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  • What the hell have I been doing with my life?

  • Trying to get in shape, man.

  • But I hate going to the gym, so I decided I'd go veggie twice a week.

  • It's brutal.

  • I can only make it till about 5 o'clock.

  • Five o'clock, that's what I realized about myself, you know that?

  • Something has to die every day in order for me to live.

  • Something's got to get its beak chopped off, its feathers yanked, uppercut to its jaw, just in order for me to survive.

  • I'm trying!

  • Couscous and all that shit.

  • It's awful.

  • I saw this thing, though.

  • They said if everybody went vegan, if everybody went vegan or vegetarian, whatever the hell they said.

  • One of those "V" ones, right?

  • They said it'll be great for the environment, you know.

  • I guess there's all this cattle standing around, and when they fart, the gas goes up in the atmosphere and causes something.

  • Right?

  • They're always doing that shit.

  • You know, "If everybody went vegan, the air would be—"

  • "If everybody drove an electric car, if everybody just had some snowshoes on."

  • Right, they just won't come out and say it.

  • Nobody has the balls to come out and just say, "Look, 85 percent of you have to go."

  • That's it, that is it.

  • I have been bitching about the population problem for three specials in a row.

  • Waiting for some politician to have the balls to bring it up, but they won't do it, they won't do it.

  • We live in a democracy, right?

  • Can't be honest in a democracy.

  • You need the votes.

  • You can't run with that as your platform.

  • Coming out there: "And if elected, I would implement a program to immediately eliminate at least 85 percent of you!"

  • "This planet cannot sustain the sheer numberslet me finish!"

  • "This will not be arbitrary."

  • "Under your seats is a multiple choice questionnaire!"

  • "If you did not bring a pencil, you're already out!"

  • You can't do that.

  • You got to be nice.

  • You got to be fucking nice, especially this day and age, man.

  • Everybody getting in trouble, all these goddamn groups out there, bitch, moaning and complaining anytime anybody says anything.

  • "We're part of a group, eh."

  • You gotta apologize.

  • "I'm sorry to people who own Shar Peis."

  • "I didn't mean to say that it's an ugly-ass dog, nah."

  • Right?

  • You know what, fuck you and your group.

  • What about that?

  • What do you got, two million people in your group?

  • There's 400 million in this country.

  • Nobody gives a shit.

  • Right?

  • Who the fuck joins a group?

  • "I'm gonna join a group, that's what I'm gonna do today."

  • Go to meetings.

  • What kind of a fucking loser, right?

  • That's the same way I look at people who got upset about, you know, Michael Sam, the gay football player kissing his boyfriend when he got drafted.

  • Everybody bitch, moaning and complaining.

  • It's like, dude, that's what you get for watching the draft, alright?

  • Now once again, what kind of a fucking loser just sits there watching round after round?

  • "The Jets are up next."

  • "I think they need a quarterback."

  • "They need to improve their defensive line."

  • Dude, that's like going to a graduation ceremony where you don't know anybody who's graduating.

  • You're just fucking sitting there.

  • They're gonna have the whole list the next day.

  • They'll have everybody, who drafted who, when.

  • Fucking got to sit there and watch that shit.

  • Those stupid interviews.

  • "Yeah, you're a member of the Buffalo Bills."

  • "How does it feel?"

  • "Well, you know, it's a blessing."

  • "I want to thank God."

  • "Gonna try to do my best, it's a great organization, and the same shit the last 80 guys said, so yeah"

  • Yeah.

  • I'm glad he kissed him.

  • He should have fucking blown him.

  • Yeah!

  • With birthday cake in his mouth and a Santa Claus hat on his head, just to ruin the entire year.

  • Holding a flag that fucks up Flag Day.

  • You'll keep thinking about it.

  • Yeah.

  • Fucking stupid-ass groups.

  • People apologizing to them like they have some sort of power.

  • Look, if you're being a dick, apologize.

  • But other than that, yeah, go fuck yourself.

What the hell have I been doing with my life?

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