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  • Hello.

  • Hello, honey.

  • It's good to see you.

  • It's good to see you.

  • I didn't get here as fast as you wanted me to,

  • but I am here now.

  • Well here's the thing, we're supposed

  • to start the show at a certain time,

  • but every single day we start the show

  • usually about an hour early.

  • Well here's the thing, when you get

  • a schedule for hair and makeup and you

  • live about 40 minutes away--

  • That's your problem.

  • You mean I should just relocate to Burbank?

  • You should be closer, yes, like Toluca Lake.

  • I should just live in Toluca Lake.

  • I'd like that.

  • So when you call, I will jump.

  • Yeah.

  • No, I thought you were just--

  • Just hanging out just waiting to get to the Ellen Show?

  • Right, that's what I thought.

  • No, I'm nervous, I'm thinking about things.

  • I'm getting all gussied up for you guys.

  • Listen, don't even.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • I don't know what she does with her money,

  • but this is what she looks like without anything on.

  • You just naturally are beautiful.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Burn your money.

  • I just burn my money.

  • Just burn your money to give it to somebody to-- they're

  • taking your beauty away.

  • I heard that I just had a million dollar body makeover.

  • Did you read that?

  • No, you got a million dollar body--

  • Apparently, I had a million dollar makeover.

  • Wow.

  • So there you go.

  • And it cost a million dollars.

  • Yeah.

  • That's amazing, so the whole body was done.

  • You just sort of lift it all, and then tie it, and snip it,

  • and throw it out.

  • You lift it, and tie it, and snip it?

  • I don't know.

  • Wow.

  • Yeah, it is unbelievable.

  • We talk about this all the time.

  • They just make up whatever they want to make up.

  • It's quite entertaining, though, isn't it?

  • I throw those away whenever I go into any kind of doctor's

  • office.

  • Where you got your makeover?

  • Where I got my make over.

  • Or anywhere and if I find--

  • I won't throw those away.

  • You're not going to throw this away.

  • I just I just saw this the other day.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • 00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:10,830 Come on.

  • 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:19,248 You know how you just lounge on a chair in the ocean?

  • You just sort of do that.

  • Where was this?

  • Where did you take this picture?

  • I was in the ocean, in the Pacific Ocean.

  • And it was just floating?

  • Just floating.

  • And I just was like, I'm going to swim out to that

  • and have some deep thoughts.

  • And that's what happened.

  • Well you look fantastic.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Now you enjoy being naked.

  • You take your--

  • I love it!

  • You do.

  • [LAUGHTER] That was intense.

  • I love it!

  • I love it!

  • Well you take very good care of yourself.

  • And you enjoy doing activities.

  • I love activities.

  • You're not ashamed of--

  • like when you're holding your breasts like that

  • and getting a picture taken?

  • I'm not ashamed of that.

  • No.

  • No one should be.

  • No.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Do it now.

  • Do it right now?

  • Do it now.

  • Only if you did it with me.

  • Oh.

  • No, I don't even do that by myself.

  • Yes you do.

  • I know you sit there and you're just like--

  • I do.

  • Yeah, just waiting for Portia to come home with--

  • just at the garage.

  • Yes, shifting, wait, this position isn't good.

  • Can we talk about-- so you went to Mexico a while back

  • and had a very bad experience.

  • And I know you're not a good flier.

  • Oh, yes.

  • It was for my birthday, right.

  • It was your birthday extravaganza.

  • Yeah, I was surprised.

  • They were taking you to Mexico.

  • Yeah.

  • I didn't know where I was going, to be honest.

  • And it was supposed to be so low-key.

  • So low-key.

  • 00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:59,429 I hear from someone, Jen's plane is in trouble,

  • they had an emergency landing.

  • So I texted you right away.

  • Well you were actually-- what happened

  • was when we were in flight, it was very turbulent.

  • Everyone else is calm as a cucumber,

  • because they're not a afraid of flying.

  • And it's really bumpy and it's sort of on a tilt.

  • So it's about an hour and a half of white knuckling it,

  • and then the stewardess says to me,

  • the pilot would like to talk to you.

  • And I said, I don't want to talk to the pilot.

  • I sent one of my very calm friends

  • to go talk to the pilot.

  • And then came back to find out that we have actually

  • turned around and we're going back to California because we

  • think we've lost a wheel.

  • And I was like, oh well we've got seven more, right?

  • And then everybody on the plane started panicking.

  • Everyone who I look to for comfort and like, we're OK,

  • right?

  • Has got tears streaming down their faces,

  • are texting their children, their partners, their loved

  • ones.

  • And I was like, oh who do I text?

  • Bing!

  • And then, because you can get texts up in the air,

  • you're the first person that was like, are you OK?

  • And I was like, Ellen, I do have someone who loves me.

  • [LAUGHTER] I'm kidding.

  • But [LAUGHTER] I mean, I'm not, I love you.

  • You were very concerned.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • But I couldn't believe how calm I became

  • and everyone else was--

  • and then everybody's phone it's like--

  • so there goes the under the radar secret trip to Mexico.

  • And then, yeah, we landed.

  • And I sent you that picture of like, ambulances, fire

  • trucks, because we had and we had to fly around

  • for like six hours--

  • To dump the fuel.

  • --to dump the fuel.

  • Which still wasn't occurring to me,

  • this might be because if we land badly, it will explode.

  • And so it just shows you how irrational fear of flying

  • is when there's things that you really shouldn't be afraid of.

  • And then when there's actually something you should

  • be afraid of, you're not.

  • You weren't.

  • But then everybody-- then you have

  • to get-- so that flight took you, because you

  • had to go all the way back.

  • Then you fly to Mexico again.

  • Well we had to, just that was the plan.

  • So we just decided to follow through with it.

  • Yeah.

  • So there was drinking going on.

  • Well in order to get back on the other plane, well

  • everyone's like, how could you get back on another plane?

  • I was like, listen we've had to fly around

  • for six hours dumping fuel, we all got pretty hammered.

  • Because who knew what the end this was going to be.

  • So let's go out with a--

  • you know, well some tequila.

  • Exactly, nothing wrong with that.

  • All right, we're going to take a break.

  • And I'm glad that you're OK.

  • And I'm sorry that I called you to get you here early.

  • That's OK.

  • But you look beautiful.

  • Thank you.

  • And I'm happy you're here.

  • I love you.

  • I'm happy I'm here as always.

  • We'll be back.

Hello.

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