Never in a 1,000,000 years did I think I would be standing here on this stage.

But I also thought I would never go skydiving or let my kids eat processed foods.

All of those Nevers big and small.

I mean, we all say it right.

Never.

But why?

What makes us say we would never do this or that?

And what possibilities are limited to us by saying it?

I first discovered the power of the word never.

When I decided to open my own marketing agency, I had said countless times that I never would.

And yet there I was three years ago, hanging my shingle.

What changed fromthe life changing Nevers to the silly Nevers we all say flippantly.

Why had I said never to so many possibilities and then gone on to do the thing I said I never would.

And what about the times I'm still hanging on to my never?

How is that limiting me?

What I found in this reflection is that there are two reasons we say.

Never.

One.

It is because we are afraid or two.

It is because we do not have enough information.

There's a lot of research done on the power of language to shape our realities or even create emotion.

One study I found particularly interesting was done by researchers from the University of Wisconsin Madison, and it is titled Language can boost otherwise unseen objects into visual awareness.

The study suggests the power of language alter perceptions.

Now I found this particularly interesting because if you perceive something as scary, innovative, new, different, silly, then you may place a never in front of it to protect yourself.

In the study, participants were more likely to accurately say that they saw a chair amongst a bunch of other visual noise if they were told the word chair before the study began, perceptual systems like Vision, which was studied in this research, taken information and then organize it within the context of what we already know and expect.

Oftentimes, we are able to take what we know and what we expect, and we reorganize it to create a more positive perception of our world.

This is often known as top down processing are up brain, or prefrontal cortex, takes that new and more positive information and sends it to our down brain or subconscious, where implicit memories are formed and stored.

This can then create a more positive and optimistic view of the world.

One of the researchers involved in the study said that studies like this are helping us show that language plays a big part in shaping perceptual systems.

Acting as a top down signal to perceptual processes, the study suggests the power of language to change or alter our perceptions.

In reality, our view of optimism can be changed with a single word like yes, conversely, award like never could put a halting no in our minds and closed off that avenue.

Once I realized that my Nevers were rooted in fear or not having enough information, I started to impact some of the more significant declarations I had made.

The 1st 1 was starting a business.

Fear was behind this never.

I was terrified of not being good enough, not succeeding, being overwhelmed or letting people down.

But I also didn't have enough information.

How do you even start a business with the state?

How do you get a license?

How do you do?

Bookkeeping and taxes and payroll fear can distort our realities.

Often we filled a void of what we do not know with fear.

Psychologist Albert Ellis developed a term for this called awful.

A zing awful izing is when we imagine the worst possible scenario because we just don't know what could happen.

In my case I went from, Maybe I'll start this business, too.

Oh my God, when I do.

And if I fail and I let everyone down and I'll be so embarrassing, it'll just be awful.

I awful eyes myself right out of that opportunity and then put a never in front of it to protect myself from going down that path.

The 2nd 1 I looked at was being a parent.

Parents in here can all relate to the stories we tell ourselves about.

Our kids are never gonna do this or that, and then our kids decide to go and do or be that exactly.

This is fear speaking, because we are afraid of that, never afraid of what could be in if we could handle it.

Kids will especially keep you humble around your Nevers.

How many new parents in here said they would never let their kids watch more than our screen time a day.

Yes, this is not having enough information saying Never can limit your resource is as a parent, but even worse, it can stifle your kid's ability to grow their little personalities.

If not, having enough information is the root of your never that can change with time, age or experience.

Many of the Nevers from a younger version of myself have done a complete 1 80 because I got more information to make better choices or go down.

Unseen paths oftentimes are Nevers Comm pigeonhole us into a set of behaviors and beliefs.

But growth and change is a human is inevitable, so we must be open toe never from 10 years ago.

Being an always now, I also really found that there's power into clearing something out loud.

When I declared my never statement bigger, small, I was tryingto will it into public domain trying to make it so.

It was a defense or protection mechanism, because if I say I will never that will never That's it.

I have made my stance.

No, I do not have to think about it anymore, But the opposite seems to happen.

How many of you have said never and the universe said, We'll see.

Life has a way of making you face your fear or lack of information that made you say never.

You have to figure it out, go down a different path and eventually grow.

One of the more unexpected results of this journey has been how hyper aware it's made me of other people saying Ever when I do hear someone say it, I pause and ask them, Are you saying that because you're afraid of something, or is there something we need to explore?

This happened most recently at a party, and I was talking with a friend and she said she was never gonna take this high profile supervisor role at her company.

I paused, and I asked her why.

She said that and explain to her my theory.

And it turns out she had been offered the rule but was planning on turning it down because she was not given specifics on the time commitment needed to do the role effectively.

What type of support she was going to get from management and higher ups, and also how was this going to affect her personal or family life?

All of those kinds of things you need to consider when you're looking at a role like this after we started to talk for a little while, that protective blanket have never started to fade, and she started to get excited about the career possibilities that it could open.

Moreover, she had a complete list of what she needed to find out, and she knew what she was open to, and she knew what things were a deal breaker.

The biggest takeaway for me in this whole journey is not just understanding the reasons we say never, but understanding how many possibilities are limited by saying Never.

Just think of my friend and her promotion or me starting my own business, the things we could have missed out on if we had chosen to hide behind the protective blanket of that negative Absolute.

Just think of one of the best love Dr Seuss books of all time green eggs and ham.

That whole book, the one we already as a child and now Rita our kids, is about daring to live a life full of possibility and that the never attitude limits the experience.

You may like them.

You will see you may like them in a tree.

Eliminating never from your vocabulary gives you the freedom to live a life full of possibility, saying that you would never do or experience.

Something can close off that avenue in your own mind.

But what's possible if you remove that barrier, how could you?

What could you accomplish?

What could you do or discover?

How could you grow?

In my case, the thing that started this whole journey by saying I wasn't never gonna open a business and then doing it has been the best thing I've ever done for myself, my career or my family.

All of those Nevers went away as I got more information and went for it, and it has been more successful in freeing than I could have hoped.

Well, I'm still working on eliminating never from my vocabulary.

I have come a long way.

I challenge you to also recognize when you or others say, never pause and ask probing questions to see if the root of that statement ISS fear or not having enough information and the times were you or others are still holding on to that.

Never see what's possible if you remove that barrier and do the thing through this journey, I have become a better version of myself by not saying never or at least evaluating.

When I do compulsively say it, I have become more open, more daring and more thoughtful.

So the next time you say never or you hear someone else say positive thing, Am I saying never to this possibility?

Because I'm afraid or because I don't have enough information.

If you can eliminate that never by filling in the blank of what you're scared off or what you need to explore, then your possibilities are no longer limited.

Thank you.