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  • - THE RIGHT TRIANGLE'S LONGEST SIDE

  • IS CALLED THE HYPOTENUSE,

  • AND IT'S THIS SIDE HERE.

  • - HEY, I WISH I WERE HIGH ON POTENUSE.

  • - [giggles]

  • "I WISH I WAS HIGH ON POTENUSE."

  • [laughter]

  • - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

  • OH, MR. MORRISON, IT'S VERY FUNNY.

  • IT'S VERY FUNNY, BUT LET'S GET BACK TO THE LESSON.

  • WE CAN SEE THE LONGEST ONE

  • WHERE IT GOES FROM THIS POINT--

  • - THAT WAS MY JOKE.

  • - I KNOW, MAN. THAT WAS HILARIOUS.

  • - TRIANGLE. I'VE LABELED THEM HERE

  • "A," "B," AND "C." - NO, BUT, I MEAN, I SAID THAT.

  • I SAID IT.

  • I SAID IT. I SAID THAT.

  • - PLEASE, PLEASE, MR. JACKSON, KEEP YOUR COMMENTS TO YOURSELF.

  • THANK YOU.

  • NOW THE HYPOTENUSE-- [laughter]

  • MR. MORRISON, YOU REALLY GOT ME ON THAT ONE.

  • OH, SO GREAT.

  • OH, OH, PRINCIPAL MARTEL, PRINCIPAL MARTEL, COME HERE,

  • COME HERE, COME HERE.

  • TELL PRINCIPAL MARTEL WHAT YOU SAID, TROY.

  • - OH, SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT THE HYPOTENUSE,

  • AND I SAID, "I WISH I WAS HIGH ON POTENUSE."

  • [laughter]

  • I'M SORRY.

  • [laughter continues] HE LIKES IT.

  • PRINCIPAL MARTEL'S COOL.

  • - OH, THAT'S-- THAT'S VERY FUNNY.

  • - PRINCIPAL MARTEL, PRINCIPAL MARTEL, I SAID THAT.

  • - MR. JACKSON, THAT IS ENOUGH.

  • - BUT I SAID IT FIRST. - DUDE, COME ON.

  • - MR. IGLESIAS, MR. IGLESIAS,

  • YES, COME IN, COME IN.

  • - [gasps] - YEAH.

  • YES. WHAT'S UP, PEOPLES?

  • - FLUFFY. - COMEDIAN GABRIEL IGLESIAS

  • IS TOURING THE LOCAL SCHOOLS TODAY

  • FOR A CHARITY HE'S WORKING ON.

  • TELL HIM WHAT YOU SAID. TELL HIM WHAT YOU SAID.

  • - UH, I WISH I WAS HIGH ON POTENUSE.

  • [laughter]

  • - OH, MY GOD. THAT IS CLEVER.

  • THAT IS CLEVER. VERY FUNNY.

  • - NO. NO. - VERY FUNNY.

  • - RIGHT? THANKS, THANKS.

  • - MR. IGLESIAS, MR. IGLESIAS,

  • I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN.

  • THAT WAS MY JOKE.

  • - YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT REALLY COOL, BUDDY,

  • TO TAKE CREDIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S JOKES.

  • HEY, LISTEN, FUNNY STUFF.

  • I'M DOING THIS BIG TOUR RIGHT NOW.

  • YOU WANT TO SEE ABOUT MAYBE WE COULD TALK ABOUT YOU OPENING?

  • I NEED AN OPENER.

  • - UM, SURE.

  • - WHAT DO YOU THINK? IS THAT OKAY?

  • - OF COURSE. OF COURSE. - YEAH.

  • - [gasps] WHAT?

  • - SORRY ABOUT THAT. - TALENT, MAN.

  • - IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. THANKS SO MUCH.

  • - THAT'S LIKE A RICHARD PRYOR. GET OVER HERE, MAN.

  • COME ON. - RICHARD PRYOR.

  • - HE DESERVED IT.

  • ALL RIGHT, SO ACROSS FROM THE LONGEST SIDE

  • IS A 90-DEGREE ANGLE.

  • - GOOD THING I'VE GOT A 90-DEGREE DANGLE.

  • - JOEL, STOP IT! YOU WILL NEVER BE TROY!

  • - WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO BE LIKE TROY?

  • DICK.

  • - ET TU, NERDY GIRL?

  • - [snickers]

  • - SO THE HYPOTENU-- [laughter]

  • - WHAT THE [bleep] IS GOING ON?

  • - I'M GONNA PISS MY PANTS.

  • I'M GONNA PISS MY PANTS RIGHT HERE.

  • OH, MY GOD! OH!

  • - GOOD EVENING, MY FELLOW AMERICANS.

  • EVERY DAY OUR CITIZENS IMPROVE THE LIVES OF THOSE AROUND THEM.

  • TODAY WE HONOR TROY MORRISON.

  • NOW TROY WAS IN GEOMETRY CLASS

  • WHEN HIS TEACHER MENTIONED THE HYPOTENUSE OF A TRIANGLE.

  • TROY SAID, "I WISH I WAS HIGH ON POTENUSE."

  • THAT REALLY CRACKED ME UP,

  • AND IT CRACKED UP THE REST OF AMERICA TOO,

  • SO TODAY I'M PLEASED TO PRESENT TROY

  • WITH THE CONGRESSIONAL COMEDY MEDAL OF HONOR.

  • TROY, ON BEHALF OF THE ENTIRE COUNTRY,

  • I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU

  • FOR YOUR FANTASTIC, OFF-THE-CUFF LINE.

  • YOU ARE A TRUE COMEDY HERO.

  • - THANK YOU, SIR. THANK YOU.

  • AND ALSO, MR. PRESIDENT, I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

  • - WHAT'S THAT? OH! HE GOT ME ONE.

  • YES. THESE ARE SOLD OUT.

  • I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET MY HANDS ON ONE OF THESE.

  • THANKS, TROY. OH, MY GOD.

- THE RIGHT TRIANGLE'S LONGEST SIDE

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