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  • Oh, honey, I am tired.

  • I am going to bed. Good night.

  • Uh, well...

  • Is everything okay?

  • Well, It's uh... It's—it's just that I was hoping that...

  • Well, that we could...

  • And I-I wanna make this clear.

  • I-I-I wanna be straightforward. I want to have a...

  • Okay. Uh, Luther? Are you available to translate?

  • Yes, ma'am.

  • I really was hoping we could spend some time together.

  • When was the last time we had sex, woman? Re-election night?

  • What does a brother not named "Bill Clinton" have to do to get some [bleep] in this house?

  • Well, you have been very busy lately.

  • You know what? If I could jucan we get your translator? - Oh, yes, certainly. Uh, Catendra?

  • Yeah, honey?

  • Could you please translate: "Well, you have been very busy lately."

  • Sure.

  • My [bleep] ain't one of your limousines that you can jump in and out of whenever you feel like.

  • I don't see you all day, then you want a booty call?

  • I need an emotional connection, [bleep].

  • Thought this was, uh, romantic.

  • I'm [bleep]in' tryin', bitch! Can't you see?

  • I'm playin' the romantic music, I got the pinot in the glasses....

  • What more do you want from me? An engraved invitation from my nuts?

  • Maybe we should make a date.

  • What am I supposed to do? Jump out of my clothes every time Little Barry stands at attention?

  • You ain't my commander-in-chief, mother-[bleep], and my vagina ain't some cave in the Middle East you can fly your heat-seeking missile into whenever you feel like it.

  • Well, I... I didn't mean to call you, but I-I had meetings all day long.

  • I'm dealing with these mother-[bleep] Republicans, hearing "No, no, no" all day long.

  • Then I come home, and you ain't gonna let me get my jam on up in here?

  • Well, you know, I have had a busy day too.

  • You act like I ain't got nothing else to do, [bleep].

  • I got these obese mother-[bleep] on my ass 24/7.

  • What's more importantyou getting your wick dipped, or some eight-year-old fat-ass collapsing in his bunk bed?

  • Okay.

  • You seem to be forgetting job number one.

  • You are my secretary of [bleep], bitch! Get to work!

  • You.

  • Luther? Catendra?

  • Oh, yes, yes, sir.

  • We'llwe'll take it from here.

  • Absolutelyyes, sir. - Yes, ma'am.

  • Thank you. - Good night. Good night, ma'am.

  • Come here.

  • Oh, this feels good.

  • Um, mom? Dad?

  • I know you already said that I can't go, but can I please go to the party tonight?

  • Malia, use your translator.

  • If you don't let me go to this party, I will get a tattoo on my face.

  • Have fun.

  • [IN A WORLD...]

  • I'm here with Ozamataz Buckshank, the rookie of the Sandford University.

  • [WHERE COMEDY IS KING...]

  • That's the one...

  • Welcome to... Cunnilingus Class!

  • [NO HERO IS SACRED...]

  • And the racist-ass Mel Gibsons. - I know, I know.

  • Pretty much, Stimpy.

  • Now hold on a second!

  • Mr. T!?

  • WHO? (Who was slapping around your little homey?)

  • [WATCH KEY & PEELE NEXT WEEK]

  • [CATCH ALL THAT?]

  • Oh, god damn!

  • Forget about the telephone. I need to speak from my heart.

  • Shut the f*ck up!

  • But folks, I'm sorry, gonna get everybody tonight. I'm gonna get... nobody is safe.

  • Who is next?

  • Do me!

  • YO.

  • Racist-ass Mel Gibson is still kind of my sh*t.

Oh, honey, I am tired.

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B1 bleep ain good night luther translator day long

Key & Peele: Obama Shutdown

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    Halu Hsieh posted on 2022/03/08
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