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Here we will speak about the etiquette of the holiday meal.
Here are the ingredients of the meal.
The flesh of a dead bird.
These are brussel sprouts: they are nature's turd.
They taste like tiny turds.
This is what you do with brussel sprouts.
It is good etiquette.
This is stuffing: it is made of bread and vegetables.
It is called stuffing because it was stuffed into the anus of a dead bird.
Delicious.
A legume... Billy has made a penis out of the legume.
That is bad etiquette.
Billy should be sent to his room.
By contrast, here Billy makes a penis on accident.
He quickly fixes his mistake; that is good etiquette.
Now you don't have to go to your room, Billy.
Here are cranberries and a mash of potato.
What has Billy hidden under his mash? Look, it's the cranberry.
He is being silly.
Look at the nice way that Billy has arranged his food on the plate.
Now he has arranged it by colors...he is being creative.
Look, Billy is not very hungry now and he still makes a nice plate.
Look at the tiny bites he has made.
Now he has made a food pyramid.
Billy has no friends.
He has separated his food. He is an obsessive.
Maybe he writes computer programs.
Billy is acting like an idiot. He is playing with his food.
He has made a bad drawing on his plate.
Billy needs therapy.
He has made a nice drawing. Billy doesn't need therapy now.
Here is the correct way of using your eating utensil.
This is the wrong way. This is bad etiquette.
Billy makes a divot in his mash for his gravy.
He is sexually frustrated.
Billy went on a date. Look at how he applies his gravy now.
Now Billy is addicted to pornography.
He doesn't like the salad. It reminds him of death.
Now it's time for pie. Billy takes a small piece.
How much is left? How much pie is left?
Here is a graph. May I have some whip please?
Billy is still addicted to pornography.
He is finished now, and he sees things on his messy plate.
Billy sees the devil.
Now he sees something different.
He is hallucinating now.
The meal is now done, and Billy says
"Happy Holidays."
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Thanksgiving Etiquette

2193 Folder Collection
蔡政 published on January 25, 2014    Clément translated    Carol Chen reviewed
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