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  • This weekend was a big one for President Trump.

  • And not just because

  • the chef at Mar-a-Lago made boob-shaped burgers, no.

  • It was big because Republican senators stopped witnesses

  • from testifying at Trump's impeachment trial.

  • And it wasn't for the reason that you might think.

  • This weekend, more Senate Republicans admitted

  • that president's actions were wrong and bad,

  • but they insist not impeachable.

  • I agree he did something inappropriate,

  • but I don't agree he did anything akin to treason,

  • bribery, high crimes and misdemeanor.

  • Well, I mean,

  • if you have eight witnesses who say

  • someone left the scene of an accident, why do you need nine?

  • I mean, the question for me was, "Do I need more evidence

  • to conclude that the president did what he did?"

  • And I concluded "no."

  • That has to be one of the most gangster arguments

  • I've ever heard a senator give.

  • "No more witnesses

  • because I already know what Trump did, okay?"

  • Yeah, that would be like if a cop pulled you over and asked,

  • "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"

  • You're like, (slurring): "Yeah, I have a speedometer."

  • -(laughter) -"Now, are we done here?

  • 'Cause I got to get the party before this buzz wears off."

  • (laughter)

  • But yes, after months... after months of claiming Trump

  • did nothing wrong, many key Republicans

  • have now settled on: Look, man, it was bad,

  • but not kick-the-guy-out bad.

  • Yeah. Republicans basically treat Trump

  • like white people treat their dogs. You know?

  • Sure, it tore up all the furniture,

  • pooped on the floor and bit the neighbor's kid, but...

  • (baby talk): who can stay mad at that face?

  • -(laughter) -Who can stay mad at that face?

  • He just wanted a quid pro quo. He wants a quid pro quo.

  • Who wants a quid pro quo?

  • -(cheering, applause) -You want a quid pro quo.

  • So... so without witnesses, the trial is scheduled to wrap up

  • on Wednesday, and this will probably be

  • the end of the impeachment trial of Donald Jazeera Trump.

  • And with impeachment no longer weighing him down,

  • Trump had the opportunity to spend time with his loved ones.

  • Specifically Sean Hannity,

  • Fox News host and guy who definitely names his guns.

  • Well, on Sunday, Hannity sat down with Trump

  • for an exclusive pre-Super Bowl interview,

  • where he asked the president all of the hard-hitting questions.

  • I love sports. I think sports mirror life.

  • You know, stripped down, you learn to win,

  • sometimes you don't always win.

  • What do you love about sports?

  • Well, it is,

  • it's sort of a little bit of a microcosm of life.

  • You know, you have winners. You have champions.

  • You have people that you expect to see that final play.

  • You have great coaches, like Belichick.

  • Uh, you have people that you expect... more out of,

  • and oftentimes they produce.

  • Then you have people that you just don't expect

  • they're gonna do it...

  • and oftentimes they don't.

  • It's a microcosm of life.

  • (laughter)

  • There are people you don't expect things from,

  • -and then they don't deliver. -(laughter)

  • And also, did-did Trump just rephrase

  • what Hannity said to him

  • and make it sound like it was his own idea?

  • 'Cause Hannity goes, "I think sports mirrors life,"

  • and Trump is like, "Actually, for me,

  • -"I think sports mirrors life. -(laughter)

  • But hey, that's just my opinion. I don't know."

  • I will say, though, I was impressed that Trump

  • used the word "microcosm," yeah.

  • And correctly, too.

  • Yeah, because if he ever used that word,

  • I would have expected something more like,

  • "The Playboy Mansion, 1986,

  • "I had the most intense microcosm of my life.

  • (laughter)

  • "So good.

  • -(cheering, applause) -So strong."

  • But... but Trump didn't spend the whole conversation

  • sharing his deep, meaningful thoughts about sports.

  • No, he also shared his quick, shallow thoughts

  • about the Democratic candidates.

  • -A lightning round here. -All right.

  • Um, I'm just gonna throw out a name.

  • -Whatever comes to your mind. -Okay.

  • We'll start with Joe Biden.

  • I just think of sleepy.

  • I-I just watch him. He's sleepy, Sleepy Joe.

  • -Bernie Sanders. -Well, I think he's a communist.

  • I mean, you know, look,

  • I think of communism when I think of Bernie.

  • Now, you could say socialist, but...

  • didn't he get married in Moscow?

  • -Michael Bloomberg. -Uh, very little.

  • I just think of little. You know, now he wants a box

  • for the debates, to stand on.

  • Okay, it's okay. There's nothing wrong.

  • You can be short.

  • Why should he get a box to stand on, okay?

  • He wants a box for the debates.

  • -(laughter) -He wants a box?

  • I know you might be wondering: What is Trump talking about?

  • -The answer is: No one knows. -(laughter)

  • Is it true? Did Trump make this up?

  • Did somebody put magic mushrooms on Trump's boob-burger?

  • We don't know. He could have imagined all of this

  • while he was tripping.

  • One thing is for sure:

  • Trump has put Bloomberg in an awkward situation.

  • This is the genius of Donald Trump.

  • I don't care what anyone says.

  • Because some candidates do use boxes.

  • But now, if Bloomberg asks for a box,

  • it's gonna be a huge deal.

  • So he's gonna have to figure out another solution at the debate.

  • Like, maybe Bloomberg can convince the DNC

  • to give the debates a '70s theme

  • so he can show up in his platforms.

  • -(laughter) -Maybe that would work.

  • Now, Bloomberg could have chosen to respond in a number of ways.

  • He could have stayed with the height theme and said,

  • "Screw the box. I'm gonna stand on my bank statements

  • that show how much richer I am than you."

  • But instead, instead, the Bloomberg campaign

  • tried to hit Trump where it hurts.

  • NEWSMAN: Bloomberg's campaign firing back,

  • calling the president...

  • (shouting, cheering, applause)

  • His fake hair, his obesity,

  • and his spray-on tan.

  • Goddamn, what a low blow!

  • Although, for Michael Bloomberg, every blow is a low blow, but...

  • -(groaning) -You know? Yeah, when he drops the mike,

  • it doesn't fall that far. It's crazy, though.

  • that this is what politics looks like right now.

  • Although, you have to admit, it'll make history class

  • a lot less boring down the road.

  • All right? Teachers in the future will be like,

  • "And then in the year 2020, the president called Bloomberg

  • "a 'tiny little-box elf.'

  • "Then Bloomberg responded, 'Oh, yeah?'

  • "'Nice to pay you, fat (bleep).'

  • And yes, that's gonna be on the quiz this Friday, everybody."

  • (laughter)

  • But... wherever Trump's Bloomberg story came from,

  • it shows you how good Trump is at playing the media.

  • Because now, a story that Trump completely made up

  • has gotten so big, it's all the news wants to talk about.

  • We have looked into this so-called Box-gate situation,

  • and we have not been able to find any proof

  • that Michael Bloomberg wants a box.

  • He also suggested some sort of conspiracy theory

  • that Bloomberg was working with the DNC

  • to be able to stand on a box during the debate.

  • We have no evidence that that is true.

  • I don't mean to get in the weeds on this, Kevin.

  • Did he ask for a box or not? Is that true or not?

  • He... he did not ask for a box.

  • Despite Trump's claim, there is no evidence

  • that Bloomberg is asking to stand on a box.

  • And there's nothing wrong with standing on boxes.

  • Man, you know...

  • you know what, sometimes-- I'll be honest with you--

  • I feel like sometimes the news in America is so full of shit.

  • Right? No, because they make it sound like they're upset

  • about what Trump said, and that they're "fact-checking" it."

  • But all they really want to do is repeat his insults all day.

  • Yeah. 'Cause it's great for ratings. It really is.

  • I mean, boxes? You know what they remind me of,

  • they remind me of that kid in school

  • that acted like your friend while being a jerk to you.

  • You know, the kid would come up, be like, "Hey, I heard Brian say

  • "that your mama's so dumb she needs a lifeguard

  • "when she takes a bath.

  • "But that's not true, right? He's so mean. Brian's mean.

  • I would never say that. I didn't repeat it to everybody else."

  • And here's why this is so disappointing for me.

  • After the 2016 election, cable news in particular

  • said they realize they made a mistake

  • by amplifying everything Trump said.

  • They said that. Right?

  • Which only helped him. We know that it helped him.

  • And so they said, "We won't do it again."

  • But now the election is around the corner,

  • and they can't resist that sweet Trump juice.

  • Back at it. "Oh, is Bloomberg too short to stand...

  • Debate..." (muttering)

  • And one thing is for sure. When Trump says shit like this,

  • it creates yet another distraction

  • from what really matters,

  • like the fact that people in his own party

  • are admitting that they think Trump is guilty

  • whilst also making sure that his trial is so short,

  • not even a box will help it.

This weekend was a big one for President Trump.

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