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  • Hey viewers, I've been in the dating coaching scene for over a decade now and there's one

  • thing I can tell you for sure - Certain nationalities definitely struggle more with dating than

  • others.

  • In fact you don't need to take my word for it, OkCupid founder Christian Rudder lays

  • the statics from his online dating webiste out in his new book Dataclysm - The truth

  • is that certain nationalities are simply voted as less desirable than others.

  • So that settles it then right?

  • Evidently both men and women are racist when it comes to dating, and the data backs it

  • up!

  • Well, actually while the data is correct, it's quite misleading.

  • While there are definitely a few racist people out there in the world, they are fortunately

  • a very small minority.

  • The real problem at play is one of culture clash impacting our dating preferences.

  • To illustrate this effect at play, I'll tell you about 2 students I took in 2012 in the

  • same class together.

  • They were both of African Descent, but one was from an upper middle-class UK background

  • while the other grew up as a poor kid in a poor predominantly black neighborhood in the

  • USA.

  • Now both these men were just as 'black' as each other, but the man from the UK had a

  • much easier time meeting women than the man from the USA.

  • I see examples like this every week of my life, and they clearly show why race itself

  • is not the real problem in dating - Low Socio-economic predominantly black communities tend to have

  • a very strong cultural identity which is vastly different to most other cultures.

  • - This means that the way people joke, the way people romantically engage with others,

  • people's expectations for how men and women should behave when dating, people's way of

  • resolving conflict etc. is completely different.

  • The African man from the UK on the other hand has a cultural behaviour style indistinguishable

  • from the rest of most western cultures, so he has far less difficulty meeting women because

  • it's just easier for him to connect with them on the level they want to be connected with.

  • Now as we go through life, we quickly learn what cultural behaviors we feel compatible

  • with romantically, and which we feel incompatible with.

  • So we learn to automatically discount people romantically from certain cultures as a way

  • to simply 'save time' by not dating people we're unlikely really click with.

  • For example, I'm a pretty confident and outspoken guy, I'm not at all conservative or traditional

  • or religious.

  • As a result, I know that I'm unlikely to be compatible with girls from conservative or

  • religious cultures because I'll be too brash for them, and they'll be too shy and not outspoken

  • enough for me.

  • So any girl I meet who for example appears traditionally Korean, Chinese, Indian, or

  • from any number of conservative African countries are instantly discounted in my mind because

  • I know the odds are that we just won't click - BUT in spite of that fact, for the last

  • 8 years I've been dating an Indian girl - There was no clash for us because she grew up in

  • Australia and grew up in more or less the same cultural background I did.

  • So you're watching and you are from a cultural background that the men or women you want

  • don't seem to be so interested in you, what do you do about this?

  • Well there are 2 ways to go here...

  • One, If you strongly identify with your cultural background, and believe that it is an intrinsic

  • part of who you are, then you need to realise that you don't actually WANT a romantic relationship

  • with anyone from a culture which clashes with yours because you'll never really understand

  • each other.

  • You shouldn't want someone with vastly different relationship expectations from your own.

  • However, if you feel like you want to break free from your cultural background and be

  • your own person, but feel instantly unfairly judged because of how you look or sound, then

  • there is an easy way to destroy this pattern and be judged solely on your own merits as

  • a unique human being.

  • The key?

  • Break people's cultural stereotypes within minutes of meeting you.

  • Imagine you are sitting on a park bench, and a man rides up on a Harley Davidson, he is

  • wearing all black leather, his head is shaved, and he is covered in tattoos.

  • What assumptions do you make about him?

  • Imagine 1 minute later he walks over to a woman holding a baby who appears to know him

  • - He gives her a big hug, and the women hands the baby to him, and he immediately tarts

  • nurturing the young child, talking to it in a baby voice and giving it a lot of affection

  • - Do you notice that you now instantly drop all previously held notions of what this man

  • would be like as a person?

  • The trick here was that he did something which completely flew in the face of your previously

  • held notions for 'men like him'.

  • So you suddenly drop the stereotype and begin assessing him completely anew.

  • You can do the exact same thing yourself - You simply need to ask yourself, what do people

  • assume about me and my culture when they first meet me?

  • What can I do or say, or how could I dress that would completely shatter those stereotypes?

  • If you achieve that, your race and cultural background will stop getting in your way,

  • and instead people will see you for who you really are as a person.

  • So while most men and women arent' really racist, it is quite natural to avoid certain

  • cultures because you feel you won't get along romantically.

  • The good news is that it's really easy to break a person's stereotype and give yourself

  • a chance to shine as an individual.

  • I know this is a controversial topic for many, so please go ahead and put your comments below.

  • Don't forget to like this video and share it with someone you know needs

  • to see it.

Hey viewers, I've been in the dating coaching scene for over a decade now and there's one

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Are Women Racist When Dating? - The Surprising Truth And Solution

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    Elma Kung posted on 2020/02/23
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