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  • My resolution is to be less obsessed with being neat and clean.

  • Really?

  • Hmm.

  • Noooooooo!!!!!!

  • Or something else.

  • Oh, look! Claire forgot her glasses!

  • And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who from I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.

  • Hey Rach, maybe your resolution should be to, um, gossip less.

  • I don't gossip!

  • Maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on, y'know, kinda like a public service,

  • it doesn't mean I'm a gossip.

  • I mean, would you call Ted Kopel a gossip?

  • Well, if Ted Kopel talked about his coworkers botched boob jobs, yeah, I would.

  • What? They were like this!

  • All right. Okay. Fine, fine.

  • My new year's resolution will be not to gossip!

  • It's easy.

  • Easy?

  • You have never kept a resolution.

  • Yes, I have!

  • Okay, let's see how you did last year.

  • No, no, not my diary.

  • No, you cannot read my diary.

  • "Dear Diary, I am so excited."

  • "My resolution is to write in you every day."

  • "I'll see you tomorrow."

  • Nothing.

  • Well, you know, not a lot happened last year.

  • All right, all right, I'll prove to you that I can keep it this time: No more gossiping!

  • I hate gossip.

  • In junior high, this girl said a lot of mean stuff about me, and I set her bike on fire.

  • Oh, what did she say about you?

  • She said I was crazy.

  • Well, I guess she got hers.

My resolution is to be less obsessed with being neat and clean.

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