B1 Intermediate US 111 Folder Collection
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CATHOLICS.
HAVE YOU GIVEN ANYTHING UP FOR
LENT?
>> Guillermo: WEED, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: WHEAT?
DID YOU SAY WHEAT?
>> Guillermo: NO, I SAID SMOKING
WEED.
>> Jimmy: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU
DID THAT.
IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
TO GIVE UP FOR THE NEXT 40 DAYS.
POPE FRANCIS HAS AN IDEA.
HE'S ENCOURAGED US TO STOP
INSULTING PEOPLE ONLINE.
IT'S A TIME TO GIVE UP USELESS
WORDS, GOSSIP, RUMORS,
TITTLE-TATTLE.
I'M WITH HIM ON ALL BUT THE
TIT
TIT
TITTLE-TATTLE.
PLEASE, STOP MEAN TWEETING THE
POPE.
SEND HIM A DIRECT MESSAGE IF YOU
MUST.
I HOPE THE POPE DIDN'T WATCH THE
DEBATE LAST NIGHT.
BECAUSE THE DEMOCRATS ENGAGED IN
A GOOD DEAL OF TITTLE-TATTLE.
THIS IS WHAT YOU MISSED.
[ TALKING SIMULTANEOUSLY ]
>> FIGHTING FOR MY [ BLEEP ]
LIFE.
SO TELL ME [ BLEEP ].
>> WATCHING THE DEMOCRATIC
DEBATE RIGHT HERE ON CBS.
>> Jimmy: I THINK SENATOR KELLY
HAS A SHOT.
FOR A LOT OF THESE CANDIDATES,
IT WAS DESPERATION TIME.
THIS WAS THEIR LAST SHOT.
THEY WERE WAVING THEIR HANDS IN
THE AIR LIKE THEY JUST DON'T
CARE.
AND IN A WAY, IT HELPED
MODERATORS KEEP IT MOVING.
♪ ♪
>> A FEW KEY DEBATE QUESTIONS
BEFORE WE START, TO SAVE TIME
PLEASE ANSWER BY RAISING YOUR
HAND.
DOES EVERYONE UNDERSTAND?
GREAT.
DID EVERYONE USE THE BATHROOM?
DOES ANYONE STILL NEED TO USE
THE BATHROOM?
SENATOR SANDERS, YOU'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO HOLD IT.
OKAY.
WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO TELL MAYOR
BLOOMBERG TO SCREW HIMSELF?
VERY GOOD.
AND WHO ORDERED THE PASTRAMI?
THE CAVIAR?
A JAR OF MAYONNAISE?
THIS SALAD WITH A COMB IN IT?
SENATOR KLOBUCHAR.
LASTLY, IS THERE ANYONE WHO
KNOWS THEY SHOULDN'T BE HERE?
THANK YOU.
GOOD-BYE.
OKAY, THEN.
LET'S BEGIN.
♪ ♪
>> Jimmy: MIKE BLOOMBERG HAD A
BETTER SHOWING THAN HE DID AT
THE LAST DEBATE AND SOMEHOW
MANAGED TO BUY TWO COMMERCIALS
DURING THE DEBATE.
MIKE BLOOMBERG HAS NOW PUT MORE
THAN $500 MILLION INTO HIS
CAMPAIGN.
EVEN FE DOEIF HE DOESN'T WIN TH
NOMINATION HE SAYS HE'S PREPARED
TO SPEND MORE TO BEAT DONALD
TRUMP.
TEAM SANDERS SAYS TAKING MONEY
FROM BLOOMBERG IS A HARD NO.
HAS ANY NO FROM SANDERS EVER
BEEN A SOFT NO?
HE GIVES A HARD NO TO
TRICK-OR-TREATERS.
WE HAVE NO SUGAR DADDIES!
WHAT IF BERNIE TOOK $300,000
FROM BLOOMBERG HOOKED UP WITH A
STRIPPER AND MOVED TO THE CAYMAN
ISLANDS.
TRUMP WOULD BE SO JEALOUS FOR
SURE.
THIS DEBATE WAS ALL OVER THE
NEWS NATIONALLY, BUT ESPECIALLY
IN SOUTH CAROLINA.
AND I WANT TO CONGRATULATE
DANIELLE SEAT OF THE WMBF NEWS
TEAM IN MYRTLE BEACH WHOSE
COVERAGE OF THE DEBATE MADE HER
THIS WEEK'S WINNER OF THE AWARD
FOR EXCELLENCE IN REPORTING.
>> GREAT TV'S DANIELLE SEAT
JOINS US FROM CHARLESTON WITH
WHAT WE NEED TO KNOW AHEAD OF
TONIGHT.
GOOD MORNING, DANIELLE.
>> [ BLEEP ].
>> WELL, ALL EYES WILL CERTAINLY
BE ON CHARLESTON.
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, HER HAIR
LOOKED GOOD.
AND THAT'S WHAT REALLY MATTERS.
THE BIG WINNER LAST NIGHT AT THE
DEBATE, ACCORDING TO DONALD
TRUMP, WAS DONALD TRUMP.
THE PRESIDENT WATCHED THE
DEBATES ON HIS WAY HOME FROM
INDIA.
HE'S FLYING JETBLUE, AND THEY
HAVE THE TV.
THIS MORNING HE TAPPED OUT A
TWO-PART REVIEW.
PART TWO SAID POCAHONTAS WAS
MEAN AND UNDISCIPLINED, MOSTLY
AIMING AT CRAZY BERNIE AND MINI
MIKE.
THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE
HER, BUT I KNOW SHE IS A
CHOCKER.
HE MISSPELLED CHOKER.
I THINK HE WAS QUOTING HIS OWN
MISSPELLING FROM 2018 WHEN HE
CALLED MARCO RUBIO A CHOCKER.
OR MAYBE HE WAS JOCKING.
I DON'T KNOW.
AND THEN THE VICE POODLE PILED
ON THE DEMOCRATS.
MIKE PENCE WAS IN MICHIGAN LAST
NIGHT AT A KEEP AMERICA GREAT
RALLY, SPEAKING TO A GROUP OF
FARMERS FOR WHOM HE COMPARED
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE
DEMOCRATS RIGHT NOW TO A
DEMOLITION DERBY.
>> I MEAN, I GREW UP IN A SMALL
TOWN.
COUNTY FAIR COMES TO TOWN,
RIGHT?
EVERYBODY WITH THE CRUMMIEST
CARS IN TOWN WOULD DRIVE THEM
INTO THE INFIELD AND CRASH THEM
INTO EACH OTHER UNTIL ONLY ONE
WAS DRIVING.
SO NOW YOU HAVE ALL THESE
DEMOCRATS WITH THE CRUMMIEST
IDEAS IN POLITICS SMASHING INTO
EACH OTHER AND EVENTUALLY,
THERE'LL STILL BE ONE RUNNING.
BUT I THINK WE ALL KNOW HOW THIS
IS GOING TO END.
THERE'S GOING TO BE A MONSTER
TRUCK WITH A T ON THE HOOD
THAT'S GOING TO DRIVE INTO THE
INFIELD AND ROLL OVER THE TOP OF
THEM!
>> Jimmy: THAT'S JUST WHAT THE
COUNTRY NEEDS RIGHT NOW, A
MONSTER TRUCK ROLLING OVER TOP
OF US.
LONG LIVE PRESIDENT
TRUCK-A-SAURUS.
THIS CORONAVIRUS IS STARTING TO
MAKE PEOPLE NERVOUS.
THIS COULD BE THE FASTEST
SPREADING VIRUS FROM ASIA SINCE
"GANGNAM STYLE," WHICH IS SCARY.
IT'S ALREADY HAVING AN IMPACT
LOCALLY, EVEN THE MASKED SINGER
IS WEARING AN EXTRA MASK NOW.
WE DO OUR SHOW IN THE HEART OF
HOLLYWOOD.
AND THIS IS A PLACE TEEMING WITH
THE DIRTIEST SUPER HEROES.
WE'RE IN PRIME CORONA ZONEA
RIGHT HERE.
HEALTH OFFICIALS ARE WARNING TO
AVOID PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH
OTHER PEOPLE.
PEOPLE IN JAPAN ARE LESS AT RISK
BECAUSE THEIR TRADITIONAL
GREETING IS A BOW.
WE, FOR WHATEVER REASON, ARE
STICKING WITH THE HAND SHAKE.
I'M GIVING UP THE HANDSHAKE FOR
LENT.
IT DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOING TO BE
NOT FRIENDLY.
I CAME UP WITH THE PATELLA
HELLO.
LET'S SAY GUILLERMO AND I HAVE
RUN INTO EACH OTHER ON THE
STREET, AND I SAY HELLO,
GUILLERMO, RIGHT?
IT'S GOOD.
AND THEN IF WE REALLY, IT'S LIKE
A FIST BUMP WITH YOUR KNEE, AND
IF YOU REALLY LIKE SOMEBODY, SAY
HELLO, GUILLERMO.
THERE YOU GO.
GO BACK TO YOUR SPOT.
AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO, AND ALL
YOU HAVE TO DO AT THE END OF THE
DAY IS MAKE SURE TO WASH YOUR
PANTS, THAT'S ALL.
THE PRESIDENT IS DOING
EVERYTHING HE CAN TO CALM THIS
NATION'S NERVES.
THIS MORNING HE TWEETED MY
FELLOW AMERICANS, WHILE I KNOW
THIS IS AN UNEASY TIME, TRUST
THAT YOUR REPRESENTATIVES IN
WASHINGTON ARE WORKING AROUND
THE CLOCK WITH THE WORLD'S BEST
SCIENTISTS TO PROTECT YOU AND
YOUR FAMILY FROM THIS TERRIBLE
DISEASE.
WHEN WE BAND TOGETHER WE ARE
STRONG.
HE DIDN'T WRITE THAT?
OH, LOW RATINGS FAKENESS MSDNC,
COMCAST, AND CNN ARE DOING
EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO MAKE THE
CORONAVIRUS LOOK AS BAD AS
POSSIBLE.
WHY IS THE MEDIA ONLY FOCUSSING
ON THE NEGATIVE SIDE OF THE
CORONAVIRUS?
IT'S SO BIASSED.
THIS IS PART OF HIS, IF YOU
CAN'T SPELL IT YOU CAN'T CATCH
IT CAMPAIGN.
HE'S ESPECIALLY WORRIED ABOUT
THIS, NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE
STOCK MARKET WHICH IS KEY TO HIS
REELECTION BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE
REALIZED HOW HARD IT WILL BE TO
EAT A BACON CHEESEBURGER THROUGH
A FACE MASK.
TODAY HE HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE
TO AGAIN REASSURE US THAT HE HAS
THIS VIRUS COMPLETELY UNDER
CONTROL.
[ INDISCERNIBLE ]
>> Jimmy: HE GAVE A RAMBLING
PRESENTATION TODAY.
OF COURSE HE CONGRATULATED
HIMSELF FOR HIS ACTIONS SO FAR.
AND HE DOWN-PLAYED THE VIRUS.
HE SAID THE BLFLU KILLS A LOT ME
PEOPLE THAN THE CORONAVIRUS.
I DON'T KNOW, ALLIGATORS HAVE
KILLED MORE PEOPLE, TOO.
BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN WE SHOULD
JUMP IN THE SWAMP.
THE UNITED STATES IS RANKED
NUMBER ONE ON A LIST OF
COUNTRIES MOST PREPARED FOR THIS
SORT OF THING, AND THEN THE
PRESIDENT ANNOUNCED WHO HE'S
PUTTING IN CHARGE OF FIGHTING
THIS VIRUS.
>> HE'S REALLY VERY EXPERT AT
THE FIELD.
AND WHAT I'VE DONE IS I'M GOING
TO BE ANNOUNCING EXACTLY RIGHT
NOW THAT I'M GOING TO BE PUTTING
OUR VICE PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE IN
CHARGE.
>> DIDN'T IT SEEM PENCE DIDN'T
KNOW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?
I HOPE THE VIRUS ISN'T SPREAD BY
KISSING ASS, BECAUSE IF IT IS,
THEY'VE GOT THE WRONG GUY.
SERIOUSLY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MIKE PENCE IS IN TROUBLE.
WHY IS MIKE PENCE, WHY IS MIKE
PENCE IN CHARGE?
WHAT IS HIS PLAN TO STOP THE
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Trump is DEFINITELY NOT WORRIED About Coronavirus

111 Folder Collection
diplomat0225 published on February 28, 2020
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