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  • Based on the terrible books from one of the sh*ttiest authors of all time,

  • comes a movie adaptation for teenage girls who aren't smart enough for The Hunger

  • Games.

  • You'll be on the edge of your seat as voice-over describes everything.

  • "I would miss my harebrained mother."

  • "I used to spend two weeks there almost every summer."

  • "My first day at a new school."

  • Kind of like a book, actually.

  • "My dad's Charlie."

  • This catatonic teenager will fall for the world's gayest vampire.

  • A film that teaches young girls that the only thing that matters is finding a man...

  • a 100 year old man.

  • "So, how long have you been like this?"

  • "Since 1918."

  • But don't worry, it's not pedophilia because he looks 17.

  • Together, they will have the romance of a lifetime

  • expressed entirely in stares.

  • [dramatic music]

  • And even more stares.

  • [dramatic music]

  • A love challenged by the fact that he might accidentally f*ck her to death,

  • this special effect,

  • and her inability to pour ketchup.

  • A film that conditioned a generation of girls to think that love is keeping tabs on

  • each other every waking moment.

  • "Did you follow me?"

  • "I feel protective of you."

  • And even non-waking moments.

  • "I like watching you sleep."

  • "Do you do that a lot?"

  • "Just the past couple of months."

  • I know this looks creepy, but it's really romantic in the movie.

  • I promise.

  • Starring...

  • Vanilla

  • Shovel Face

  • and Troy Polamalu.

  • Twilight: it's just a metaphor for abstinence.

  • Seriously, look it up.

  • Get ready for an hour and a half of people standing in semi-circles,

  • council meetings,

  • different council meetings,

  • and sitting

  • just to get to 5 minutes of cool stuff.

Based on the terrible books from one of the sh*ttiest authors of all time,

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B1 dramatic music twilight waking council dramatic film

Honest Trailers - Twilight

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    Zenn posted on 2014/04/05
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