Name: What NOT To Say To A Disabled Person [CC]
Uploaded: 2020-03-27T19:02:25.000Z
Duration: 7 min 50 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

I was reading through many of your comments on the video I released last week about living

with dietary requirements and I realised-

- so many of you reported having family members who just say the most DREADFUL things. So

I’m going to make two videos: What NOT to say to your disabled relative and what you

Make sure you’ve subscribed and once you’ve done that hit your notifications so you don’t

I’m posting the NOT first because (A) it’s always funnier and (B) I think it’s helpful

to clear the gumph away so we have space for what is good.

Obviously I’m young and disabled so this is from that point of view but I’m pretty

sure I’ll still find all of these things irritating when I’m older.

Although I’m saying ‘relative’ that could also be substituted for ‘friend’

and when I say ‘disabled’ I’m including mental illness and chronic illness. Because,

funnily enough, being inclusive is actually pretty great and the only thing I need to

“Are you sure you can’t eat that???”

99% positive that you don’t know my body better than my doctor does (always allowing

for a margin of professional error) and 100% positive you don’t know my body better than

Generally ‘are you sure?’ is an overwhelmingly irritating thing to ask. It’s okay to be

confused about something: medical things get really complex. I don’t expect any of my

cousins- or even my dad actually- to be able to name my full diagnosis-

- it’s Hereditary Neuropathy with Liability to Pressure Palsies and Mixed Connective Tissue

Disorder and associated Postural Tachycardia Syndrome!

So no, you don’t have to know everything. But you DO have to have the basic manners

Unless you also happen to actually BE a medical specialist in your relative’s condition.

In which case… you can still be polite about it.

“You look too thin, it’s really sad.”

Ill people are allowed to look ill and not have it brought up every five minutes. I went

through a stage of looking like I was dying because… I was. I was also aware of that.

If someone comes to your family party looking unwell but they’ve also clearly put effort

into making their hair look good: [Clapping]The. only. Thing. You comment on. is. The. hair.

I’ve actually already made a video about this one. You can find it in the card up here…

It may seem like it’s a nice thing to say and you’re probably asking with the best

of intentions… but it can be quite an upsetting thing for someone to hear.

I mean ‘Yet’ is a very loaded word. Consider:

‘Have you unloaded the dishwasher yet?’ meaning both (A) I don’t think you have

But ‘have you unloaded the dishwasher?’ purely means you don’t know the answer.

Try a simple ‘how are you feeling?’ instead.

“Your mum told me you’re better now!”

Family gossip isn’t always accurate and if you’re getting your info from another

source it may just be because you’re too embarrassed or think it will be awkward to

talk to the actual person. Most people are actually quite happy to tell you how they’re

As long as you don’t ask them to recite a Wikipedia article you could have read yourself!

So get your news from the source with a simple ‘how are you doing lately?’

Have you tried taking a long walk off a short plank?

I suppose this question is okay if you’re in the middle of an intense conversation and

the person is already explaining things to you or venting but…

Also consider ‘is it progressive’ (meaning will the condition get worse over time) rather

than just jumping straight in with some death. Which is rather a confronting thing to be

asked! Either; ‘yes’, and you’ve just brought it up AGAIN which is obviously upsetting;

or ‘yes, slowly’, which isn’t actually less upsetting; or ‘no but now I feel like

you’re only going to consider my condition valid if it DOES kill me…’

Sharing genes or legal status with a person does not entitle you to turn them into your

“Are you sure it’s not from looking at screens too much?”

...I mean… it could also be the black cat that walked across my path yesterday so…

“Wow, you have something else as well?”

It may shock you to learn that almost 75% of disabled people have more than one impairment.

One of my mother’s favourite sayings is “people with cancer catch colds”, generally

in response to my complaining about getting yet another illness. When you body is out

Also, creating a hierarchy of privilege and worthiness around disability is a horrific

“Oh we all feel like that sometimes…”

Because, Aunty Susan, if you do, you should probably see my doctor…

It might seem like a nice thing to say and that you’re relating to the person but things

like ‘oh we all have our down days’ or ‘I have a really bad memory too’ are actually

really belittling and hurtful when someone has just opened themselves up in a very vulnerable

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What NOT To Say To A Disabled Person [CC]

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