But all the comments got to say me.

It was all the same stuff all the time.

How do you start a YouTube channel?

What is your real name?

Why are the answers to life?

I don't know.

So that would be fun if we just did a personal Q and A.

I'm also curious to see how what people think personal is.

So I put this up a while ago, and I picked out some of what I thought were the best questions.

But hindsight's 2020 so we'll see if I actually picked decent ones.

What was your most embarrassing moment in your life?

You get some of those questions, were you?

You feel like you should have an answer off the tip of your tone because so many people have asked you and it's such a It's a question that a lot of people get asked.

But I can never think about the most embarrassing time.

Or maybe I just blanked it out.

At this point, maybe there's some or embarrassing things that have happened that I just can't think of.

But for me to come to mind, the 1st 1 is the story about when I shit my pence.

I told you guys some of this story before.

Maybe I'll do a story time on this one.

But shit.

My pants went home, pants full of shit, puked all over myself and then hold my mom at the door because I was drinking a lot, and then the other one wasn't.

As I told this one on tour, it was.

One of the jokes in the tour was when I was a young wee lad in Ireland and I was an altar boy and I had to handle collection plates for the money during communion and I couldn't find they're always in the same place and I couldn't find them.

Everyone in the church stared at me.

They were just looking at me, and I had no idea what to do.

And that was the first time I ever felt like my whole body shut down.

I think it was the first time ever felt anxiety, and I was like, what, 8 to 10 years old?

I started Yo, have you ever been in a situation where there's a big opportunity landed to you, but you never took it and you regretted not getting it sooner?

Yeah, there's been a ton of stuff from earlier in YouTube that I turned down when the channel was really like kicking off and getting a Tony Sobs every month.

There was a lot of stuff that came to me with a lot of big opportunities and a lot of money and different things like that.

A lot of sponsorship deals that I turned down because back then, sponsorship for as like, readily apparent on YouTube as the era.

Now, like everyone to sponsorships these days, most channels are actually funded almost solely by sponsorships at this point, So it's not that weird.

But at the time, I was really scared about doing anything like that because I thought that people would look at me weirdly.

I thought that people would call me a sellout, different things like that.

So there was a ton of stuff today.

I turned down there was some stuff like mobile games that offered just shit tons of money.

What games have way too much money?

I don't know how the fuck they're making all this money.

I'm not to say that money was like a huge thing that I really needed, but at the time, it really would have helped a lot of the stuff that I was trying to do on bike, getting different projects done and everything.

And some other people came with some cool ideas that I turned down because I don't know, I was so focused on my schedule that I didn't want Thio break away from it.

Do all these different things because I was like, No, this is my thing.

I'm good at this and I'm gonna keep doing it until people get bored of it.

But some of that stuff I could have done alongside of what I was already doing.

So any younger creators are there, like, don't be afraid to branch out and do different things.

If it fits what you're actually doing, then it shouldn't matter.

I think your audience will understand When was the darkest moment of your life And how did you get out of it?

I think my darkest time ever was well three years ago.

Now, December 2017 s Oh, about two years ago.

I I stayed at home alone for Christmas and there's so many things going on in my life.

At that point, I was at a junction where I didn't really know what I was doing.

I my relationships personal and like, professional.

We're kind of all over the place.

I didn't really know what I wanted.

I didn't over I was going at it over.

I stood with some people on Dhe.

I say they're home alone for Christmas, and I I just subbed for, like, two or three days almost solidly.

That was the first time I ever felt really depressed, like, actually depressed.

There's all those moments were you're gonna in a funk or your sides and you're like I am I depressed.

No, I don't think so.

But this is the first time I'm like, man, I'm fucking miserable.

I do not know what is going on.

And that was that was gonna be a personal Q and A So let's get into it a little bit.

That was That was the first time I ever truly thought about killing myself.

Died sitting at home.

At that point, I was like, What?

Anyone even miss me would Would it all just go away if I did this one thing and I entertain that thought not for very long.

But when that came into my head, I kind of snapped out of it.

And I thought to myself, This is not normal for me.

This is the first time that that ever actually, because everyone thinks morbid thoughts every now and then, there's a morbid curiosity in humans.

We all have it like what would happen if I drove off this like bridge or things like that.

But this is the first time that I actually actively entertained the thought and that that it's in and of itself kind of snapped me out of it because I thought I I don't think like this.

This is not me.

I am not in my right mind right now.

And I had a really big, long reflective periods in like that week, and I kind of just said to myself like, What have I done?

What have I accomplished?

Who am I basically on?

What do I want to do next?

And as I started writing these things down and really thinking on them and ruminating on them, I started to realize that things weren't as bad as I thought they were on this.

It won't work for everybody.

And I highly suggest that if you have these types of thoughts and they linger on, you're really struggling.

I definitely recommend talking to people and seeking professional help.

I was looking in the in the fact that when I sat down and really thought about it, I realized that things were not as bad as they thought they were.

I had accomplished more than I was giving myself credit for.

I have more stuff coming up that I could have potentially tapped into and really run with that I was really excited about.

So again, it didn't last that long, but that was the first time when I was like at my darkest at my lowest, and I really didn't know what I was going to do on.

That's kind of heard the PM a stuff sprung up from that.

It just turned out to be a mentality where I was like No, just it was like my mantra every day to be like, No, just try your best, keep going and get through it and things will work out and it took a really long time.

It didn't just happen.

I didn't just go o p a May hay.

It took about eight tonight months to really get back into a positive space.

So 2017 was like my worst year.

And then 2018 was still pretty shit.

But I tried to 03 I tried to make the most out of it and work through it and then 2019 got better.

And I'm in a much, much better place.

Um, so any of you going through that kind of stuff?

I relate.

I get it.

But please talk to somebody about it.

I should have talked to somebody about it a lot sooner than when I felt it.

So please talk to people.

Please seek out help.

Because again, these things do pass.

Things do always get better.

It just takes a lot of effort and a lot of time sometimes.

But they do get better.

I've ever had a fear of growing up.

Like when you were in school.

Did you ever think I have no idea.

What I'm going to do is an adult.

And that terrifies me asking for for him?

Yes, I think everybody has that.

At some point, I think that that is absolutely human and absolutely normal.

The problem is that no one talks about it, especially on social media.

No one ever talks about this shit because it makes you look weak.

And it makes you look like you don't know what you're doing while everyone else looks like they know exactly what they're doing.

So people all shut down and don't talk about stuff.

But yes, of course.

I've had a fear of, like, growing up.

It was more a fear of like Jesus like you said, Like, What the fuck am I gonna do?

I have no idea.

When I started off YouTube, that's that was the second darkest time of my life was I went to college for music production, and again, I've told this story a lot before, But I went to college for music production and I dropped out after two years because I didn't know what I was doing.

It felt dome.

I felt like I had no friends, and they were all better at it.

I did have friends.

I just projected that I had known and kind of made up excuses for myself not to go.

Um And then when I got home, I realized, God, what am I going to do next?

I went on lake social welfare.

I was on benefits.

I didn't wanna work.

I didn't know what was going on on DDE.

That really scared me because I thought, This is it.

This is my life.

I'm going to become an absolute nobody and just do nothing with my life.

Being a nobody is not bad.

But at the time I felt like I had been in, like, a band and everything.

I was going to music production.

I thought, it's going to do all these great things.

And then when that fell apart, I thought nothing was going toe get better from that point.

But I started doing YouTube then and that ignited a passion in me that really made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile, not not even like a capacity for a job or a career or money or anything like that.

It was just really fulfilling to do day after day, and I felt like I was doing something better with my time than sitting at home and just playing video games all day, every day.

And I think what I learned out of all of that was that I got purpose on drive and motivation.

Those were the three things that I lacked severely.

Confidence was also one.

I was very insecure back then, about like my my smartness on DDE what I could actually accomplish.

And they're all my friends.

Seems so much smarter than I was, and I didn't know what I was going to do and why was I don't And they weren't motivation and purpose and drive to do anything or so severely lacked on getting that in YouTube.

And I went back to college again for hotel management and just really tried to get things back on track to try to do something better.

But when you're younger and you're in school and everything like, no one ever has that shit figured out, you never know what it's gonna be like to go out into the real world.

And even when you are in the real world should changes all the time.

Life is tricky.

Life is complicated, in life is very complex, and it's not the same for every single person.

Despite again stuff like social media will show you that.

Oh, everyone's doing so much better on everyone has stuff figured out everything so much smarter than I am and things like that.

But don't let that should get in your head.

Just do what you gotta do, do what's best for you and do what you want to dio to the best of your ability is not.

All of us can do what we want to do because we're limited by time, money, location, friends, whatever.

But just try your best and do what you think is best for you.

And if it doesn't end up being the best for