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  • Hey!

  • Conan O'Brien here.

  • I hope everyone watching this, right now, is being safe.

  • I hope you're washing your hands, and I hope like me, you're hunkered down at home.

  • I thought maybe I could be of some help, by offering a life hack.

  • Lot of people out there are worried, right now, about toilet paper.

  • People are going to stores, and they seem to want more toilet paper than they could ever use in a six-year period, if they had continual diarrhea.

  • And now it's gone!

  • It's all gone and people are panicking.

  • I'm here to assure you, there are many things around the house you can use instead of toilet paper that work just as well.

  • For example, CVS receipts.

  • CVS receipts are long.

  • This was for just six tic tacs I bought.

  • I never throw them away, 'cause I knew this day would come.

  • Also, we all have these around the house, Valpak.

  • Valpak coupons.

  • I know you never really use them.

  • Now, look at that, you can clean yourself with colorful coupons.

  • You probably have some stocks around the house, that aren't really worth as much as they used to be.

  • These are mostly stocks I bought for Carnival Cruise Line.

  • That laugh was too hard and too long.

  • I apologize.

  • You can use souvenir t-shirts.

  • T-shirts someone gave you, you don't value, you hate them, you can't get rid of them.

  • I have thousands of these.

  • So I've been wiping my ass with these 24/7.

  • Another thing, souvenir baseball caps, like this one.

  • You're thinking: "Baseball cap, how does that work, Conan?"

  • You take your fist.

  • You put it in the ball of the hat, right there.

  • You jam that up in the area, and you work it around.

  • Just work that around!

  • Works better than toilet paper.

  • Really clean it, clean it well!

  • One thing I would not recommend.

  • Marshmallow Peeps.

  • Trust me.

  • It's not pleasant, and you end up kind of feeling bad for the little chick.

  • Finally.

  • We all have them, pretentious coffee table books.

  • I've had this on my coffee table for nine years.

  • I don't know who De Kooning is!

  • What is that?

  • That's not art!

  • Wipe your ass with it.

  • That's my life hack.

  • I hope it's of use to you.

  • Stay well, take care, we'll talk to you soon.

Hey!

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B1 US TeamCoco toilet paper toilet paper life hack coffee table

Conan’s Toilet Paper Life Hacks

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    lauren.huang posted on 2020/05/24
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