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  • (FINGERS SNAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)

  • (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

  • Come on, Fester, get that power going.

  • I want this crash to be a real whopper.

  • I'm too excited to play trains, Gomez.

  • I should go up to my room and pack some things for the outing.

  • But that's tomorrow.

  • It's going to be real neat.

  • Exploring a brand-new cave.

  • And I'm gonna light the way for everybody.

  • (BUZZING)

  • Bright as Broadway.

  • (BUZZING)

  • Now, what'll it be today, Pugsley?

  • A nice head-on collision?

  • Couldn't we have a derailment for a change?

  • Derailment it is.

  • Let that current go, Fester.

  • I wanna see 'em fly off the tracks.

  • Gomez, don't you think I ought to save myself till tomorrow?

  • Tomorrow is another day.

  • Why didn't I think of that?

  • Okay.

  • Now watch this, Pugsley boy.

  • A wild pile-up on the next turn.

  • (BUZZING)

  • (TRAINS CHUGGING SLOWLY)

  • Suddenly I went dead.

  • You need recharging.

  • No, I just had that done this morning.

  • I didn't feel good all day, but I never thought it'd come to this.

  • What do we do, Father?

  • The only thing we can do. Call an electrician.

  • I think I have an emotional watt seepage.

  • Oh, watt a way to go.

  • Oh, don't make fun of me, Gomez.

  • I'm sorry, really.

  • Hello? Home Electrical?

  • I'd like to ask a bit of advice.

  • Our Uncle Fester seems to have got himself de-volted.

  • Hello?

  • You're still there? Good.

  • Yes, de-volted.

  • Well, you see, he was running an electric train

  • and suddenly his power went off.

  • (METALLIC CLINKING)

  • What did he say?

  • I can't tell you in front of the boy.

  • (SIGHS) I guess we'll have to talk to Morticia.

  • Gee, I hate to worry her about me.

  • Well, it's not the worry. She was going to bake a cake this afternoon

  • and she wanted you to run her cake mixer.

  • Failure upon failure.

  • I feel like going out and drowning myself in the smog.

  • Breathe deeply.

  • It does wonders for your sinuses.

  • Gomez!

  • Well, it does.

  • (PLAYING HARPSICHORD)

  • (GROANING)

  • Again.

  • Thank you, Thing.

  • But remember, nobody likes a smart thing.

  • Wednesday dear, that was lovely.

  • You're really improving.

  • I think you're almost ready to start

  • on the new piece I bought you.

  • Dance of the Hyenas.

  • Ooh, that sounds pretty.

  • Thank you, Lurch, that will be all.

  • Mother.

  • MORTICIA: Hmm.

  • Uncle Fester's sick.

  • Are you sure?

  • When I saw him at breakfast this morning,

  • his face fairly glowed with that lovely jaundiced color.

  • Maybe he blew a fuse.

  • Oh, darling, I'm sure he's funning you.

  • He probably wants you to put a penny behind his ear to make him go again.

  • I doubt that.

  • No, his malady is a bit of a mystery.

  • Children, why don't you go into the kitchen

  • and help Grandmama sort the toadstools from the mushrooms.

  • She's going to make a lovely toadstool souffle.

  • Yummy!

  • WEDNESDAY: Yummy!

  • That reminds me, darling. If you're going to bake that cake

  • I'll have to run out and get you a hand mixer.

  • Then Uncle Fester's really ill.

  • Not a watt.

  • Oh, darling.

  • I'm afraid this will cancel our outing for tomorrow.

  • We could take flashlights.

  • Oh, but the light would be too harsh.

  • And too bright to explore new and unknown caves.

  • Besides, when Uncle Fester

  • switches to neon, the effect is truly spectacular.

  • The children will be so disappointed.

  • Little Wednesday was looking forward

  • to collecting some new spiders.

  • You know how she adores her pets.

  • I know how you were looking forward

  • to some hemlock seedlings for your garden.

  • Darling, we're being very selfish.

  • We're thinking of ourselves, and we shouldn't.

  • We should only think of how to help Uncle Fester.

  • How like you to think of it that way, querida mia.

  • You are a gem.

  • Tasty one, too.

  • Darling, do you remember our second honeymoon at Niagara Falls?

  • In Niagara Falls.

  • It was a divine cave.

  • Free showers, anytime of the day or night.

  • (SIGHS) That was living, mon ami.

  • (EXCLAIMING)

  • Tish. When you speak French you drive me wild.

  • Speak some more French, Tish. Anything.

  • Tout à l'heure.

  • La plume de ma tante.

  • Mademoiselle from Armentieres. Anything.

  • You are a devil.

  • Yes.

  • I'm just gonna pack my bags and leave.

  • Uncle Fester, what seems to be the trouble?

  • Mama called me an outing pooper.

  • Oh, I'm sure she meant it kindly.

  • Of course.

  • From Mama that's flattery.

  • And that's not all.

  • Thing refused to Indian wrestle with me.

  • And the piranha fish wouldn't even take a bite out of my hand.

  • Oh, that is unfriendly.

  • (SCOFFS) It's worse than that.

  • I asked Lurch to bring up my bed of nails

  • so I could get some relaxation

  • and he absolutely ignored me.

  • We'll see about that.

  • (GONG RESOUNDING)

  • You rang?

  • Lurch, I'm afraid you're going to have to apologize to Uncle Fester.

  • (GROANING)

  • That's better.

  • Dear Lurch, he expresses himself so well.

  • I don't blame anyone for rejecting me,

  • the way I've ruined the family's outing.

  • Uncle Fester, Gomez and I aren't rejecting you.

  • We want to help you.

  • But the question is how?

  • I believe it has something to do with your diet.

  • Impossible. I always eat a very simple, wholesome meal.

  • Now, for breakfast this morning

  • I had walnut shells and sour milk.

  • Oh, you should have had green persimmons first.

  • Naturally.

  • Gosh. If there is something wrong with me,

  • I hope it's one of those rare tropical diseases.

  • You know, Morticia.

  • Something, uh, glamorous.

  • I hope so too, dear.

  • But in the meantime, we must get you well before tomorrow.

  • Oh, you better go along without me.

  • I'll probably be an outing pooper.

  • Well, back to the smog.

  • Poor Uncle Fester. He sounds suicidal.

  • At least he'll go with a clear sinus.

  • Uncle Fester!

  • Don't try to discourage me, Morticia.

  • Uncle Fester, I've been thinking.

  • Have you been getting enough moonshine?

  • Morticia, you know I don't drink.

  • Morticia's referring to moonbathing.

  • The moon has marvelous restorative powers for us Addamses.

  • Provided you don't take too much of it.

  • There's a full moon out tonight.

  • If I get too much I get freckles.

  • Nonsense. A good moonbath is just the tonic you need.

  • Well, I don't know about Uncle Fester,

  • but you've talked me into one.