Name: The Gray Rock Method | Beat ‘Toxic People’ with Serenity
Uploaded: 2020-02-24T02:37:04.000Z
Duration: 5 min 46 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Adverbs of degree

Moreover, there are individuals that, for some reason, take delight in getting emotional

When they succeed, they win, and their ability to hurt gives them a sense of power.

Whether we call them toxic people, narcissists, psychopaths; people like these are very tough

However, there's a controversial method to handle such individuals.

An effective way to deal with people that are destructive to our lives is avoiding them.

'Walking away' and going 'no contact' are great tools, that not only cut them out

of our lives; but also give them the opportunity to reflect.

And, even though the chances are small, they might consider changing their behavior for

Unfortunately, in some cases, walking away isn't an option.

We can avoid people to some extent, but when we have to deal with them on a regular basis

because of work, cohabitation, or shared custody, we will benefit from other ways to cope with

In 2013, a psychology-blogger named Skylar first coined the term Gray Rock Method, as

The goal of the Gray Rock Method is to encourage psychopaths, or other emotionally unbalanced

When contact with you is consistently unsatisfying for the psychopath, his mind is re-trained

Psychopaths are addicted to drama and they can't stand to be bored.

With time, he will find a new person to provide drama and he will find himself drawn to you

Eventually, they just slither away to greener pastures.

According to Skylar, psychopaths are addicted to power.

They try different tactics to get a reaction out of their targets to fuel their sense of

When they succeed, they are exhilarated; they have found a way to control us.

In most cases, this isn't a one-time event: when these people discover that they can pull

our strings, they'll keep doing it; even if it's just for the confirmation that they

The same goes for bullies; it's fun to poke the bear.

Now, the key to the Gray Rock Method is to not get entangled in their web of malice,

There are many ways to execute this method.

It completely depends on how these people try to get what they want.

The essence is that we change into a gray rock when we are in their presence.

As Stoic philosopher Epictetus would say: we can't control the outside world, but

we can control the position we take towards it.

Thus, it is within our control to behave like a boring, nonreactive, object.

If they talk about a specific person or subject, because they know this triggers us, we react

If they use a certain insult, because they know we can't stand that, we might just

Just like the Stoic and Roman statesman Cato who was once struck in the public bath by

After the man apologized, Cato replied: “I don't remember being struck”.

If that man wanted to get a reaction out of Cato, is there anything more unsatisfying

than when Cato is completely oblivious to his actions?

Also, when these people envy us for our status, possessions, looks, or other things that they

don't have, being a gray rock, means being as boring and as closed off as possible about

According to Skylar, it's not that they want those things for themselves: they want

to see the emotion on our faces when we lose them.

It's important to understand that taking away the prize takes time and consistency.

During the first phase, they will get agitated because we suddenly stop providing them with

This means that they'll double their efforts to get in our hair, by increasing the drama

In this situation, it's very easy to take the bait.

“Toxic people” that are out to stir the pot, won't be attracted to imperturbable

They want to be entertained, intrigued, in control of other people's emotions, and

their ideal guinea pigs are those who are sensitive and easily upset.

When we are gray rocks, however, they'll pass us over.

We don't stand out, we're indifferent, passive, not interesting, and literally cold