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  • We all have our own unique set

  • of habits, desires, schedules, and ambitions.

  • Sometimes, there's things we do every day

  • and mindsets we have to guide our lives

  • for better or for worse.

  • If lately you've been feeling down, off, or generally unhappy,

  • but you're not sure why,

  • this video might shed some light on what the cause could be.

  • Here are 10 things that are secretly making you unhappy.

  • 1. You're extremely goal-oriented.

  • Having ambitions and having objectives in life

  • are great qualities.

  • They make us excited,

  • give us something to look forward to,

  • and achieving them feels empowering.

  • But there's also such a thing as being too goal-oriented.

  • Are you telling yourself things like:

  • I'll feel good when I finally get a perfect grade,

  • or I'll be happy once I get that promotion?

  • If you constantly have a habit

  • of waiting to arrive at certain destinations in life,

  • it can take you away from being happy now.

  • 2. You value possessions over experiences.

  • Do you spend all your money on fancy watches,

  • shoes, clothes, or other material items

  • to make you feel good?

  • There's nothing wrong

  • with pampering yourself with things from the store once in a while,

  • but according to a 20-year study

  • conducted by Psychology Professor, Dr. Thomas Gilovich,

  • our happiness quickly fades after buying things

  • once they become an everyday part of our lives.

  • This is known as hedonic adaptation.

  • Experiences such as music concerts,

  • kayaking, skydiving, or movies

  • may not last as long as that new smartphone you bought.

  • But the positive, exciting memories

  • could last the rest of your life.

  • 3. You're holding a grudge

  • When you've been wronged by someone,

  • it's easy to feel resentful and angry towards them.

  • And that's a very normal and completely understandable response.

  • But no matter how badly someone has treated

  • or how much money they've stolen from you,

  • holding a grudge with the intent to hurt them backfires

  • and just ends up hurting yourself.

  • It may feel good to think

  • you're justified and deserving of extra kindness

  • due to how badly you were abused.

  • But if you never forgive and let go,

  • the anger will only spiral you

  • into more negativity and keep you from being happy.

  • 4. You spent a lot of time in the past.

  • It might feel nice for a while to drift off into past memories

  • and reminisce over how fond life was:

  • your first kiss, good times you had partying,

  • and winning that football tournament

  • were all amazing times in your life.

  • But there's a difference

  • between thinking about the past and living in it.

  • Keeping your head in the clouds for too long

  • can rob you of your happiness in the present moment

  • and make you miss opportunities

  • that are passing right in front of you.

  • What's worse is brewing over negative memories,

  • which will take an even bigger toll on your well-being.

  • 5. You're overly frugal with your money.

  • Saving your hard-earned cash

  • and only spending it when absolutely necessary

  • and on the best possible deals

  • will help keep your wallet from becoming empty.

  • But if you're so strict with your budget

  • to the point that you're never having any fun

  • or treating yourself with it,

  • the whole point of trying to save it all

  • can actually make a dent in your happiness.

  • Money is meant to be spent after all.

  • And as long as you're using a little less than you're making,

  • it's okay to go out to eat

  • or to the movies once in a while.

  • 6. You're not contributing.

  • It's natural to feel like

  • you must keep everything that you own to yourself.

  • However, according to researchers at Stony Brook University,

  • when we're generous and give or provide to others,

  • our brains release several chemicals

  • that give us a sense of peace and joy.

  • In another study, Carnegie Mellon University

  • discovered that people who volunteer around four hours a week

  • are 40% less likely

  • to develop high blood pressure than those who don't.

  • Perhaps giving truly is better than receiving.

  • 7. You avoid all your problems.

  • Rather than focusing on the fact

  • you're in debt and have no plan to get out of it,

  • it's much better to push those thoughts down

  • with binge video gaming, distracting yourself with social media,

  • drinking, and snacking.

  • Or is it?

  • It's never healthy to dread about your issues and worries.

  • But if those problems aren't properly taken care of,

  • they will only create more stress and unhappiness in your life.

  • It doesn't matter if you're not thinking

  • about that unaddressed argument

  • you had with your best friend the other day,

  • because you're still aware of it subconsciously.

  • If you never tackle your issues head-on

  • and try to pretend they're not there,

  • it may only make things worse.

  • 8. You allow distractions to guide your day.

  • What's the first thing you do after you wake up?

  • Grab your phone and start swiping on social media?

  • What about during your free time?

  • If you want to win an Olympic gold medal

  • or become a rock star one day,

  • it will be a good idea to set time aside to start practising,

  • working out, and honing your skills.

  • But if you find yourself

  • spending your whole day reading through emails,

  • swiping or texting on your phone,

  • or zoning out while watching TV or playing video games,

  • you usually won't feel good

  • about how you spend your time later in the future.

  • 9. You deflect compliments.

  • Sometimes, our self-esteem is low,

  • or we don't want to come off as arrogant or full of ourselves,

  • so we deflect, reciprocate,

  • or discount others' positive words about us.

  • But in reality,

  • there's nothing wrong with accepting people's kind remarks.

  • In fact, that's the whole reason

  • they're complimenting us in the first place.

  • When we're told we have a nice haircut,

  • if we respond with phrases like,

  • "It's okay I guess" or "I wish it looked better",

  • this isn't the best habit

  • if we want to feel good about ourselves.

  • 10. You're taking life too seriously.

  • It's important to be safe, careful, and mindful

  • of the decisions you make in life.

  • But if you're continually afraid of what others think of you,

  • worrying about embarrassing yourself,

  • or getting upset at every single inconvenience that happens to you

  • will be stopping yourself from being happy.

  • Life really is a roller coaster.

  • After things go down, they'll go back up.

  • Just laugh, choose to be happy, and have more fun.

  • Have you identified with any of these?

  • Do you feel like you have any habits

  • that are making you unhappy?

  • Tell us your story in the comments below.

  • If you want more videos on psychology,

  • feel free to subscribe.

  • Thanks for watching!

We all have our own unique set

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