you realized had absolutely no dialogue whatsoever - only after you bought your ticket.

HONEST VOICE (CONT'D) Les Miserabablebles

HONEST VOICE (CONT'D) Told in award-winning songs of beauty andexuberance.

Except those sung by Russell Crowe.

RUSSELL CROWE Unless you learned the meaning of the law.

I have made a false report. We may have met.

HONEST VOICE Characters often singing about things that could be very easily done by just talking normally--

HELENA BONHAM CARTER Go and draw some water from the well.

EPONINE Hey there monsieur, what's new with you?

AMANDA SEYFRIED Are you alright? Why did you go away?

HONEST VOICE Seriously they sing everything, so to hit that point even harder we thought we'd sing the rest of the trailer.

SINGING VOICE Meet the spirit of human redemption: Jean Valjean. A paroled thief now on the run under

an assumed identity... for reasons never made clear in the entire movie.

SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Who must face off against Inspector Javert...

An officer with such terrible priorities, he'll put the entire city of Paris on lock

down to a stop a man who already served his time.

SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Follow along in their epic game of cat and mouse - that spans 20 years

Which is almost as long as the movie feels.

Meet Fantine... a random factory worker who brings an incriminating letter to work for no reason... and is fired--

Sinking into desperation so deep - she becomes most pathetic woman in France

in just two verses of song!

Watch her with no hair, watch her with no teeth - yet she becomes the most desirable prostitute in town

which she'll blame on Hugh Jackman. Even though he had nothing to do with it.

It's Anne Hathaway like you've never seen her...

(Spoken) Literally, she drops dead after only like twenty minutes of screen time.

Leaving Valjean to now care for Cosette, her precocious child who is scared of the dark--

SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) But totally cool letting some stranger drag her around the city.

SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Now, at the dawn of revolution...

One young man, will give up everything for a woman he's met through a fence.

SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Prompting a heart-breaking romance we know nothing about

because the entire subplot is glossed over...

SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) To make room for countless scenes of Borat!

SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Not since "The Dark Knight Rises" has a movie been so manipulative with its use of time jumps.

SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) And not since Chicago, has a movie tried so hard to convince you that movie musicals are a good idea.

SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Featuring award-winning songs, but they all sound the same,

so without the track listing you won't be able to tell one song from another.

SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) Experience over 2 1/2 hours of CGI Crane Shots

SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) and extreme close-ups.

SINGING VOICE (CONT'D) And the death of Russell Crowe's acting ability.

HONEST VOICE Starring...

HUGH JACKMAN I have a very annoying vibrato.

ANNE HATHAWAY I really, really, really wanted to win an Oscar!

RUSSELL CROWE I should have never agreed to sing an entire movie!

SACHA BARON COHEN They really should have shown less of me and more of Eponine!

HELENA BONHAM CARTER Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

SINGING VOICE If your girlfriend doesn't appreciate you after sitting through this movie... Then you

should really rethink your relationship.

HONEST VOICE Les Miserables.