then all the water gone.

  • (audience gasps) Just like all of it.

  • And then I was like, "Well, well,

  • you shouldn't have let me take the wheelbarrow."

  • I just pulled a Ben Carson,

  • I was like, "That was your bad."

  • Did I know my life would turn out like this

  • since I was a kid?

  • Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember when I was like four years old,

  • and there was like this little kid who pushed me

  • to the ground, and then I was like,

  • "Ha, one day I'm gonna be the host of 'The Daily Show'."

  • No, I get what you're saying,

  • and I'm joking obviously, I'm being facetious.

  • No, I had no clue.

  • Nor did I wish for that, I'll be honest with you.

  • I was, I still joke with my mom about that 'til this day.

  • I go, "I did not know where life would take me,

  • or how life would end up.

  • All I knew is that I wanted to be able to afford

  • to buy as much food as I wanted to buy.

  • Like at any time."

  • That was the big time in my life.

  • 'Cause when you don't have money in a family,

  • the food decision is the biggest decision you can make.

  • So let me put it this way.

  • We would go out for take-out maybe once a month

  • if we're lucky,

  • and I remember the pressure that I was under

  • 'cause you'd get the menu,

  • and then they'd be like, "Do you want a burger

  • or do you want pizza or,"

  • and I was just like (groans) "Don't mess this up,

  • don't mess this up."

  • It was such a big decision.

  • And I remember one day, I said to my mom, I was like,

  • "One day I'm gonna be rich enough to buy two."

  • (audience coos)

  • And then my mom could have been like, "Shut up kid."

  • But she was like, "Yeah, you will be rich enough, yeah."

  • And I was like, "And I'll buy dessert."

  • She's like, "You go buy all the dessert.

  • All of the dessert."

  • And so then now, my mom was like,

  • "Did you buy the dessert, did you buy the dessert?"

  • And then she point at my tummy,

  • and she's like, "Look like you bought the dessert."

  • In Africa, like so my mom,

  • she would let me watch a sex scene in a movie,

  • she would be like, "I don't care about that."

  • But if kids were playing with food,

  • she'd make me turn the movie off.

  • So whenever, so whenever there's like,

  • I used to watch those high school movies,

  • those American movies, and then you know,

  • there'd always be a food fight in the cafeteria.

  • Then my mom would be like, "Turn it off, turn it off."

  • And then I'd be like, "What you mean?"

  • She's like, "Why they wasting food?"

  • Then I was like, "It's a movie."

  • She's like, "But it's real food, it's real food.

  • It's real food, how can you waste food like that?"

  • And then I was, it's like my mom was going,

  • you know parents will go, "There's children starving."

  • My mom as like, "We are starving in Africa.

  • We are starving, why are they wasting food?"

  • The first time I remember hearing a joke

  • as a child was actually, I was with my grandfather,

  • and we were at a protest in the streets in South Africa.

  • And I don't know what the protest was for,

  • I'm assuming it was anti-apartheid or whatever.

  • But I was very young, and I was with my grandfather,

  • and we're walking, marching through the streets,

  • and a policeman came by on a horse.

  • And policemen on horses is like, yo you,

  • like no one is comfortable, do you know what I mean?

  • Just generally, as black people, we're never like, "Yay,

  • yay, he's gonna do the thing."

  • No, you were terrified of a policeman on a horse.

  • And this guy was trying to move the crowd along, move,

  • and he's like, "Move, move, bloody hell, move, move."

  • And he got to my grandfather,

  • and then my grandfather turned to him,

  • and the guy looked at him, and he was like,

  • "Hey, why aren't you moving."

  • And my grandfather turned to him, and he said, he said,

  • "Master, master, can I ask you a question?"

  • And this guy was like, "What, what, what did you say?"

  • He said, "Can I ask you a question, master?"

  • And it was like, and then he asked him a question,

  • and to give you the context,

  • that weekend, the previous weekend,

  • there was our version of the Kentucky Derby took place,

  • and then the winning horse was celebrated,

  • and the president went and gave a kiss

  • to the horse that won, and liked kissed him,

  • and was on the front page of the newspaper,

  • the president kissing the horse.

  • And so then, so that's the context.

  • So my grandfather turns to the cop, and he's like,

  • "Can I ask you a question?"

  • and the cop is like, "What, what do you want?"

  • And he says, "Master, why is it

  • that your president can kiss a horse,

  • but he won't kiss my sister?"

  • (audience laughs)

  • And like, you could see the cop was just like,

  • he's like, "What?"

  • And he's like, "What, I don't know."

  • And I was like, and then my grandfather turned to me,

  • and he's like, "Because you haven't seen my sister."

  • (audience laughs and claps)

  • And I'll never forget the policeman's face,

  • he burst into tears laughing,

  • 'cause he was like, "What?"

  • And then he just started laughing,

  • and my grandfather was laughing,

  • and I'd never seen, two things I had never seen,

  • like a policeman laughing with black people ever before,

  • that was my first time seeing that.

  • And it was just my first time seeing

  • how a joke could diffuse tension, you know what I mean?

  • And then I just remember growing up,

  • I was like, "Oh I want to do that thing, I wanna.

  • Yeah, I wanna do that thing more."

  • Diapers, I hate changing diapers.

  • I don't have kids, but I just hate changing diapers.

  • I have two younger brothers,

  • so I changed their diapers when I was growing up.

  • And then at some point with my youngest brother,

  • who's 20 years younger than me,

  • I was just like, "You're just, you're gonna keep shitting,

  • so just don't wear pants."

  • and I was like, "It's easier to pooper scoop this person

  • than it is."

  • So then my little brother would just come,

  • I'd teach him, the thing was,

  • he'd just come running up to me,

  • and then he'd be like, "Trevor, poo poo."

  • And then I'd be like, "Aight."

  • And then we'd just run outside,

  • and then I'd make him shit in the garden,

  • like I would, I would fold him,

  • I'd hold his legs and his body,

  • and then I'd hold him like this,

  • and then he'd be like a little turtle in my hands,

  • and then I would hold him, and then he would shit,

  • and then he'd be like, "Doo doos, doo doos."

  • And then I'd be like, "Finished?"

  • And he's like, "Doo doos."

  • Then I'm like, "All right cool."

  • And then I shake him a little bit,

  • and then I'd take him, yeah, and then I'd take him,

  • and he'd stand, and then I'd spray him down

  • with a hose pipe, so take him,

  • and he loved it, he was like

  • this is the greatest experience ever.

  • And then I'd be like,

  • "Just don't tell mom what we're doing."

  • And then he'd always tell mom.

  • He'd always be like, "Mommy, Trevor sprayed me

  • with the hose pipe."

  • Then I'm like, "Jesus, kid, you're killing me here."

  • He would love it.

  • It was just like a fun, and then I remember,

  • one of the funniest things was like a year

  • or something later.

  • We're sitting together watching TV,

  • and we're watching footage of police spraying people

  • with, like, protesters with the water hoses.

  • And then he looks at me,

  • he's like, "Trevor, did they doo doos?"

  • Then I'm like (laughs) I'm like, "No." (laughs)

  • So in my family, my two younger brothers are,

  • so from my mother's second marriage,

  • and so I'm still the only person

  • in my family that looks like this.

  • So my mom is an African woman, black Xhosa woman,

  • my father's Swiss from Switzerland,

  • so he's a white man, and so I look like this.

  • And then my mom remarried a black man,

  • and so my brothers don't look like me either.

  • And I remember what was really beautiful was,

  • my brother's, we always spoke about this stuff.

  • My parents, they were like, "Yeah, different dads,

  • we get how this works."

  • So my brother one day,

  • I pick him up from school.

  • He's really young at the time,

  • he was what, maybe like, trying think,

  • he was 9, maybe 10 years old,

  • and he gets in the car and he just deflates.

  • And he gets in the passenger seat,

  • and he fastens his seatbelt, and I'm like,

  • "What's going on Isaac?"

  • And he's like, "Trevor."

  • He's like, "Oh, kids, man, I can't do this, kids."

  • So I go, "Kids, tell me more."

  • And then he's like, "I just, I just don't know

  • what to do with kids, Trevor, you know?

  • Like today, one of my friends said,

  • 'Oh, are we walking home?'

  • Then I said, 'No, my brother's picking me up.'

  • Then he said, 'Ah, who's your brother.'

  • And I sad, 'Trevor.'

  • Then now when we're walking, he sees you in the car,

  • then he says, 'Who's that?'

  • Then I say, 'It's my brother.'

  • Then he says, 'Ah, but how can your brother,

  • how can your brother be white?'

  • Then I said, 'He's not white, he's not white, he's mixed.'

  • Then he said, 'But you not mixed, you don't look the same.

  • How can your brother not look the same?'"

  • So now I'm like, "Oh, man,

  • I'm gonna have to go through this."

  • So then I'm like, "So what did you say to him."

  • And he's like, "Ah Trevor, I'd have

  • to explain it the way kids understand."

  • He said, "I just said to him, I said,

  • 'Zweli, you've gotta understand,

  • people are like chocolates, okay?

  • Like you can have a white chocolate,

  • and you can have a dark chocolate,

  • and you can have a milk chocolate.

  • But it's all Nestle, okay?'"

  • (audience laughs)

  • Any questions?

  • (audience murmurs)

  • No, you good, okay.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Yeah. - [Audience Woman] How's Fufi?

  • - How's, oh how's Fufi?

  • - Yeah. - Wow, that's a deep cut.

  • (audience laughs)

  • You guys just asked me that like just random,

  • you gotta be like, "Hey Trevor, so I read in your book."

  • You can't just be like, "How's Fufi?"

  • 'Cause in my mind, who the hell, Fufi (cries).

  • No because, - [Audience Woman] Sorry.

  • because Fufi died.

  • (audience cries)

  • So for those who don't,

  • so I had a dog when I was growing up,

  • one of the dogs we had,

  • my mom was working at a pharmaceutical company,

  • and her colleague came to work one day and was like,

  • "Hey, my neighbor's dog impregnated my dog,

  • so now I have all these puppies I don't want,

  • and they're like this weird mix

  • of bull-terrier and a Maltese poodle.

  • So do you want to take them?"

  • And my mom's like, "All right, I'll take two."

  • And then my mom brought them home,

  • and I'd never had a dog before,

  • and I was like this is the most amazing thing in the world.

  • And so we raised them, and it was two beautiful dogs

  • that look completely different, but they were sisters.

  • They were the best, Fufi and Panther,

  • and my mom called the one Panther

  • 'cause she had a pink nose, so the Pink Panther,

  • and then Fufi was like the dumbest most beautiful dog ever,

  • and Panther was the smartest, ugliest dog you'd ever seen,

  • and so I loved Fufi the most

  • 'cause she's just looked really viscous.

  • And I used to think that Fufi was really stupid,

  • and then one day what happened was

  • at our house, somebody was trying to come into the house,

  • like a family friend, and they were trying

  • to open the gate, and then they moved the gate,

  • and then the gate fell, and then Panther ran away

  • 'cause they liked to sleep by the gate,

  • and then Panther ran, but then Fufi didn't.

  • And then the gate hit her, and then it broke her spine.

  • It was devastating, so then we went to the vet,

  • and the vet was like, "I can't help her,

  • we've gotta put her down, put her out of her misery."

  • And the vet was like, "But this was amazing,

  • how were you guys, how did you guys raise a deaf dog?"

  • And we were like, "What?"

  • And we're like, "What do you mean a deaf dog?"

  • And he was like, "Oh, like afterwards,

  • when I was just going through, examining her

  • while she was still living,

  • I realized that she wasn't born

  • with I guess a certain part of the cochlea or something."

  • And we're like, "Wait, this dog was deaf the whole time?"

  • (audience laughs)

  • And we just genuinely,

  • we'd just be like, "Fufi, sit, listen to me, sit Fufi!"

  • And I was like, "You're so dumb, you're so dumb."

  • And I never knew that the dog,

  • and then we realized, what used to happen was,

  • when we'd call the dogs,

  • we'd be like, "Fufi, Panther."

  • And Fufi would never come,

  • but Panther would come running sometimes,

  • and then she'd look at you,

  • and then she'd run back, and then they would both come.

  • And I always used to be like, Fufi's just dumb.

  • And then I realized Panther was like,

  • "Ah, she didn't hear."

  • And then she'd go back and fetch her,

  • and then she would then, both of them would come,

  • and then like now, I went back,

  • and I was like (cries) Fufi, Fufi, I miss you Fufi.

  • So that's how Fufi's doing, she's yeah.

  • What happened to Teddy from my book?

  • You know what's funny is randomly one day,

  • I was driving to a car dealership.

  • I had bought an Audi, and I went to the car dealership

  • 'cause I needed them to help me with something,

  • and then they said, "We will,

  • we'll call our top mechanic."

  • And just to give you a bit of a backstory,

  • Teddy was my best friend in primary school,

  • and him and I used to go shoplifting together.

  • And then one day, we were busted shoplifting,

  • and then we ran away, and then they caught Teddy,

  • but they didn't catch me, and then,

  • but they had security footage of what happened,

  • and they went to all the schools in the area looking

  • for who was shoplifting with Teddy.

  • And then they didn't know it was me

  • because the security camera was black and white,

  • it was like the old school black and white cameras,

  • and so they were like, "We're looking for a white kid,"

  • because on the camera, in black and white,

  • it chose, the camera chose white.

  • So then at the school they asked me,

  • they were like, "Trevor, come in here."

  • They're like, "You're friends with Teddy?"

  • I was like, "Uh-huh."

  • And they're like, "Well Teddy was caught shoplifting."

  • I was like, "Uh-huh."

  • They're like, "There was someone with him."

  • I was like, "Uh-huh."

  • They're like, "It was a white kid, who was he?"

  • I was like, "Huh?"

  • And then they just never caught me,

  • and then Teddy never snitched or anything,

  • but he got expelled from the school,

  • and then I thought he went to jail or something.

  • So, and I never knew where he ended up in life.

  • 10 years later, maybe even more,

  • I was, yeah, I had an Audi, drove

  • to an Audi dealership 'cause they wanted

  • to help me with something.

  • And I pulled in, and I said, "Can you help me?"

  • They said, "Oh, this is complicated.

  • Let's call our top technician mechanic."

  • And then they call the guy, and they're like,

  • "Theo, come out," and then he came out,

  • and then it was Teddy, and I was like,

  • "Teddy,

  • Teddy,

  • Teddy."

  • So that's what happened to Teddy.

  • All right, let's do this.

  • I was devastated, and he was just like,

  • "What are you crying about?"

  • I was like, "I'm so happy."

  • He's like, "Dude, we were stealing chocolate bars,

  • why would you be thinking,

  • why would you thinK."

  • "I thought you went to jail for life."

  • It's funny, in South Africa,

  • we have a saying, and you must remember,

  • because of so many of the struggle leaders

  • in South Africa were either imprisoned or exiled,

  • the movement in South Africa was held together

  • in large part by women in the country.

  • And so it's weird for me 'cause I understand,

  • you travel the world, you understand that everywhere,

  • feminism is different, and the idea of women is different,

  • but I grew up in a world that was very matriarchal,

  • and where women were the most dangerous freedom fighters

  • that existed. (audience screams)

  • It's true, you read up on Winnie Mandela,

  • like Nelson Mandela was an icon,

  • but the police in the country were afraid

  • of Winnie Mandela, you know, they were.

  • And we had a phrase in South Africa that was,

  • we still use it today, which was

  • "Wathint' abafazi, wathint' imbokodo'"

  • which means, "You strike a woman you strike a rock."

  • And that's what

  • I grew up learning. (audience cheers)

  • That was, it was kudos, man.

  • It was fire, it was fire.

  • And a lot of the time, my mom would strike me with a rock.

  • ("The Daily Show" theme music)

- You know, so we're watching the story

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