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  • WORLD NEWS HEADQUARTERS IN

  • NEW YORK, "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH

  • TREVOR NOAH PRESENTS

  • VOTEGASM2020, WORST HOLIDAY

  • SPECIAL EVER!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • ♪♪

  • )7&Trevor: OH, YEAH!

  • WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW,"

  • EVERYBODY!

  • THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TUNING IN

  • AND THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT!

  • THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING OUT!

  • TAKE A SEAT!

  • TAKE Açó SEAT!

  • LET'S DO THIS!

  • I'M TREVOR NOAH!

  • THE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL

  • DEBATE ENDED JUST MOMENTS AGO

  • AND WE ARE COMING TO YOU LIVE,

  • PEOPLE!

  • LIVE!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • THAT'S RIGHT!

  • 100% LIVE, AND I'LL PROVE IT.

  • I MADE THIS GUACAMOLE WHEN THE

  • DEBATE STARTED AND, LOOK, NOW

  • IT'S TOTALLY BROWN.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • NOW, BETWEEN THE DEBATE AND THE

  • IMPEACHMENT OF THE PRESIDENT, IT

  • HAS BEEN A;oR WILD COUPLE OF DAS

  • IN AMERICAN POLITICS, AND WE'RE

  • GOING TO COVER BOTH TONIGHT, BUT

  • LET'S START WITH THE FINAL

  • DEBATE OF 2019, WHICH WAS HOSTED

  • BY PBS AND POLITICO AND TAPED IN

  • FRONT OF A MOVING BACKGROUND

  • THAT LOOKED LIKE A BORING PART

  • OF THE MATRIX.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • TONIGHT'S DEBATE WAS THE

  • SMALLEST WITH ONLY SEVEN

  • CANDIDATES ON STAGE AND TLS

  • WHITEST, NO JULIAAÁN CASTRO, NO

  • KAMALA HARRIS, NO CORY BOOKER.

  • BASICALLY DEMOCRATIC DEBATES ARE

  • LIKE HORROR MOVIES, START OUT

  • WITH A DIVERSE CAST OF

  • CHARACTERS AND THEN ALL THE

  • BLACK PEOPLE ARE QUIETLY AND

  • QUICKLY KILLED OFF.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • THAT WAS A TOPIC OF TONIGHT'S

  • DEBASE, WHY IS THE DEMOCRATICTH

  • FIELD NOT MORE REPRESENTATIVE OF

  • ITS BASE.

  • >> PRESIDENT OBAMA SAID THIS

  • WEEK WHEN ASKED WHO SHOULD BE

  • RUNNING COUNTRIES, IF WOMEN WERE

  • IN CHARGE YOU WOULD SEE A

  • SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT ON JUST

  • ABOUT EVERYTHING.

  • HE ALSO SAID IF YOU LOOK AT THE

  • WORLD AND THE PROBLEMS, IT'S

  • USUALLY OLD PEOPLE, USUALLY OLD

  • MEN NOT GETTING OUT OF THE WAY.

  • SENATOR SANDERS, YOU ARE THE

  • OLDEST CANDIDATE ON STAGE THIS

  • EVENING.

  • >> AND I'M WHITE AS WELL.

  • WHOA!

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • >> Trevor: DID BERNIE JUST

  • YELL, AND I'M WHITE!

  • YOU CAN'T SAY THAT, BERNIE,

  • THAT'S TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN SLOWING

  • BEEN.

  • WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

  • THAT CAME OFF WEIRD BEING ASKED

  • ABOUT BEING OLD AND THEN SAY I'M

  • WHITE AS WELL.

  • IT'S LIKE YOUR WIFE IS SHITTING

  • ON YOU FOR CHEATING AND YOU CUT

  • IN, AND IT WAS WITH YOUR SISTER!

  • I LOVE HOW OBAMA MADE AN OFF THE

  • CUFF COMMENT AT AN EVENT AND

  • IT'S BECOME A REAL THING AFTER

  • THE DEBATES.

  • HE SAYS HE THINKS WOMEN WOULD

  • MAKE BETTER LEADERS AND SHOULD

  • BE PRESIDENT AND THE CANDIDATES

  • HAVE TO DEAL WITH TALL SHIT HE

  • THREW IN.

  • OBAMA SHOULD BE MESSING WITH THE

  • CAMPAIGN, TOMORROW, THE BEST

  • PRESIDENT WOULD BE SOMEBODY

  • WITHOUT A NOSE.

  • AAAHHH!

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • THE STAGE WASN'T COMPLETELY

  • WHITE THANKS TO ANDREW YANG

  • BEING THERE.

  • BASICALLY A BUNCH OF WHITE

  • PEOPLE AND AN ASIAN GUY LIKE AN

  • ADULT REBOOT OF THE GOONIES.

  • ANDREW YANG HAD AN INSIGHTFUL

  • TAKE ON WHY THERE WEREN'T MORE

  • PEOPLE OF COLOR ON THE STAGE.

  • >> THE AVERAGE NET WORTH OF A

  • BLACK HOUSEHOLD IS 10% OF A

  • WHITE HOUSE HOLIDAY, FOR

  • LATINOS, 12%.çó

  • THE QUESTION IS WHY HAVE AM I

  • THE LONE CANDIDATE OF COLOR,

  • FEWER THAN 5% OF AMERICANS

  • DONATE TO POLITICAL CAMPAIGNS.

  • DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO

  • DONATE TO POLITICAL CAMPAIGNS?

  • DISPOSABLE INCOME.

  • ( APPLAUSE )

  • >> Trevor: ANDREW YANG MAKES A

  • REALLY GREAT POINT.

  • THINK ABOUT IT, TO MAKE IT ON

  • TONIGHT'S DEBATE STAGE

  • CANDIDATES WERE REQUIRED TO HAVE

  • 200,000 DONORS, BUT IF A

  • CANDIDATE HAS SUPPORTERS WHO

  • CAN'T AFARD DONATIONS, THE

  • CANDIDATE CAN'T MAKE IT TO THE

  • STAGE, BECAUSE MONEY TALKS IN

  • AMERICA, SO IF YOU DON'T HAVE

  • MONEY, YOU CAN'T TALK.

  • THINK ABOUT IT, THE WHOLE ISSUE

  • AROUND POLITICAL DONATION IN

  • AMERICA IS BACKWARDS.

  • GIVE ME YOUR MONEY AND I'LL MAKE

  • YOUR LIFE BETTER.

  • YO, MAN, IF I HAD MONEY, I

  • WOULDN'T NEED YOU TO MAKE MY

  • LIFE BETTER.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • ONE OF THE BIG ADVANTAGES TRUMP

  • HAS IS THE ECONOMY IS DOING

  • EXTREMELY WELL.

  • FOR TONIGHT'S CANDIDATES, THE

  • CHALLENGE WAS EXPLAINING TO

  • VOTERS WHY ALL THAT GLITTERS IS

  • NOT GOLD.

  • >> THIS ECONOMY IS NOT WORKING

  • FOR MOST OF US, FOR THE MIDDLE

  • CLASS, AND I KNOW YOU'RE ONLY

  • EVER SUPPOSED TO SAY MIDDLE

  • CLASS AND NOT POOR IN POLITICS,

  • BUT WE'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT

  • POVERTY IN THIS COUNTRY.

  • >> AMERICA'S MIDDLE CLASS IS

  • BEING HOLLOWED OUT AND WORKING

  • FAMILIES AND POOR PEOPLE ARE

  • BEING LEFT BEHIND.

  • >> TRUMP GOES AROUND SAYING THE

  • ECONOMY IS DOING GREAT.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • REAL INFLATION ACCOUNTED FOR

  • WAGES WENT UP LAST YEAR 1.1%!

  • THAT AIN'T GREAT!

  • >> Trevor: DAMN, BERNIE REALLY

  • HATES 1%.

  • IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE 1%

  • IS, HE JUST HATES 1%.ú

  • WAGE INCREASES, TOP EARNERS,

  • MILK, DOESN'T MATTER.

  • GET OUT OF THERE WITH THE NO

  • FAT.

  • I NEED MILK STRAIGHT OUT OF THE

  • COW.

  • HE MAKES A GOOD POINT.

  • THE ECONOMY CAN BE DOING WELL

  • BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN EVERY DAY

  • THE AMERICANS WILL BE SEEING THE

  • BENEFITS.

  • TRUTH IS THE BIG BEEF WASN'T

  • BETWEEN THE DEMOCRATS AND TRUMP.

  • IT WAS BETWEEN DEMOCRATS AND

  • PETE BUTTIGIEG.

  • SOUTH BEND MAYOR AND JUNG SHE

  • WOULDN'T.

  • YOU CAN TELL HE'S THE ONE TO

  • BEAT BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS

  • GUNNING FOR HIM.

  • >> WHEN WE WERE IN THE LAST

  • DEBATE, MAYOR, YOU BASICALLY

  • MOCKED THE 100 YEARS' EXPERIENCE

  • ON THE STAGE.

  • I THINK THIS EXPERIENCE WORKS

  • AND I HAVE NOT DENIGRATED YOUR

  • EXPERIENCE AS A LOCAL OFFICIAL.

  • >> YOU ACTUALLY DID DEN GRATE MY

  • EXPERIENCE, SENATOR, AND I WAS

  • GOING TO LET IT GO BECAUSE WE

  • HAVE BIGGER FISH TO FRY HERE

  • BUT --

  • >> I DON'T THINK WE HAVE BIGGER

  • FISH TO FRY THAN PICKING THE

  • PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • WE SHOULD HAVE SOMEONE HEADING

  • UP THE TICKET THAT'S ACTUALLY

  • WON.

  • >> DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE

  • CAPACITY TO WIN?

  • TRY PUTTING TOGETHER A COALITION

  • TO BRING YOU BACK TO OFFICE WITH

  • 80% OF THE VOTE AS A GAY DUDE IN

  • MIKE PENCE'Sñr INDIANA.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • >> Trevor: WHOA, THAT WAS A

  • MIC DROP, HUH?

  • A GAY DUDE?

  • INDIANA.

  • I FEEL LIKE WHEREVER MIKE PENCE

  • IS NOW HIS SPIDER SENSE LIT UP.

  • THERE'S A GAY MAN IN INDIANA?

  • I MUST GO.

  • MOTHER, HAND ME m 8RaLE!ST[5/Y

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • NOW, KLOBUCHAR GOING AFTER

  • BUTTIGIEG WAS THE UNDERCUT FIGHT

  • BECAUSE THE MAIN EVENT WAS

  • BETWEEN BUTTIGIEG AND ELIZABETH

  • WARREN ON THE TOPIC OF CAN PAIN

  • DONATIONINGS.

  • >> I'VE SAID TO ANYONE WHO WANTS

  • TO DONATE, IF YOU WANT TO THAT'S

  • FINE, BUT DON'T BE EXPECTING TO

  • BE NAMED AMBASSADOR.

  • THE MAYOR JUST RECENTLY HAD A

  • FUNDRAISER HELD IN A WINE CAVE

  • FULL OF CRYSTALS AND SERVED

  • $900 A BOTTLE WINE.

  • THINK ABOUT WHO COMES TO THAT.

  • BILLIONAIRES AND WINE CAVES

  • SHOULD NOT PICK THE NEXT

  • PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

  • >> MR. MAYOR --

  • >> Trevor: ELIZABETH WARREN

  • HAS A GREAT POINT.

  • BUTTIGIEG SHOULDN'T BE HOLDING

  • HUNDRED DOLLARS RAISERS IN WIND

  • CAVES.

  • HE'S NOT EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO

  • DRINK.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • ALSO, WHAT THE HELL IS A WINE

  • CAVE?

  • I DON'T WANT A PRESIDENT PICKED

  • THAT WAY.

  • I WANT A PRESIDENT PICKED BY

  • SOMEONE IN A TEQUILA CAVE.

  • MORE FUN.

  • A WINE CAVE IS WHERE BATMAN GOES

  • TO RELAX.

  • IT WAS A LONG DAY, ALFRED, OPEN

  • A BOTTLE OF ROSEEÉ.

  • WARREN HIT ON THE WEALTHY BUT

  • BUTTIGIEG THREW PUNCHES OF HIS

  • OWN.

  • >> SENATOR, YOUR PRESIDENTIAL

  • CAMPAIGN RIGHT NOW AS WE SPEAK

  • IS FUNDED IN PART BY MONEY YOU

  • TRANSFERRED, HAVING RAISED IT AT

  • THOSE EXACT SAME BIG TICKET

  • FUNDRAISERS YOU NOW DENOUNCE.

  • THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH ISSUING

  • PURITY TESTS YOU CANNOT YOURSELF

  • PASS.

  • ( AUDIENCE REACTS )

  • IF I PLEDGE NEVER TO BE IN THE

  • COMPANY OF A PROGRESSIVE

  • DEMOCRATIC DONOR, I COULDN'T BE

  • UP HERE.

  • SENi7R, YOUR NET WORTH IS 100

  • TIMES MINE.

  • NOW, SUPPOSING YOU WENT HOME

  • FEELING THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT AND

  • DECIDED TO GO ON TO PETE FOR

  • AMERICA.com AND GIVE THE

  • MAXIMUM ALLOWABLE BY LAW,

  • $2,800, WOULD THAT POLLUTE MY

  • CAMPAIGN BECAUSE IT CAME FROM A

  • WEALTHY PERSON?

  • >> Trevor: WHOO!

  • PETE BUTTIGIEG JUST CALLED

  • ELIZABETH WARREN A WEALTHY

  • PERSON.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • YOU REALIZE FOR PROGRESSIVE

  • WHITE PEOPLE THAT'S LIKE BEING

  • CALLED THE N-WORD.

  • THEY'RE, LIKE, HOW DARE YOU CALL

  • ME WEALTHY, I'M LIVING

  • COMFORTABLY, OKAY?nhp3

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • AND YOU CAN SEE ELIZABETH WARREN

  • WASN'T LIKING THAT BECAUSE SHE

  • DID THE THING WHITE WOMEN DO,

  • FACE FORWARD LIKE I'M NOT

  • HEARING ANYTHING.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • ALSO, IT WAS PRETTY SLICK THAT

  • PETE BASICALLY SUGGESTED WARREN

  • SHOULD DONATE TO HIS CAMPAIGN.

  • HE WAS LIKE GO TO PETE.com --

  • BECAUSE IF HE GOT EVERY

  • DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE TO GIVE HIM

  • 100 BUCKS, THAT'S, LIKE,

  • $4 BILLION.

  • THAT'S GENIUS.

  • KLOBUCHAR ATTACKED PETE, WARREN

  • ATTACKED PETE AND BERNIE

  • EDECIDED TO JUMP IN ON THE WHITE

  • ON WHITE CRIME.

  • >> NOW, THERE'S A REAL

  • COMPETITION GOING ON UP HERE, MY

  • GOOD FRIEND GORKS AND HE IS A

  • GOOD FRIEND, HE'S RECEIVED

  • CONTRIBUTIONS FROM 44

  • BILLIONAIRES.

  • PETE, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS

  • TRAILING, PETE, YOU ONLY GOT 39

  • BILL FLAIRS CONTRIBUTING.

  • SO, PETE, WE LOOK FORWARD TO

  • YOU, I KNOW YOU'RE AN ENERGETIC

  • GUY AND A COMPETITIVE GUY, TO

  • SEE IF YOU COULD TAKE ON JOE ON

  • THAT ISSUE.

  • BUT WHAT IS NOT --

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • >> Trevor: OH, MAN!Y

  • FIRST OF ALL, BIDEN IS, LIKE,

  • WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED?

  • WAIT, WHO?

  • DID I GET THE MONEY?

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT

  • WHENEVER BERNIE AND PETE

  • FIGHT,ISM LIKETÑ I'M WATCHING BK

  • TO THE FUTURE, YOU KNOW?

  • IT'S JUST LIKE, DOC, DOC!

  • WE GOT TO GET BIG MONEY!

  • WE GOT TO GET MONEY FROM BIG

  • DONORS, DOC!

  • HE'S, LIKE, SHUT UP AND GET BACK

  • TO THE DeLOREAN!

  • THE FLUX CAPACITOR IS AT 1%, AND

  • YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT 1%!çó

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • THOSE ARE THE BIG MOMENTS OF

  • TOOPTS DEBATE.

  • ALTHOUGH THERE WAS ONE OTHER

  • MOMENT THAT WAS TOO POWERFUL TO

  • IGNORE.

  • >> FIRST OF ALL, WE'VE NOT HAD

  • ENOUGH WOMEN IN OUR GOVERNMENT.

  • WHEN I WAS ON TREVOR NOAH'S SHOW

  • ONCE, I EXPLAINED HOW IN THE

  • HISTORY OF THE SENATE THERE WAS

  • SOMETHING LIKE 2,000 MENfá AND

  • ONLY 50 WOMEN IN THE WHOLE

  • HISTORY, AND HE SAID IF A

  • NIGHTCLUB HAD NUBS THAT BAD,

  • THEY'D SHUT IT DOWN.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • HOWEVER --

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • >> Trevor: NO, PLEASE, NO --

  • OKAY, A LITTLE BIT MORE, A LILT

  • BIT MORE.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • NO, PLEASE, NO -- I'M -- I'M NOT

  • GOING TO LIE, THAT WAS QDDw

  • BRILLIANT POINT BY THAT TREVOR

  • NOAH GUY.

  • MADE A LOT OF SENSE.

  • AND TECHNICALLY, TECHNICALLY, IF

  • MY LINE GETS A RESPONSE AT THE

  • PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE, DOESN'T

  • THAT MEAN THAT NOW I'M ALSO IN

  • THE RACE?

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • NO, I'M JOKING!

  • I'M JOKING!

  • I CAN'T RUN, GUYS, I WAS BORN IN

  • KENYA.

  • ( ;;]19UQ) )

  • SO, THAT WAS THE FINAL DEBATE OF

  • THE YEAR.

  • AND, HONESTLY, IT WAS REALLY

  • EXCITING.

  • THERE WERE POLICIES,rç/■ DISCUS,

  • ENOUGH OF A BANTER TO MAKE IT

  • SOMETHING TO WATCH, AND IT HAD

  • TO BE EXCITING BECAUSE THIS HAS

  • BEEN AN EXCITING WEEK.

  • THINK ABOUT IT, JUST YESTERDAY,

  • THE 45th PRESIDENT OF THE

  • UNITED STATES GOT IMPEACHED.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • YEAH!

  • WELL, YOU GUYS MIGHT BE

  • CHEERING, BUT WHEN DEMOCRATS IN

  • THE HOUSE TRY CHEER LAST NIGHT,

  • NANCY PELOSI SHUT IT DOWN REAL

  • FAST!

  • >> HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI

  • MAINTAINING CONTROL OF HER

  • CAUCUS WITH A GLANCE AND A

  • GESTURE ALONE AT ONE POINT

  • YESTERDAY.

  • >> ON THIS VOTE, THE YAYS ARE

  • 230, THE NAYS ARE 197.

  • PRESENT IS 1.

  • ARTICLE 1 IS ADOPTED.

  • ( BEGINNING APPLAUSE )

  • >> Trevor: DAMN!

  • NANCY DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR

  • GLOATING LAST NIGHT.

  • SHE KILLED THAT CELEBRATION.

  • THAT KIND OF LOOK WOULD SEND A

  • CHAMPAGNE CORK BACK INTO THE

  • BOTTLE.

  • THAT'S HOW INTENSE IT WAS.

  • IT WAS LIKE POP, WOP!

  • AND A WHILE THE DEMOCRATS WERE

  • PEACHING, THE PEACHED WAS

  • HOLDING A RALLY IN MICHIGAN AND

  • HE WANTS EVERYONE TO KNOW HE'S

  • TOTALLY OKAY WITH BEING

  • IMPEACHED.

  • >> IT DOESN'T REALLY FEEL LIKE

  • WE'RE BEING IMPEACHED.

  • THAT'S WHY WITH RICHARD NIXON, I

  • SEE IT AS A VERY DARK ERA, VERY

  • DARK, OH, YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE TO

  • THINK.

  • I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'M

  • HAVING A GOOD TIME.

  • IT'S CRAZY.

  • >> Trevor: OH, POOR TRUMP,

  • MAN, HE JUST BECAME THE FIRST

  • PRESIDENT IN HISTORY TO GET

  • IMPEACHED AND YOU SEE WHAT'S

  • HAPPENING, SHE'S TRYING TO

  • CONVINCE EVERYONE IT DOESN'T

  • BOTHER HIM.

  • IT DOESN'T EVEN FEEL LIKE WE GOT

  • IMPEACHED.

  • NO, YOU GOT IMPEACHED.

  • THERE IS NO WE.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • THIS REMINDS ME OF WHEN YOU WERE

  • A KID AND YOU WIPED OUT ON YOUR

  • BIKE IN FRONT OF ALL YOUR

  • FRIENDS BUT YOU GOT UP AND HAD

  • TO PLAY ITñr COOL.

  • HEY, MAN, YOU OKAY?

  • YEAH, THAT WASN'T NOTHING.

  • I DID IT ON PURPOSE BECAUSE I

  • THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY.

  • DUDE, I CAN SEE THE WHITE STUFFÑ

  • UNDER YOUR SKIN.

  • YEAH, I'M GOING HOME.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • TRUMP WANTS TO THINK IMPEACHMENT

  • IS NO BIG DEAL BUT HE ALSO WANTS

  • YOU TO THINK IT'S A TRAVESTY.

  • >> I'M THE FIRST PERSON TO EVER

  • GET IMPEACHED AND THERE'S NO

  • CRIME.

  • I FEEL GUILTY.

  • IT'S IMPEACHMENT LIGHT.

  • THEY HAVE CHEAPENED THE

  • IMPEACHMENT PROCESS, AND NOW

  • ANYBODY THAT BECOMES PRESIDENT,

  • I MEAN, THEY COULD HAVE A PHONE

  • CALL AND THEY GET IMPEACHED!

  • >> Trevor: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,

  • IMPEACHMENT LIGHT?

  • THERE'S NO IMPEACHMENT LIGHT.

  • IMPEACHMENT IS LIKE HERPES, YOU

  • EITHER HAVE IT OR DON'T.

  • DON'T WORRY, BABY, THIS IS JUST

  • A LITTLE HERPES HERE.Ñi

  • I LIKE HOW HE SAYS ANY PRESIDENT

  • COULD NOW GET IMPEACHED ON A

  • PHONE CALL.

  • IT'S NOT THE FACT HE JUST MADE A

  • CALL.

  • TRUMP'S EITHER BEING

  • DISINGENUOUS OR PEEH TOOK THE

  • COMPLETELY WRONG LESSON FROM

  • THIS THING.

  • LIKE O.J. SAYING, ALL RIGHT, I

  • LEARNED MY LESSON, I WON'T WEAR

  • GLOVES ANYMORE.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • ALTHOUGH PART OF ME THINKS TRUMP

  • IS SETTING UP AN EXCUSE FOR NOT

  • CALLING ERIC ON HIS BIRTHDAY.

  • I'M SORRY, ERIC, I CAN'T CALL

  • YOU, I CAN'T RISK ANOTHER

  • IMPEACHMENT.

  • BUT YOU SAID IT WAS IMPEACHMENT

  • LIGHT.

  • STILL TOO RISKY, BOY, TOO RISKY.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • , SO LOOK, MAN, DONALD TRUMP CAN

  • TRY TO ACT LIKE HE DOESN'T CARE

  • ABOUT IMPEACHMENT, BUT YOU

  • CANNOT DENY THAT THIS IS A BAD

  • WAY FOR HIM TO END THE YEAR.

  • SO HERE AT "THE DAILY SHOW," WE

  • THOUGHT, WITH THIS BEING OUR

  • FINAL SHOW OF 2019, WE WOULD DO

  • THE PRESIDENT A SOLID AND FOCUS

  • ON ONE OF HIS MAJOR ACHIEVEMENTS

  • OF THIS YEAR, INVENTING AN

  • INCREDIBLE ARRAY OF NEW WORDS.

  • >> I KNOW WORDS, I HAD THE BEST

  • WORDS.

  • ♪♪

  • HE WAS AWARDED THE BRONZE STAR

  • AND THE COMBAT INFANT RIMAN.

  • LIVER TRANCEPANTS AND TO DELEGIT

  • >> THIS WAS PIVOTAL.

  • IF YOU LOOK AT THE HEROIN

  • EPIDEMIC.

  • FULLY AUTHORIZED THE 9/11

  • VICTIMS.

  • WE MUST SEEK BIPARTIS SOLUTIONS.

  • IN ALL 50 STATES TO WAIVE UP A

  • APPLICABLE STATE TAXES.

  • AMERICANS OF ALL LICE ROSE UP.

  • WEUdJUST SET ANOTHER STOCK

  • ROCKET, YOU SAW THAT.

  • VENSVENEZUELANS.

  • I HOPE THEY TAKE A LOOK AT THE

  • ORANGES OF THE INVESTIGATION,

  • THE BEGINNINGS.

  • WE'VE PUT A BIG INVESTMENT IN

  • OUR COUNTRY.

  • WE APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH TIM

  • APPLE.

  • MORE THAN 2,000 YEARS AGO, A

  • BRILLIANT STAR SHOWN IN THE EAST

  • WISEMEN TRAVELED FAR FAR AFIELD.

  • >> AND THERE WAS -- YOU KNOW

  • WHAT --

  • >> TO IMPROVE THIS DOESN'T -- I

  • HAVE THE BEST WORDS, BUT THERE'S

  • NO BETTER WORD THAN STUPID.

  • >> Trevor: I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE

  • WHAT HE COMES UP WITH NEXT YEAR.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WORLD NEWS HEADQUARTERS IN

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