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  • JENN: Hello.

  • Just kidding.

  • My friend at Apple taught me that.

  • How is everyone doing tonight?

  • [ Applause ] It's like 2:00 in the morning.

  • You did it.

  • I so, backstage they have like a makeup station and the sound guy is like, oh, do you need

  • makeup?

  • I think I have enough going on here?

  • Do I look good?

  • Of course I do.

  • Anyway.

  • Along with that and the layout and aggressiveness of this slide, I think that should set the

  • tone for the rest of the talk.

  • So, despite what Lori said in his talk this morning, I'm not talking about WebAssembly.

  • I think they misread the schedule.

  • That's actually Max's talk which is moved to tomorrow.

  • So, please check it out.

  • I'm here today to talk about package managers.

  • I'm just kidding.

  • [ Laughter ] Oh!

  • Oh!

  • And before I go on, I know this counts towards a ton of my talk.

  • Where is Keith Kurson?

  • Is Keith here?

  • Oh, here.

  • Happy birthday, Keith.

  • [ Applause ] Cool.

  • Clapping, a round of applause for the organizers, volunteers, speakers, sponsors.

  • Awesome.

  • Thank you so much for having me tonight.

  • Which was supposed to be a talk I called JavaScript considered useful.

  • But then I saw that the conference schedule had my talk this late.

  • And so, I switched things up a bit.

  • So, thank you for sticking around this late for the first episode and maybe last of my

  • new hit show "JavaScript After Dark."

  • Night time is a time to reflect on the past day.

  • Like, did we feel productive?

  • Did we meet our goals of meeting new people?

  • Saying hi to old friends?

  • Not drinking too much coffee?

  • Who here drank too much coffee?

  • Did we learn some new stuff from the talks today?

  • Like how capitalism is bad, right?

  • Wow.

  • It's also a time to reflect on those moments we can't ever take back.

  • Whose flashbacks keep us up at night.

  • Important and impactful meaningful moments like this time a woman asked me in lower Manhattan

  • three years ago at that red X there where the Chase bank was.

  • And I said I didn't know.

  • But it turns out we were literally in front of a Chase bank.

  • I think about it every night.

  • Tonight, we're going reflect on some just as insomnia inducing past and present moments

  • of JS.

  • The language, the community and me.

  • Tonight, I am your tall shadowy figure hovering over you above sleep paralysis.

  • Now, we're not going to reflect on the birth of JavaScript 23 years ago.

  • There's a wealth of content online you can read about.

  • How it came to be.

  • And it wasn't even the most exciting thing to happen in 1995.

  • That, of course, goes to Space Hog's debut album, if you're into British glam rock.

  • Oasis released what's the story morning glory.

  • But that's just as uninteresting to me tonight as the JavaScript origin story.

  • I bet you didn't think that someone from outside the world of package managers would be bringing

  • the hottest takes to the JavaScript conference.

  • But here we are.

  • The only year in the past that we are going to talk about is probably the most impactful

  • to all of us tonight and that is ten years ago.

  • That is 2009.

  • I know a lot of math.

  • So, what were JavaScript, the community and I up to in 2009?

  • And how we all have collectively grown up since.

  • So, let's explore.

  • In 2009, JavaScript had just about started getting use to the actually being useful.

  • Both for normals and nerds.

  • The iPhone had only been out for about two years.

  • So, the idea of JavaScript in everyone's pockets was real.

  • But it was still in its infancy.

  • Not a lot of people knew.

  • And it had been about four years since AJAX had come about.

  • And I think stronger than dirt is a pretty good bar to reach for scripting languages.

  • In part with AJAX, web 2.0 was evolving from user interactions like shit posting comments,

  • to collaboration and real time shit posting comments with Google wave.

  • They reprogrammed the algorithm that most use today like Glitch.

  • So, honestly, haters of Google Wave can eat it.

  • GitHub and StackOverflow were about a year old.

  • And the most popular JavaScript questions from that year were a reflection of the language's

  • youth and complexity.

  • Which nearly matched that of the social construct of time which to this day we still have issues

  • with in JavaScript.

  • Prototype, jQuery, all a few years old.

  • It's about the user interface, baby.

  • I'm sorry, I cringe whenever I hear that.

  • For the client side, there wasn't much besides the cringy taglines and logos.

  • Entirely exciting or dramatic going on.

  • And to be fair, this is the year before backbone was released.

  • So, there was no real framework wars in sight yet.

  • It would be another year before Steve Jobs would release his viral YouTube video/open

  • letter, thoughts on Flash.

  • By the way, Flash ends of life next year.

  • So, rich people and blogging males weren't quite yet talking about HTML5 as if it were

  • like an actual brand new language literally to solve every problem yet.

  • It was a simpler, softer, more down to Earth time for the document object model and those

  • of us fucking around with it.

  • But that's not to say that 2009 was without excitement or even conflict and drama.

  • Shouts out to the TC39 panel a little bit earlier.

  • It looked a lot different back then.

  • Looked a lot different last year.

  • They were having a tough time coming to a resolution to a debate that I will summarize

  • as I do most in the community, grownups fighting on blogs instead of saying it to their faces.

  • Blogs, for the unfamiliar, it was how people put long threads of Tweets into a single page,

  • by the way.

  • RIP.

  • And TC39 for those that missed the panel, it was great panel.

  • It's a technical committee to which large companies pay 70K or more dollars to join.

  • And what does or doesn't change with JavaScript the language.

  • It appears that in 2009 the committee of the pulling a weekend at Bernie's with the math

  • icon John Von Neumann.

  • Fun fact, Neumann invented merge sort, the second best sorting algorithm next to Jortsort.

  • I don't know.

  • Maybe this is what TC39 was fighting about.

  • Honestly, it was one of the least interesting things I was reading about in 2009.

  • But to be fair, there was a lot of competition in being interesting.

  • Remember, Google Wave came out that year.

  • And by the way, it's hard not to see some irony in the year collaboration was disrupted,

  • some dudes from large companies had a hard time collaborating with each other.

  • Maybe that's the hardest problem in computer science.

  • But if you stare directly into the sun, you may find it interesting that the resolution

  • of this particular conflict was the committee renaming ECMAScript 3.1 to ECMAScript fifth

  • edition.

  • The version, one point, nine points, is a huge thing back thing.

  • It was a few years later that TC39 had another conflict and moved up the version 2009 points.

  • Obviously, an homage to the 2009 renaming.

  • Numerologists should be all over this shit.

  • Most of the news about JavaScript 2009 was not about JavaScript, but about browsers who

  • were all allegedly the best.

  • Stallman was mad about open source.

  • And, yeah, some things haven't changed.

  • Companies tracking us.

  • So, you know, we knew.

  • We were warned.

  • But the most exciting news you would agree in the JavaScript cannon for developers was

  • the founding of the modern JavaScript specification and the release of NodeJS a few months later.

  • Whoo, yeah.

  • Whoo.

  • So, like 2009 was like a growth spurt year.

  • Our youthful and complex JavaScript was finally going through puberty.

  • You know who wasn't going through puberty?

  • Me.

  • I was 24 years old in 2009.

  • And if you go off my Tweets from that year alone, I was dealing with excruciating wisdom

  • tooth pain which I couldn't afford to fix because I was broke as fuck.

  • So, I took recreational drugs to curb the pain instead and expressed myself on the Internet

  • and doing so.

  • I was in Rob Thomas and deleting the Internet before that became cool.

  • And I freaking loved Yahoo!

  • Pipes.

  • Shouts out.

  • What would probably surprise you, I was not writing much JavaScript.

  • I was in graduate school working on my master’s in computer science and my last year's courses

  • were virtually all mathematics.

  • And when not writing pages and pages of pure math, quite beautifully, I must add, I was

  • programming in R. Who here knows R?

  • So, for those of you who are unfamiliar with R, it's similar to S. Very self explanatory.

  • [ Laughter ] I had a lot of odd jobs back then.

  • But my most fulfilling was teaching non technical college students how to use Excel at 7 a.m.

  • I love this review from them who said the class topics themselves are really boring.

  • But it's not like she invented Microsoft Office and forced it upon us.

  • I did not invent Microsoft Office, but I did create the curriculum.

  • So, yeah.

  • 7 a.m.

  • Fun times.

  • I have no idea what StackOverflow or GitHub were.

  • And those sites are probably not even actively considering me a part of their target core

  • demographic.

  • I was a young white woman studying computer science, stats and linear algebra in a state

  • school in New Jersey.

  • In 2009 that was like the conventional path to becoming a software engineer if you were

  • broke and living on your own and the only person in your family to go to college.

  • I don't think there were any web developer bootcamps in 2009.

  • And most higher education engineering programs were using Java and C++ and to this day to

  • teach programming at an applicable level.

  • JavaScript was copying and pasting from cool sites and blogs I liked to look at and follow

  • using Google Reader.

  • Remember?

  • I do.

  • Googlers in here, I remember what you did.

  • Also, I want to shouts out to my old D and D crew.

  • Brian Brennans here.

  • I forgot to take my D and D handbook and my glittery dice out of the shop before I took

  • it.

  • And the elephant says PHP.

  • PHP is JavaScript with question marks.

  • [ Laughter ] I did a lot of really shitty part time freelance

  • web design and development.

  • Yes, design.

  • With a wide range of low or no paying clients and most of that development work was written

  • in PHP.

  • Which is way prettier than the designs I was expected to come up with.

  • So, yeah, my then boyfriend's dad's friend's real estate company who didn't pay me learned.

  • Joan Osborne, Grammy nominated singer, performer, of what is God is one was us hated what I

  • designed.

  • And the movie baby geniuses was adapted from.

  • He was sick as fuck.

  • He hate what had I designed.

  • But as my friend said when his kid vomited on him, tough, but fair.

  • I didn't Tweet about JavaScript until 2010.

  • Far from helpful.

  • I shan't be purchasing this services from you.

  • To me, programming community let alone JavaScript community didn't really exist.

  • Programming in general didn't exist outside of the classroom and maybe in a couple of

  • channels.

  • And this one mailing list I participated in about my favorite operating system, open Solaris.

  • Pour one out for that.

  • While TC39 was arguing about whatever they were arguing about in 2009, Oracle was buying

  • Sun microsystems.

  • With that was the end of the Open Solaris project.

  • I was heartbroken and still pissed at Oracle.

  • You know what else died in 2009?

  • GeoCities.

  • Yeah.

  • So, this may seem hella dramatic.

  • But I was basically watching everything important to me about open source and building the web

  • being destroyed in a very tiny bubble that was very far and very different from the bubble

  • that I am in today which is the JavaScript community.

  • The JavaScript community, what many of us call the communities, what we see here tonight.

  • Young, we think of JSConf, the family conferences and EU.

  • And this conference started in 2009 in response to or after the inaugural JSConf US earlier

  • this year.

  • You may recognize the organizers.

  • Little baby Jan.

  • I like that Jan grew his beard over the past ten years so he can dye it pink just for us

  • tonight.

  • In the pink there, I can't believe you spoke at your own conference.

  • That's like wearing a Green Day shirt to a Green Day concert.

  • It's bad ass.

  • And notice I'm not making fun of AMP in this talking.

  • So, while to me there was no community, it definitely did exist somewhere.

  • And allegedly it was rock and roll.

  • And remember, I love rock and roll.

  • So, why didn't anyone tell me about this?

  • I mean, if you look at this image and you look at the earlier couple of years' images

  • and that like intro, you'll probably realize that I wasn't part of the core target demographic

  • of not only many of the tools that came out in 2009, but these events.

  • And that's not meant to be shade.

  • That's reality.

  • In 2009 it was very hard to see someone like me in the audience of an event like this.

  • Let alone on stage visible and admired by the tech community.

  • Also,