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  • WELCOME.

  • WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW."

  • I'M YOUR SHOWS STEPHEN COLBERT.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE WORLD IS STILL ON EDGE OVER

  • ESCALATING TENSIONS BETWEEN RIVAL FOREIGN POWERS THAT COULD

  • ANY MOMENT ERUPT INTO A FULL-BLOWN WAR, AND EVERYONE IS

  • ASKING THE SAME HARROWING QUESTION, CAN HARRY AND MEGHAN

  • REALLY LEAVE THE ROYAL FAMILY?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ♪ CAN THEY LEAVE

  • >> Stephen: BRINGING YOU UP TO SPEED,

  • LAST WEEK, PRINCE HARRY AND DUCHESS MEGHAN DROPPED THE

  • BANGER AND MASH THAT THEY WOULD STEP BACK AS SENIOR ROYALS

  • AND WORK TO BECOME FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.

  • BUT LIKE MANY MILLENNIALS WHO MOVE OUT, THEY'LL STAY ON THE

  • QUEEN'S VERIZON FAMILY PLAN.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )

  • AND HEALTH INSURANCE, TOO, PROBABLY.

  • THE PALACE WAS SHOCKED, AND SO TODAY, THE QUEEN HELD A ROYAL

  • FAMILY SUMMIT TO WORK OUT A FUTURE FOR PRINCE HARRY AND

  • MEGHAN.

  • THE QUEEN PUT OUT THIS STATEMENT:

  • "MY FAMILY AND I ARE ENTIRELY SUPPORTIVE OF HARRY AND MEGHAN'S

  • DESIRE TO CREATE A NEW LIFE AS A YOUNG FAMILY.

  • WE RESPECT AND UNDERSTAND THEIR WISH TO LIVE A MORE INDEPENDENT

  • LIFE."

  • THAT'S LOVELY.

  • IT'S WAY NICER THAN THE STATEMENTS THAT CAME OUT OF

  • ROYAL SUMMITS IN THE OLD DAYS: "I'M STARTING A NEW RELIGION SO

  • I CAN GET DIVORCED AND KILL MY NEXT WIFE."

WELCOME.

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