Check.

Crumpled boarding pass

Sorted.

Snuggly travel pillow

Oh, yes.

(chuckles)

(his voice, from elsewhere:) Knowledge.

-What?

Cultural knowledge.

Well, I've watched the Last Samurai haven't I?

And...

This guidebook-

Japan travel book

Oh, you mean the Travel Guide you'll never read?

How dare you?

I'm gonna read it... (thinks)

On the plane.

Absolute lies. Save yourself the hassle guys.

In this video I sat down with my good friend Pete, a British radio DJ

who visits Japan once or twice a year.

We discussed 12 things we wish we'd known before coming to Japan.

Hopefully at least one or two of those points will save you from some potential embarrassment or save you some time.

So let's jump in.

(Oh wow he's actually reading)

Bloody hell-

Pete: How are you, you alright?

Chris: Well, it's not been a good morning.

I'll read out a comment I recieved

from "quib" one hour ago.

Says: "Is it me or did Chris become fat again?"

Wait, guys, it says is it me or did Chris BECAME fat again?

Pete: So he can't even write it properly?

Chris: Not only is it an insult but it's grammatically incorrect

It's the worst kind of insult there is!

Anyway today we've come before ye, ladies & gentlemen

to talk about 12 things

we wish we knew about Japan before going.

I'd like to think we've kind of ordered these in almost chronological order of your trip,

if you're going to Japan. The first one, my first one-

I've got six, Pete's got six

My first one is:

Try and avoid flying into Narita Airport.

There's two airports (that) service Tokyo:

Tokyo, Haneda and Tokyo Narita.

Actually Haneda is really close and that's the one I recommend.

It's a brilliant airport. Pete: 20-minute taxi ride into town.

Chris: A monorail, well, goes straight there into Tokyo.

20 mins. Beautiful.

Love it.

And then there's the Narita, which takes about

a three days trek to get to and from-

I hate it.

Pete: It's an hour and a quarter from Shinjuku, I wanna say.

Chris: The main reason I don't like Narita is just the distance, you know.

Especially if you're flying into Japan, odds are you're gonna be tired and jet-lagged pretty grumpy.

I- Like, you know, I can't stand it. (Pete giggling)

I remember just arriving- just-

I want to sleep somewhere. I want to die...

But no, but you've got two hours fumbling through Tokyo.

Pete: But you can't rely on the trains in Japan. So there's that.

It's not like the Heathrow Express or the Gatwick Express or the Luton shuttle-

Chris: How dare you speak ill of the Heathrow Express?

So what's your first thing?

Pete: The toilets guys, toilets!

First things first:

I was gonna chime in with the airport thing.

Kokunai is quite a good word to use

Chris: You do know the most random vocabulary...

Pete: Yeah because you learn-

Chris: Sugeru. These are words really don't need to use.

Pete: Yeah, I know but it's useful (Chris: kogurai) if you're trying to find the domestic terminal at an airport.

Sometimes you can't find the domestic terminal sign.

So you sort of ask:

Where's the kokunai ta-minaru? So this time rounds-

Toire is a really good word to know, even though you said people don't use the word toilet

I want people to-

Chris: Oh no, they do-

I like to be more elegant, I use otearai.

"bathroom"

Pete: What they write. And is O the honorific?

(linguistic mumbling)

Pete: Otearai! Chris: Toire! Pete: Now! (panicked)

Chris: In English: "Where's your toilet?" (rough)

Yeah, "Where's the bathroom?" "Where's the restroom?" (softly, politely)

Pete: Yes, exactly. Exactly.

They're good ways to learn but also - the kanji on the doors.

Chris: Those are the two kanji characters you need to know

because if you go into a toilet in a restaurant or bar,

often, they are just in Japanese characters.

If you don't know the character for male and female you're fucked.

I've (at least) walked in the female toilets by accident... thrice. In seven years.

Pete: Oh, I did that-

I did that in a pub about three months ago

and woman came in, I was like: "Oh...

Chigaimasu..." (mistake).

Chris: Oh! Chigaimasu! (upset japanese)

Pete: Henai~ (means pervert)

Chris: Yeah, learn those characters and things won't go wrong.

Pete: You, I've got a present! But I've gone in the wrong toilet...

Chris: The third point...

What you'll find is most Japanese people do actually know English words.

Pete: Yes.

Chris: The bit where Japanese people go wrong is grammar.

Pete: Yeah, and that's what they get stressed out about, innit?

Chris: They get stressed about grammar and panic. You'll find if you could just say an individual word,

you'll be fine.

So you didn't need to know the word kogunai means domestic, right?

If you say "domestic" then yeah, yeah no problem.

If you "got the domestic flight" they're like Whatohmnygod

Just say individual words.

Pete: Don't be afraid to put a really heavy Japanese accent on us.

While it may seem a little racist

And it may seem a little like an Englishman abroad going:

"Dos cervezas por favore" (in really bad Spanish)

Chris: I'd love to make that into a video

just you walking around Japan trying to sound Japanese

by setting an accident on.

Pete: Shigoto wa, radio no DJ. (very Japanese)

Chris: Close. No- (says radio differently)

Pete: I said radio (that way) didn't I?

Chris: No you said radio. (the other way)

Pete: I said radio. Radio no DJ.

Chris: Because Japanese students learn thousands of words, thousands of vocabulary,

They're pretty good at memorizing vocabulary.

When I used to work as a teacher

you would find they would nail memorization, tests for vocabulary.

Yeah, the bit where it all went to shit was grammar,

And, so if you are in a sticky situation and the language barriers is in the way,

just try and say the individual word. - Pete: Yeah.

Yeah try and say-

same with taxis, you know, if you get a taxi: "Shinjuku"

Don't go: "Hi there I wanna go to Shinjuku" (super fast)

Yeah, they're not gonna understand what you're saying.

If you just go "Shinjuku? Please?" Fine.

Pete: Yeah, and (for) most taxis I just pick a tube station close to it

And just say: "Shibuya eki. Onegaishimasu" (Shibuya station, please)

Chris: Absolutely. But if you don't get a taxi there is an alternative -

and I believe that's your next point, Pete.

Pete: In Tokyo and Osaka and the big cities,

The public transport is second to none and it's very easy to use.

Just remember that some of the train carriages,

some of the metro carriages are women only.

I wish I'd known this because I (more than once) I've gotten on a carriage ,

and its been a woman only carriage.

I didn't see that, I didn't read.

I'm not very good at looking around at my surroundings, I just do things.

Pete: Mmm. - Chris: We've got on the Train and

Everyone was looking at me,

which is fairly- actually happens quite in Japan if you're a foreigner,

but everyone was looking at me especially angry.

And I realized everyone that was looking at me was a woman.

And basically I'd gotten on the women-only carriage.

So just me with like, a rucksack,

surrounded by 40 women.

Before you get on a train look at the ground, that kind of tells you,

'Cause "Woman-only carriage" are all on the side of the train.

And that will save you looking like a sleazy foreigner.

Pete: Yeah, fundamentally a sad indictment of Japanese men-

Chris: Well, I mean the reason it happened is because there's a lot of a lot of sexual harassment that goes on

Pete: Chikan, chikan! (pervert)

Chris: You can see how it happens. If you go on a train in Tokyo in rush hour, it's horrific.

There's certain times a day (when) they have to force people on with a stick 'cause the train carriages are so rammed full of people.

Pete: I mean you can see why it happens, as in, you can see why people think they can get away with it.

Chris: Oh yeah, you're like that and your arms like that or that. You can't move- - Pete: And you can't scare-

Chris: Someone with a sneaky hand can just come up, touch you from the other side of the carriage

and you won't know where their arm's coming from - who did it.

Because you're surrounded by about 50 people.

Pete: Mr. Tickle. (horrified music) -Mr. Tickle.

In 2019 it's his little kick, his little hustle.

Takes on a little bit of a dark edge, I would say.

Chris: Defamation against Mr. Tickle.

Pete: He's got long arms for a reason, I'm not having it.

But to pay for your train ticket, what do you need, Chris?

Chris: Lots of money - cash! (Pete: Dirty cash.)

Japan is a cash-based society.

Do bring lots of cash,

most people in Japan do carry about 500 dollars worth of cash on them.

Pete: If I go like this, can you make money rain down on my camera? (pshoo sound fx)

Chris: When it comes to editing this video I'll decide whether or not that sequence warranties

an overlay of cash raining down upon you.

Pete: Ah! I'm covered in yen. (Chris couldn't even bother making it into yen bills smh)

Chris: Many of the times I've arrived somewhere, tried to pay with the card and

not been able to.

You should always have at least two hundred dollars on you anytime.

If you run out of cash,

Go to a convenience store. Don't go to a bank. Don't go looking for banks. Lots of banks in Japan

don't take MasterCard or Visa. Just go to a 7-Eleven. Yeah, and those ATMs always do work. No biggie.

There was a problem when the tsunami hit - a lot of cash got swept away with the houses, right.

Because entire houses, entire towns

got washed away by the tsunami.

And a lot of went with it as well.

People keep their cash in the house under their bed

And it kind of shows you the vulnerability of having cash, to some extent.

But yeah I just can't believe people carry $500 around with them.

A pickpocket's dream.

But luckily Japan doesn't really have any pickpockets, I very rarely hear about it.

Pete: Not really, no.

Chris: You can be safe.

The first day in Japan, ever, I had ramen with my friends - Dan, he showed me around. (loud slurping)

And yeah, everyone was slurping noodles.

Pete: Just a big ol' slurp. It works, it cools down noodles.

Chris: Yeah you gotta go (slurp) like that-

But, that's what it's like if you go to a ramen shop anywhere.

It's okay to slurp. If you don't slurp, you'll find it's actually a little bit tricky to eat ramen noodles.

Pete: Usually you find yourself kind of just, kind of, scooping them in (and I'm terrible with chopsticks),

Just getting them, (full mouth of noodles) into my mouth.

It's worse if anything.

And let's not forget that once you finish your noodles,

Tipping. - Chris: Tipping in Japan tipping hasn't been invented. It's brilliant.

It means you can actually go out for a reasonably priced meal.

If you do do it,

it's just a little bit awkward and people will be like "Why you tipping me?", "What's going on?"

It just kinda makes them feel uncomfortable because it feels like you're judging their service quality.

In Japan, people have to give 110 percent every day at work about what they're doing

Maybe they're a train driver, maybe they work at a restaurant, maybe they're flying a plane,

and I don't know why those are the three professions that came to mind.

People give it their all every day. And so they don't need to feel like they're being judged by having a tip.

Yeah, I think that's 'cause Japan's service quality is good because people are less human, more like robots.

Pete: I thought that was gonna be ultimately very complimentary, but it didn't turn out

that way in the slightest.

Chris: People give a consistently great service quality. Probably have small talk very often. (?)

Small talk, it just doesn't happen that much.