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  • VOICE From the studio that nearly

  • destroyed the X-Men franchise with "The Last Stand," comes the film

  • that destroyed your favorite X- Man...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Wolverine

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Journey to 1970's Canada, where

  • everyone dresses like it's 2009.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) And no one has a Canadian accent.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Witness Marvel's most hardcore

  • character get completely neutered in his own extremely, boring movie

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Watch as Wolverine's centuries of

  • war are glossed over in one montage to instead make time for

  • things no one wants to see Wolverine do:

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Go on dates!

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Chop wood!

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Get stuck in traffic!

  • VOICE (CONT'D) And fumble around in the bathroom!

  • VOICE (CONT'D) And if you thought they could only

  • ruin Wolverine - wait until you see what they did with Deadpool...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) The "merc with the mouth" - gets

  • his mouth removed, and trades his cool costume for eight-minute abs

  • and magic eye shadow - Oh and he also gets a grab-bag of random

  • mutant powers that Deadpool never had.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Are we sure that Brett Ratner

  • didn't direct this?

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Get excited when they introduce fan-

  • favorite Gambit!

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Then get immediately disappointed

  • when you realize that he's only in the movie for 5 minutes.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Instead spend time with some of the

  • lamest mutants you've never heard of...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Wraith

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Agent Zero

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Bolt

  • VOICE (CONT'D) And Silverfox?

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Wow Marvel, really scraping the

  • bottom of the barrel huh.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Prepare to learn the origin of

  • boring Wolverine facts like...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Where he got his jacket.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) And the super boring story behind

  • his nickname.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Blah blah blah blah blah.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Ugh. Really?

  • Strap in for an action movie with

  • effects so bad...it barely looks

  • better than the leaked rough cut

  • everyone pirated online.

  • Featuring...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) This horrible CGI camera trick

  • VOICE (CONT'D) This weird CGI ladder.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) This awful CGI facelift.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) And unforgivably terrible CGI claws

  • VOICE (CONT'D) That somehow look worse than the

  • first three X-men movies.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) So get ready to crank up the volume

  • in one of the shout-iest. Films. Ever.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) RAAARAAAARGH this movie sucks.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Starring...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Why can't you movie studios just get along? America needs to see Wolverine fight the Hulk...right?

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VOICE From the studio that nearly

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