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  • -Mike Pence is in charge of handling the coronavirus.

  • In fact, he released a PSA today to help calm everybody down.

  • Here. Take a look.

  • -Hello. I'm Mike Pence.

  • And I want to talk to you about coronavirus.

  • I am the Vice President, the ambassador to heaven,

  • and now Trump's little science boy.

  • It's true, the President has put me in charge of coronavirus.

  • So there's no need to panic or even...blink.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Luckily, we can already see the white at the end of the tunnel.

  • Today, President Trump allocated

  • $8.3 billion to disease prevention.

  • That's one dollar for every sin

  • that's been committed at a Cher concert.

  • And, fortunately, I understand viruses...

  • or, as I call them, little nose Satans.

  • So everything will be cool as milk

  • as long as we follow a few tips...

  • like, instead of saying, "Bless you,"

  • start saying, "God bless you."

  • Wash your hands frequently.

  • And don't touch yourself. Not even in the shower.

  • If you're feeling sick, call your exorcist right away.

  • Avoid personal contact, even with your spouse.

  • That's why Mother and I haven't touched in years.

  • And if you have to cough, don't.

  • That's just the Holy Spirit slipping out of you.

  • Coronavirus is affecting all Americans.

  • Even I had to cancel

  • my Leviticus on the Sea Bible cruise.

  • But if we stay calm, everything will be all white.

  • I mean all right. All right.

  • I'm Mike pence, and I bless this message.

  • [ Applause ]

  • I'm gonna be the fall guy for this, aren't I?

  • He's gonna go with Nikki Haley, right?

  • All righty, then. Mother, pack our bags!

-Mike Pence is in charge of handling the coronavirus.

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Vice President Mike Pence's Coronavirus PSA

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/03/07
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