Name: “Porch Pirates” Steal Holiday Packages | The Daily Show
Uploaded: 2020-03-15T04:52:43.000Z
Duration: 4 min 42 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

it seems like everything is getting delivered

and her baby showed up in an Amazon envelope.

Yeah. They saved on hospital bills and free shipping.

But if you're one of the millions of people

waiting for a holiday package to be delivered to you,

because some assholes are coming to town.

Tonight, porch pirates are striking across the country,

just as a record number of deliveries are being made.

Captured on camera but not always caught by police,

more than 1.7 million packages are stolen or go missing

every day, 90,000 in New York City alone,

an astonishing $25 million in lost goods and services

I mean, I only steal, like, two or three a week,

why is the news calling them "porch pirates"?

Don't be making people sound cooler than they are.

A real porch pirate would attack your porch with a crew

Yeah. The house would still be yours, but every morning

you'd have to swashbuckle your way to your car.

Be like, "Aargh! You win this time, Steve!

But we'll see you when the sun sets! Arrgh!"

"Actually, I have a lot of work, so I'm gonna be home late."

And the police have come up with a few novel solutions

NEWSWOMAN: The rampant theft has the sheriff's department

in Washington County, Oregon, going on offense,

to catch culprits and deter potential criminals.

Once the package is picked up, police use

you have your packages sent to the police station for pickup.

and we ask you to come pick it up within three days.

A place where you keep your packages secure

don't get me wrong, it's nice that the police are helping,

but I'm gonna be honest, I think the police already have

Police have to solve crimes, they have to direct traffic,

they have to find shelter for the homeless,

they have to do social work, answer white ladies calling 911.

So what, you're gonna have cops coming up to your car window

like, "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?" "Uh..."

"'Cause we got these new boots you're gonna love!"

to stop package theft, but in many cases,

you're gonna want to call Animal Control as well.

NEWSWOMAN: A Los Angeles homeowner can rest easy

after learning who was stealing packages from his front door.

Surveillance video caught this sneaky squirrel in the act,

grabbing an Amazon package and dragging it away.

It appears the porch pirate has been pretty active.

The owner says he frequently finds his packages

in the bushes around the apartment complex.

I bet you thought it would be, like, a raccoon

'cause they look like criminals with that mask,

squirrels and raccoons steal at the same rate,

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“Porch Pirates” Steal Holiday Packages | The Daily Show

privilege

grab

epidemic

applause